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Is this addict/alcoholic behavior? Well Kathy is hanging in there somewhat after our latest "tiff" the other night. We took daughter out for dinner last night and as we were leaving Kathy said wow i really feel the cravings, i used to come here to this restaurant after drinking. Well we went to her house and she went to bed, I stayed up and worked on cleaning house for a showing of the house (it is for sale) this afternoon. Well she was quite lethargic, and anxious, and depressed and as the day went on seemed a bit better. Well then she dropped me off at my house at 5:00 pm.....sent me a text telling me thank you so much for all your help with the house, i dunno what i d have done without you. 2 hours later she goes on a texting rampage accusing me of lying to her and breaking a promise and "her instincts are telling her i am lying and that i should just come clean with her now cause if she finds out i was lying she is leaving". i called her and said i realize you are stressed, overwhelmed with alot of stuff and depressed, anxious, etc but there is no need to take it out on me. I ve kept up my end of the bargain, no more lying etc and that i love her and if she needs a hug or to talk or get coffee etc that she can call and tell me t hat but that her accusations insulted me and hurt me and she had no right to say those things to me. A little bit after the voice mail i got a text asking if it was still storming outside? I said yes and wished she was here to watch (we like to watch storms) and asked if she had cravings. I ve not heard anything since. help? |
Originally Posted by greenapplecider ... asked if she had cravings. If she offers the information, then I listen, but I am not her therapist or sponsor. I'm just someone who loves her. This is called loving detachment and it has really helped me gain some peace of mind. Is it alcoholic behaviour? Well, alcoholics are erratic, emotional, unreliable, and any number of other unpleasant things. They are just really hard to live with. Until the person has a solid three months of recovery, their behaviour is probably messed up in general, whether they are drinking or not. |
well she the first stab at recovery had 76 days sober....now as far as i know she has 8 days sober, but she has been missing her meetings again. :( |
GAC - Can't remember, but are you going to Al-Anon meetings or a therapist? What are you doing for your support? |
i am going to start going to al-anon meetings soon I am hoping there is one tonight. I knew this would be a roller coaster but to have her filled with praise and happiness and then 2 hours later telling me i am lying to her , etc...... |
I really think that Al-Anon will help you..you'll have face to face support with people who have been there... Also - going to open AA meetings will help give you an understanding of the disease... Only you can get off the rollercoaster - by focusing on yourself.. |
is what she did last night unusual? I ve not heard anything from her since last night when she asked me if it was raining/storming here. I know she is cleaning house as she has a big open house this weekend and had stated we'd not get much time together this weekend due to her needing to work on the house, but....after what she did last night, feels weird being in limbo |
The whole point GAC - is not whether what she is doing or not doing - but for you to get the focus off of her..and on to you. As F&F of A's we spend inordinate hours focussing and obsessing about what they are doing.. These are precious hours that we can spend on making our life better and more peaceful.. Get it? You can never understand what is going on in an A's mind - or anyone's mind for that matter. |
That was not unusual behavior for my ex-abf... he would switch moods/decisions at a drop of the hat... Minix is right though, you will never figure them out... there is just no understanding how their minds work. I suggest just getting busy with the job of living your life, see if you can attend a meeting and keep getting educated about the disease. Do something special for yourself today |
i understand minx....just really bothers me that at one moment she is thanking me for all i did for the house and then turnign around and accusing me over and over of lying to her (which i have not done) |
And you can find a lot of relief for those feelings by attending Al-anon and working your own recovery program. There is no logic to how the alcoholic behaves - it is guaranteed to make you crazy - it doesn't make sense - you really have to step off the roller coaster. God Bless |
i did call an alcoholic/drug addiction helpline and talked with them for quite awhile. They thought Kathy was trying to get me to fight so i could "feed the addiction" by giving her reason to "justify" her going to drink etc, and when i would not fight and instead showed backbone and love, that the fight went out of her. Thoughts? |
Yes..that's true..she could be looking for a reason to drink.. AND you will learn more tools in Al-Anon to help retain your sanity.. There are 3 C's of Alcoholism: you didn't cause it, you CAN"T CURE IT, and you can't control it.. remember that in the upcoming days... |
yea it hurts to see her struggle this way , and even more so when she lashes out at me. |
one thing i just remembered. She mentioned yesterday that her soon to be ex husband would lie to her etc when she d get into this mode, so I guess it does make sense that when she is in this mode, she'd feel like "gac MUST be lying coz xh used to do that all the time when i d feel low etc.. |
Dude....you really need to do something for yourself.... You spend way too much time focusing, thinking and guessing about this woman....you need your own life.... |
pm yep i am going to my first alanon meeting tonight! |
whew......glad to hear that |
yea i need to get that support. |
Have you read the stickies at the tops of the anon forums? They are very helpful and insightful! |
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