Daughter in jail
 

I got a call at work this afternoon from the police station. It was an officer that I know. He said they picked AD up today for posession (weed), & drug abuse, smoking weed. He was calling as a courtesy, as he knows the some of the problems that we have been thru. This is the first time she has ever been arrested. He said they searched car, (she was with a friend) but nothing else found. Their DOC is oxy's. I don't know if she is doing pills right now, I know she passed a drug test last week at Dr. appt. Anyway, he asked me what I wanted to do. I told him nothing, I don't want to do anything. He said daughter was freaking out about children and was wanting to call me. I told him to tell her I would take care of children, but DON'T CALL ME, because there is nothing I can do for her. Of course, by then my heart is going 90 miles an hour and my first instinct was to leave work to deal with this. Then I went to the bathroom and cried, ask my higher power to help me to stay the hell out of her way! Dried my eyes and finished my last hour of work

I have REALLY been tryin to stay out of her business and needless to say right now I am having a hard time with that. My grandkids are at the sitter's house, as she had just gotten out of class when pulled over. So, I call the sitter and tell her the story, and the sitter is a one of a kind person. She knew how upset I was and told me to leave the kids there, overnite if needed. Here I am at work trying to deal with all this sh!!, and work at the same time.

So, then her xabf called, guess she called him, and wanted to start in with putting her down, knew this was gonna happen, what about the kids, blah,blah,blah. Said she needed $100 to bond out. Now I know these charges are not serious, and at some point, either tonite or in the morning, they are gonna let her sign her own bond. I told him that I didn't want to hear anymore from him, he is just as bad as she is. Also told him I was not bonding her out.

So now I am home from work, I do not plan on going and getting her and for now I have unplugged the phone, just to give me some down time. I know the kids are fine where they are at until I can deal with my feelings & go pick them up.

I am really tryin to hold on here. I know what I need to do and what I don't need to do, but knowing that isn't helping with how I am feeling: anxiety, frustration, sadness, anger, ect. So I came here to vent. :a043:

Thanks for listening.
Gotahavfaith

Sounds to me like "you did good, real good".

Her choices, her consequences.

Breathe and eat some chocolate.

You know we live in an alternate universe than others when a crisis occurs in our immediate circle and we respond with shutting off our phones and grabbing the first available bubble bath.

Let the addicts run in circles and point their fingers at each other. We have better fish to fry. You stay the course your on. No need to help anyone with their own consequences or listen to an addict use this as an opportunity to say "see, I'm not as messed up as she is." I say phooey to all that!

Good for you for securing the kiddos and giving yourself some time to decompress. You'll be better for it and so will they.

Things will be brighter tomorrow!!

Alice

Thank you guys, I think I'll just sit here by the computer, read everything in here and eat chocolate cookies. I plugged the phone back in for 5 minutes to call babysitter and tell her I would be up later to get kids, and damned if it didn't ring 2 different times before I could get it unplugged. I am gonna go for a walk in a little bit, turn the music up really loud and NOT walk by the police station. (It is a very small town) My heart rate is still really high, but it is slowing down some. Trying not to even think about when they release her. Will deal with that when it comes. (Hopefully tomorrow) I'm sure I will be back tonite, just tryin to slow my thoughts down for a little while.

GOTAHAVFAITH

Just sending (((hugs))) you are doing great! Take that long walk, it always helps.

Hugs from me too because knowing we're doing the right thing doesn't make it hurt any less but it's still the right thing.

Well done on how you handled everything. Grab the Calgon, treat yourself to a long bubble bath, and just enjoy your peace tonight.

Hugs

Hugs to you. seems like our chaos keeps popping up. Heck, I have done the bubble bath tonight and now going for the chocolate cake with tons of icecream!!!!

Tomorrow will be a brighter day!!!!!!!!! Just a matter of sorting all the emotions and getting things in check.

I think you handled the whole thing beautifully. At least you have been blessed with a babysitter who thinks a lot of you and the children and is willing to step in when a crisis looms. You are safe, the kids are safe, and your daughter is safe at least for tonight in jail. All is calm. Enjoy the night and what you can of the day tomorrow - you are in Ohio, right? I'm in Illinois. First storms tomorrow afternoon and then near 100 degree heat all weekend so get outside tomorrow if you can and relax. :ghug3

Sending some hugs your way. Try to find a way to relax. Addiction can be sooo hard on us too. Hugs, Marle

Hugs to you -- One Day At A Time -- Today is covered --
Chocolate is a Food Group! -- Be Good to Yourself and Your Serenity..
Best Wishes

Thanks for all the encouragement. Walked my little behind off for 45 minutes, and I do feel better. Can't bring myself to talk to anyone in person right now so I appreciate you guys bein here. This is my first experience with the jail thing. Thanking my HP for keeping me strong enough to follow thru. I did call the station just to see if they were going to let her out tonite and my friend said not till in the mornin. (Thanks again HP) He said he talked to her and that she had been cryin since she had been there. I think that is good, glad something can make her cry. I am gonna go get the kids now, the sitter has their baths done, and jammies on and they are ready for bed. Will bring them home put them to bed, kiss their little heads, thank God that everyone is safe for the nite. And I'm comin back here, probably won't sleep anyway, but I'm so much calmer now. Got to decide how to handle tomorrow.

Gotahavfaith

OH, I forgot I have Ben & Jerrys Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough and Chocolate Dibs in the freezer, will share, LOL.

Gotahavfaith

Yummy! Ice cream always makes me feel better. :)

I know how difficult this is. I don't even blink an eye anymore when the AD ends up in jail. I've lost count of the times she's been in.

Give those precious grandkids a kiss on the forehead from me!

:ghug2

((((Gotahavfaith))))) Doing the right thing is rarely easy. I hope you sleep peacefully.

Freedom, gave the kids extra kisses tonite

Well the kids are asleep and it seems that I now have to come up with a Plan A for tomorrow. Sitter is going to keep kids for me and see if I can get out of work at least early. Too short handed to take the day off. That problem solved.
Now comes the issue that I don't know how to handle yet. I really want to handle this right. What do I do once AD is out of jail. How involved do I get myself in the kid issue. Or do I? Once she is out do I just let her pick up the kids, not sure I can stop her legally, do I have the (personal) right to stop her? Should I just let it play out? UHGGGG. I just don't know.

I do feel differently than what I thought I would by now. Not that long ago, I probably would have went and got her, not because she couldn't stand it, but because I couldn't stand it. It hurts, I'm uncomfortable, but I have no desire to rescue her this time. It feels strange, but in a way good. DOES THAT MAKE SENSE?

I think that means that I am getting better. I am sick and tired of being sick and tired. Really sick and really tired. I just want to live my life, find some self-fullfillment, and worry about whether I am happy. I kind of like only worrying about me.

But then I come back to trying to figure out what is my business and what isn't.

I am much more tired than I thought I would be so, I think for tonite I am gonna sleep on it, pray on it and give it to God for tonite. Let it go for tonite. But I would appreciate if anyone had any thoughts, experience, ect., please share with me. I do have to make some kind of a decision in the morning. I will be up early in the morning and could use all the help I can get.

Gotahavfaith :praying

Yes it makes perfect sense, and as I've said many times, the only way to get past the discomfort is to face it and walk through it. You are making progress!

I lost the desire to 'rescue' my AD many years ago. I had nothing left to give, to be honest.

Grandparents don't have rights where I live, unfortunately.

Keeping you in my prayers! :ghug2

I didn't get a chance to see what everyone posted.

We use this saying a lot round here, you're right where, you're supposed to be.

The best thing that, happened to me on my last overnight stay at the gray bar hotel, no one would bail me out. That, was my wake up call.

Some people, aren't even bothered by getting tossed into jail. I on the other hand really got a chance to think about where, I'd put myself. My bad decision making put me where I was.

Tough love comes into play here.

I've no problems with helping my kids out if, they have an occasional emergency. I also tell them, if, you put yourself in jail, you need to figure out how to get out of there.
If, this isn't a painful reminder to her , where her life is heading, she's more apt to repeat it.

(((((((((((((Gotahavfaith))))))))))))))

Day by day...

I still don't have a clear plan. Guess I will take kids to sitter, go to work and let it all play out as it will. Still praying to HP to show me the way. Thanks everyone.

Gotahavfaith

Turning it over has always helped me and the answers became clear when I was listening and ready to hear them.

Sending more hugs because I know how hard it is to continue with normal routine when my life is turned upside down. :hug:

I don't have *that kind* of experience (yet), but this sounds like the right thing to me. If the kids need help, God will make it known to you.

Just keep breathing....and handing it over. Will be thinking of you today.
:praying

You did great!!!! - especially being that this is her first arrest. I was a maniac the first time my son was arrested and it was ME who had him arrested. I think the hardest thing for me after detaching is that then i didnt know what to do. i had always ran around crazy fixing things and suddenly i didnt have that anymore - that's when I had to finally deal with my own emotions. It was hard but you can get through it - allowing myself to feel anger without freaking out, fear without trying to fix things, sadness without despair has been a long journey that i still have to work at but it is getting easier.

Lets hope this does something or is starting her path to rock bottom. I pray she hits it quickly so she can start coming back up.

Hon, I think that is the best that you can do, and really, that's all our HP wants. :ghug2 :ghug2

Daughter called work a little while ago, she is out of jail. Goes to court Monday. If she pleads guilty, it stays in our little village court, $250 fine and MAYBE a years probation, no reporting tho as long as she doesn't get in anymore trouble. If she pleads not guilty then it goes to our municipal court.

I wasn't sure what to expect when I talked to her, but she was calm, thanks for getting kids Mom, I am sorry Mom, gonna change my life Mom. She said last nite was the worst nite of her life. The officer that was there talked to her about the decisions she was making, she tried to talk him into letting her sign her own bond last nite, but he told her no. I am so grateful that he was on duty. Maybe HP had a hand in that too. She said she really didn't expect me to bail her out because I had told her I was done, and this time she said she knew I meant it.

She is going to go get the kids, she & kids have been staying with a friend and that is where they are going. I think I am just going to let her take responsibility for her & kids. These are her kids and she is going to have to decide what is best for them at this point. I'm not sure that now is the time for me to step in. We all have a journey on this earth, we all have a HP watching over us, and I know the kids have extra angels watching over them. I have prayed for God to keep them safe. If and when I need to step in I have prayed that I will know.

Thank you all for your prayers and hugs. I really needed them. I do feel that something has changed in me and this site has played a big part in that.

Gotahavfaith

It's never easy watching our kids stumble in life. :(

Experience is the best teacher

Praying for you and your family, that your daughter has learned a lesson!!

gotahavfaith, You did amazing. Yep, I know how it hurt, I know how hard it was, but you did SO GOOD. Right from the start you stuck to your boundaries, then today, you continued to stay in your own hula hoop.

It is amazing to me that when I finally let go (and I mean REALLY let go) that HP's plan has the room to work. I don't know why it is still so hard to just get out of HP's way. I'm just that stubborn I guess. lol

However, you did just that. :You_Rock_

Well, it sounds like IT is working! Keep IT up!

Saying a little prayer for you and your family right now...

Hugs!

Hello Everyone!

Thank you ALL!!! I mean that from the bottom of my heart.

I feel like today is a new day, a new me! Even tho I still have some anxiety, I AM GETTING THRU IT.

Gotahavfaith

Got to have Faith,

Wow, you are doing a great job of minding your own business, taking care of you and turning it over to HP. You daughter has a HP too and he seems to be taking care of her just fine.

You stepped in when the grandkids needed you and took care of them, turned them over to a capable day care provider and let your daughter pick them up, just as she should - they're her kids.

GREAT, GREAT, GREAT, GREAT job! C O N G R A T U L A T I O N S ! ! !

Thank you so much JMF. I really needed to hear that. Brought tears to my eyes. :thanks:thanks:thanks

Maybe I won't be so afraid to post here anymore. I am tired of being afraid.

Gotahavfaith