Questions/opinons please
 

I have some questions that I'd like opinions on. Thank you.

1) How long does it take for the urge to use to go away after you stop using?

2) Who is considered the "active user" and "addict in recovery"

3) Will an active addict tell you when they using?

4) If an addict in recovery promises to tell you when they have an urge, do they actually tell you?

5) what are the chances of relapse ?

Just my observations from walking through the zoo . . . .


1) How long does it take for the urge to use to go away after you stop using?

IF you are asking about real addicts -- a lifetime.

2) Who is considered the "active user" and "addict in recovery"

You know the tree by the fruits.

3) Will an active addict tell you when they using?

hahahaha. Sure. Maybe. No Never. Ok. Maybe. Only count on this if you are the supplier.

4) If an addict in recovery promises to tell you when they have an urge, do they actually tell you?

See Answer #3.

5) what are the chances of relapse ?

High.

What is a "real addict"

1) How long does it take for the urge to use to go away after you stop using?

IF you are asking about real addicts -- a lifetime.

Again, just my observations from passing through the zoo and studying the critters . . . .

Some are "situation based" -- change the situation and the need to self-medicate can end.

Some are "past trauma" -- go back and fix the trauma and the need to self-medicate can end.

and Some -- are Hardware / Hardwired Brain problems (can go a lot deeper, if needed), which may also show up as various Mental Illness, and that can last a lifetime.

I'm having a hard time determining if my boyfriend is a "real addict". I'm a nurse and I work in mental health/addictions. I've also studied a lot about addictions. I just don't think or feel like he is a true addict. Nor does some of my co workers. So idk

what's the drug, if you don't mind me asking? because from my experience and understanding, if you are talking about opiates, for example, i don't believe for a second there is such a thing as casual, part-time use. not really. also, i've had acquaintances of my ex and mine who were unable to understand how big the problem really was because opiate addicts can be so high functioning and don't necessarily look f**ked up. at all. i'm too observant and too detail-oriented, so i was able to pick up on a lot of little things that other people didn't. that's not a point of pride, it's an illustration of codependency. anyway, point being, some people seem they are doing fine when they really aren't at all. and i agree with hammer, they don't tell the truth about use. mine swore up and down over and over that he would be honest and he told me he KNEW he could come to me with the truth and i would be there. um, no. never. not once. concerning his drug use and all things associated with it, he was never honest.

Does his use of substance effect you??? Your relationship with him???

Why are you asking????

You have tracked the various fMRI studies?

What do you know of his family of origin?

Does he continue to use substances despite negative consequences?

I haven't tracked any MRIs. I mean like reading up on it. And familiarizing myself with addiction. His drug of choice was oxy. For about a week he used coke and heroin. Then got caught and went to jail. 6 months later. He's still in jail. He has gone thru an extensive substance abuse program. No. His substance abuse isn't the main focus of our relationship. And it doesn't affect me. It's not my problem. It's his.

No. He can't use. He's in jail.

So he's not in jail for anything to do with drugs? Possession, stealing to support his habit, aggression while using, driving impaired, etc.?

He's in jail for possession. He is being accused of other things (stealing) but that stuff isn't true. (Know for fact so dont tell me im being naive) They are sorting it all out.

Sorry, but thats a BIG Red Flag JMO

Opinion to? Do you associate every person who's incarcerated as a drug addict?

I’m not sure if ^^^ that question was for me.

If his use of drugs has no effect on you or your relationship with him, and he’s not using despite negative consequences, he probably just got caught up with the wrong people, and was at the wrong place at the wrong time and is just a recreational user. It sounds like you have a good healthy positive attitude and it also sounds like he’s doing all the right things during his unfortunate incarceration. It was probably just a phase. Good luck to both of you.

No it wasn't towards you. And thank you for being positive

Mareahh, I'm glad you work in the mental health and addiction field, because somewhere there I think you can find the answers...the truth. Because you don't want it to be so, won't change the fact that he IS an addict...there, I said it out loud. I say it not to be mean, but to try to help you see the truth.

Nobody thinks "Hey, I think I'll go out Saturday night and shoot up some heroin." Well somebody does and that person is an addict, because only an addict would be that desperate. Heroin is not a casual use recreational drug.

He is in jail, somebody decided he was guilty or he wouldn't be there.

All that said...what about YOU? How is his drug use and incarceration affecting you? And what are you doing to find or keep your balance through all this.

His use of drugs has affected you enough for you to come here and ask these questions.

We're here for you, there are a lot of good threads up in the Sticky Posts at the top of this forum that might help you answer your questions honestly.

I wish you the best, however this unfolds for you.

Hugs

It varies widely. In my own case: Seven years before I found recovery, I found crack. I hadused just about everything prior to that but once I found crack I was pretty faithful to the drug. I smoked about an ounce a day for the last seven years of active addiction. I suffered heart failure during detox and spent three days unconscious after they restarted my heart. I came to six days after my last use and the urge was gone.

I credit my mindset just before my heart quit. I elieved that if I didn't have a hit that I would die - and I consciously chose death rather than picking up again. That was a key moment in my recovery - I celebrated 21 years clean on May 10th of this year.

Again, opinions vary widely. My personal take: An addict is in recovery when they become willing to do anything to stay clean.

Depends upon the relationship. My wife and I have told each other; most don't. I think the key is safety. Most addicts don't feel safe telling their partnrs that they are using. I am not judging anyone here - most non-using partners react with disbelief, anger, etc. We both reacted differently than this...seperate the persons worth from the behavior and I think it becomes safer for the addict to tell you. My wife and I never took it personally, we knew the shame and guilt that go along with that admission and reacted accordingly.

Again, what reaction will they get? Usually an addict who has an urge will feel enough shame, guilt, fear, etc. that a huge helping of disappointment and judgment is more than they are going to voluntarily accept.

Very high. If the drug is extraordinarily addictive physically (i.e. meth, crack, etc.) then the lure is very strong. If it is less so (i.e. and imo, pot) then the idea that they can quit later is usually present and hence the consequences of relapse are usually mild enough by comparison that it is easier to pick up with the thought that they can quit at a later date.

He is in jail because of probable cause not because he has been convicted and found guilty of the crimes he is being accused of. I've seen the paperwork and I know his lawyer personally. He didn't do what's being accused besides the drug possession. Of course no one picks up heroin and is like hmm imma do it. But haven't we all been curious? He on the other had was ready taking pills so why not try heroin? He didn't like it. Didn't do it again. That is a good thing to me. I KNOW my boyfriend is a drug users in the past but I truly believe his use was situational. He and I weren't together at the time he was using.(Were fighting)We didn't become close till after he went to jail.

interesting....you didn't become close UNTIL he went to jail. that's not exactly a healthy relationship event.

I think you may have been talking to me Mareahh, as I said its just my opinion, who am I? your obviously concerned about your boyfriend using, I am just saying, from what Ive read here, to me would be a Red Flag. Me being a drug addict, an having been in jail and Ive also been around many addicts. Certainly not something Im proud of, but in MY experience an addict isnt gonna tell there non using "friend" everytime they want to use, they will use. You also said he's in jail for "Possession" if he werent using he wouldnt be in jail for having drugs, unless of course he's the supplier and even that MOST suppliers use. I dont know anyone who uses occasionally, most people who use drugs IMO are addicts, simply because I know how fast they grab you it happened to me, so if he's not an addict now, if he continues to use he will be

:)

I think addiction happens in stages. I don’t know if your boyfriend is a true addict; but it could also be possible that he is at an early stage of addiction. Recognizing the problem early, getting proper treatment will offer the best chance of full recovery.

The view …

The drug is but a symptom. Behavior always shows the truth ... blaming others, this feeling one is entitled, comparing out, secretive, lost time, being stuck in place ( an I‘ll be home in 2 hours and 4 went by and still not home), stealing, and of course lying is one of them … do all lie, no. My husband didn’t lie after a point, he had no reason too. I didn’t care if he used, he had to care that he used … My caring didn’t mean a damn thing, me seeing his truth wasn’t helping me either cause I was missing my own.

Are you missing your own truth?

Ahh the truth, most who watch continually tell themselves lies over and over unable to accept the truth. All stuck in the fact they are being lied too. Missing the ones they are telling themselves which are much more detrimental.

It is this mentally that just because someone is addicted it means this is the end, not only for the addict either, but for everyone around. Many are so attached in unhealthy ways that their lives suffer as well, and they have no joy, no happiness, just chaos, confusion, an inability to make sense of anything…and nothing is as important as the addict in their life. If you don’t feel you are there yet, no worries you will be in time.

Hmm trying heroin … I doubt curiosity had anything to do with it. There is a level of progression and you get to heroin in many cases because you are chasing that first time and hell it can be way more cost effective.

And just because you work in this field doesn’t mean you actually understand anything going on in his head number one because it isn‘t yours and even more so because you don‘t understand what it is like to be ran by a drug.

My favorite is the he didn’t like it. Really? That sounds like my husband saying he hates needles. It wasn’t this hate or fear of in any tradition sense, it was that any time he saw one the lust was instantly triggered and still is.

Red flags…
First one you being here asking the questions.
Previous history of drug use … whether one wants to label that as drug abuse or not.
Jail, because people without drug problems aren’t arrested for possession, the accusation of other things, well users have been know to steal, it happens. The need for a hit just to fix things in one’s head far out weighs any moral conscience.

Will he tell you, I doubt it. One because you will react, if that is proven or maybe worse help … oh all that helping, just adds to the madness.

I am curious what is your definition of an addict? Because most I know don't fit into some junkie on the street label.

I appreciate everyone's opinions. I guess I'm just lost and confused about the whole situation because I've never been in it before. However. He is a wonderful person whom I love very much and I can't figure out what to do.

Things sometimes just don't make sense. The addict you speak of was arrested and jailed (felony charges pending?) and he's possibly only a casual drug abuser. (I use the term abuser rather than addict as I do believe there is a difference.)

My son.....an addict....no question about it. He was running and gunning. Stealing and dealing. And doesn't have any felony charges pending nor any felony convictions. (However he has had many interactions with the law and has spent time in jail for things like driving without a driver's license, failure to appear, etc. Even the one DUI he got was eventually dismissed for "good behavior" over a five year period of time.)

Go figure.

Your questions are interesting. And they are questions I asked earlier in my son's addiction. My answers today are very different than they may have been five years ago.

1) How long does it take for the urge to use to go away after you stop using?

As long as it takes.....could be a lifetime.

2) Who is considered the "active user" and "addict in recovery"

This seems obvious to me. One is actively using drugs the other is actively in a program of recovery.

3) Will an active addict tell you when they using?

Broad spectrum answer. No.

4) If an addict in recovery promises to tell you when they have an urge, do they actually tell you?

If it was me, no. I'd talk to my sponsor.

5) what are the chances of relapse ?

They are what they are. I have to catch myself when I begin to think (or obsess) about something that is not within my control. I don't own anyone else's relapse or recovery.......however, I do own mine.

Glad you're here. Glad you're asking questions. Keep digging. But don't just look for the answers you want to hear. Pay close attention to the answers that get your ire up a little.....as those may be closer to the truth. You know the saying....."it hit a raw nerve".

gentle hugs
ke

Oh but so many do get access to drugs in jail my son always did and now he is in prison and can still get them if he chooses.

This is what I'm doing. I'm obsessing over him using drugs again. He tells me that I can't worry about that because ill be miserable. He says well I don't want to use drugs. I don't have plans on doing drugs. What's that mean?!?

It means to me that you are codependent and its time to address your own issues. Codependent No More is a great book to start you own recovery.