Daughter in jail

Old 08-06-2009, 03:14 PM
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Daughter in jail

I got a call at work this afternoon from the police station. It was an officer that I know. He said they picked AD up today for posession (weed), & drug abuse, smoking weed. He was calling as a courtesy, as he knows the some of the problems that we have been thru. This is the first time she has ever been arrested. He said they searched car, (she was with a friend) but nothing else found. Their DOC is oxy's. I don't know if she is doing pills right now, I know she passed a drug test last week at Dr. appt. Anyway, he asked me what I wanted to do. I told him nothing, I don't want to do anything. He said daughter was freaking out about children and was wanting to call me. I told him to tell her I would take care of children, but DON'T CALL ME, because there is nothing I can do for her. Of course, by then my heart is going 90 miles an hour and my first instinct was to leave work to deal with this. Then I went to the bathroom and cried, ask my higher power to help me to stay the hell out of her way! Dried my eyes and finished my last hour of work

I have REALLY been tryin to stay out of her business and needless to say right now I am having a hard time with that. My grandkids are at the sitter's house, as she had just gotten out of class when pulled over. So, I call the sitter and tell her the story, and the sitter is a one of a kind person. She knew how upset I was and told me to leave the kids there, overnite if needed. Here I am at work trying to deal with all this sh!!, and work at the same time.

So, then her xabf called, guess she called him, and wanted to start in with putting her down, knew this was gonna happen, what about the kids, blah,blah,blah. Said she needed $100 to bond out. Now I know these charges are not serious, and at some point, either tonite or in the morning, they are gonna let her sign her own bond. I told him that I didn't want to hear anymore from him, he is just as bad as she is. Also told him I was not bonding her out.

So now I am home from work, I do not plan on going and getting her and for now I have unplugged the phone, just to give me some down time. I know the kids are fine where they are at until I can deal with my feelings & go pick them up.

I am really tryin to hold on here. I know what I need to do and what I don't need to do, but knowing that isn't helping with how I am feeling: anxiety, frustration, sadness, anger, ect. So I came here to vent.

Thanks for listening.
Gotahavfaith
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Old 08-06-2009, 03:34 PM
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Sounds to me like "you did good, real good".

Her choices, her consequences.

Breathe and eat some chocolate.
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Old 08-06-2009, 03:43 PM
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You know we live in an alternate universe than others when a crisis occurs in our immediate circle and we respond with shutting off our phones and grabbing the first available bubble bath.

Let the addicts run in circles and point their fingers at each other. We have better fish to fry. You stay the course your on. No need to help anyone with their own consequences or listen to an addict use this as an opportunity to say "see, I'm not as messed up as she is." I say phooey to all that!

Good for you for securing the kiddos and giving yourself some time to decompress. You'll be better for it and so will they.

Things will be brighter tomorrow!!

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Old 08-06-2009, 04:02 PM
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Thank you guys, I think I'll just sit here by the computer, read everything in here and eat chocolate cookies. I plugged the phone back in for 5 minutes to call babysitter and tell her I would be up later to get kids, and damned if it didn't ring 2 different times before I could get it unplugged. I am gonna go for a walk in a little bit, turn the music up really loud and NOT walk by the police station. (It is a very small town) My heart rate is still really high, but it is slowing down some. Trying not to even think about when they release her. Will deal with that when it comes. (Hopefully tomorrow) I'm sure I will be back tonite, just tryin to slow my thoughts down for a little while.

GOTAHAVFAITH
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Old 08-06-2009, 04:15 PM
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Just sending (((hugs))) you are doing great! Take that long walk, it always helps.
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Old 08-06-2009, 04:26 PM
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Hugs from me too because knowing we're doing the right thing doesn't make it hurt any less but it's still the right thing.

Well done on how you handled everything. Grab the Calgon, treat yourself to a long bubble bath, and just enjoy your peace tonight.

Hugs
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Old 08-06-2009, 04:48 PM
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Hugs to you. seems like our chaos keeps popping up. Heck, I have done the bubble bath tonight and now going for the chocolate cake with tons of icecream!!!!

Tomorrow will be a brighter day!!!!!!!!! Just a matter of sorting all the emotions and getting things in check.
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Old 08-06-2009, 04:50 PM
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I think you handled the whole thing beautifully. At least you have been blessed with a babysitter who thinks a lot of you and the children and is willing to step in when a crisis looms. You are safe, the kids are safe, and your daughter is safe at least for tonight in jail. All is calm. Enjoy the night and what you can of the day tomorrow - you are in Ohio, right? I'm in Illinois. First storms tomorrow afternoon and then near 100 degree heat all weekend so get outside tomorrow if you can and relax. :ghug3
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Old 08-06-2009, 05:54 PM
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Sending some hugs your way. Try to find a way to relax. Addiction can be sooo hard on us too. Hugs, Marle
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Old 08-06-2009, 05:56 PM
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Hugs to you -- One Day At A Time -- Today is covered --
Chocolate is a Food Group! -- Be Good to Yourself and Your Serenity..
Best Wishes
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Old 08-06-2009, 06:10 PM
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Thanks for all the encouragement. Walked my little behind off for 45 minutes, and I do feel better. Can't bring myself to talk to anyone in person right now so I appreciate you guys bein here. This is my first experience with the jail thing. Thanking my HP for keeping me strong enough to follow thru. I did call the station just to see if they were going to let her out tonite and my friend said not till in the mornin. (Thanks again HP) He said he talked to her and that she had been cryin since she had been there. I think that is good, glad something can make her cry. I am gonna go get the kids now, the sitter has their baths done, and jammies on and they are ready for bed. Will bring them home put them to bed, kiss their little heads, thank God that everyone is safe for the nite. And I'm comin back here, probably won't sleep anyway, but I'm so much calmer now. Got to decide how to handle tomorrow.

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Old 08-06-2009, 06:14 PM
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OH, I forgot I have Ben & Jerrys Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough and Chocolate Dibs in the freezer, will share, LOL.

Gotahavfaith
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Old 08-06-2009, 07:05 PM
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Originally Posted by gotahavfaith View Post
OH, I forgot I have Ben & Jerrys Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough and Chocolate Dibs in the freezer, will share, LOL.
Yummy! Ice cream always makes me feel better.

I know how difficult this is. I don't even blink an eye anymore when the AD ends up in jail. I've lost count of the times she's been in.

Give those precious grandkids a kiss on the forehead from me!

:ghug2
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Old 08-06-2009, 07:15 PM
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((((Gotahavfaith))))) Doing the right thing is rarely easy. I hope you sleep peacefully.
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Old 08-06-2009, 08:47 PM
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Freedom, gave the kids extra kisses tonite

Well the kids are asleep and it seems that I now have to come up with a Plan A for tomorrow. Sitter is going to keep kids for me and see if I can get out of work at least early. Too short handed to take the day off. That problem solved.
Now comes the issue that I don't know how to handle yet. I really want to handle this right. What do I do once AD is out of jail. How involved do I get myself in the kid issue. Or do I? Once she is out do I just let her pick up the kids, not sure I can stop her legally, do I have the (personal) right to stop her? Should I just let it play out? UHGGGG. I just don't know.

I do feel differently than what I thought I would by now. Not that long ago, I probably would have went and got her, not because she couldn't stand it, but because I couldn't stand it. It hurts, I'm uncomfortable, but I have no desire to rescue her this time. It feels strange, but in a way good. DOES THAT MAKE SENSE?

I think that means that I am getting better. I am sick and tired of being sick and tired. Really sick and really tired. I just want to live my life, find some self-fullfillment, and worry about whether I am happy. I kind of like only worrying about me.

But then I come back to trying to figure out what is my business and what isn't.

I am much more tired than I thought I would be so, I think for tonite I am gonna sleep on it, pray on it and give it to God for tonite. Let it go for tonite. But I would appreciate if anyone had any thoughts, experience, ect., please share with me. I do have to make some kind of a decision in the morning. I will be up early in the morning and could use all the help I can get.

Gotahavfaith :praying
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Old 08-06-2009, 09:02 PM
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Originally Posted by gotahavfaith View Post
I do feel differently than what I thought I would by now. Not that long ago, I probably would have went and got her, not because she couldn't stand it, but because I couldn't stand it. It hurts, I'm uncomfortable, but I have no desire to rescue her this time. It feels strange, but in a way good. DOES THAT MAKE SENSE?
Yes it makes perfect sense, and as I've said many times, the only way to get past the discomfort is to face it and walk through it. You are making progress!

I lost the desire to 'rescue' my AD many years ago. I had nothing left to give, to be honest.

Grandparents don't have rights where I live, unfortunately.

Keeping you in my prayers! :ghug2
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Old 08-06-2009, 09:14 PM
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I didn't get a chance to see what everyone posted.

We use this saying a lot round here, you're right where, you're supposed to be.

The best thing that, happened to me on my last overnight stay at the gray bar hotel, no one would bail me out. That, was my wake up call.

Some people, aren't even bothered by getting tossed into jail. I on the other hand really got a chance to think about where, I'd put myself. My bad decision making put me where I was.

Tough love comes into play here.

I've no problems with helping my kids out if, they have an occasional emergency. I also tell them, if, you put yourself in jail, you need to figure out how to get out of there.
If, this isn't a painful reminder to her , where her life is heading, she's more apt to repeat it.
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Old 08-07-2009, 12:47 AM
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(((((((((((((Gotahavfaith))))))))))))))

Day by day...
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Old 08-07-2009, 02:59 AM
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I still don't have a clear plan. Guess I will take kids to sitter, go to work and let it all play out as it will. Still praying to HP to show me the way. Thanks everyone.

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Old 08-07-2009, 03:07 AM
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Originally Posted by gotahavfaith View Post
I still don't have a clear plan. Guess I will take kids to sitter, go to work and let it all play out as it will. Still praying to HP to show me the way. Thanks everyone.

Gotahavfaith
Turning it over has always helped me and the answers became clear when I was listening and ready to hear them.

Sending more hugs because I know how hard it is to continue with normal routine when my life is turned upside down.
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