Well I have not posted in some time, simply because nothing has happened.
I have not heard from her since the week before Christimas.

Yeah I'm pretty worried, and I'm wondering if she moved on all together.
It's been so hard dealing with all this and everyone understand what it has been like.


It’s very true that dealing with an alcoholic is far different then anything else.
It requires a whole different outlook altogether, a whole new way of thinking.
This has affected me like you in so many ways. We become controlling in every sense of the word. Our lives are lost because we lived for the care and hope of our wives.

I lost myself; I had no friends that were outside of the clubs. My hobbies fell by the way side.
When I joined Al-anon I did not even know what I liked to do in my free time.
I was lost in the disease. Still am.

There are others there, men who were separated for up to 2 years from their wives.
Some of the same insanity we have experienced, they got help through Al-anon.
They got help for themselves, and their wives got the help they needed.
Somewhere along the way, the miracle happened.
Their families are whole, not perfect, but a work in progress.
I would kill for this.

No, some do not fully understand what others and we have gone through in this.

The 3 or 4 day drinking binges, where they would get sick and vomit just to start drinking again.
The sleepless nights from worrying, or the 3am pick up from the DUI tank at the jail.
They no not of the fights and violence, the crying, the begging.

No they don’t know of being at work and waiting that call from your wife when she finally wakes up at 3pm , out of her nightly coma, just to do it again.

They have never carried in her lifeless body from the car after she passes out at work. And they have never taken the blame for missing family events.

And they have never had to look into a child’s eyes and tell him that his mother wasn’t feeling good and would be in bed all day, again.

No they do not know of the things you and I do. But they know of love.
And I married my wife because I love her, and still do.

So here I am. I really do not know for how long, but I'm here.

Sunday is always bad for me, it was a family day.

And as I said no one really understands any of this .

Wife called,

At 1st I did not know what to say. I asked how she was.

She told me that her car just got repossessed.
Four months in the rear. She was so mad and upset. She thought I should know since my name was on the loan also.
She did get all my mail and letters, but feels she need to get her life going before we work on us.

She told me that she still did not know what to do about us at this time, but as of right now we are just separated.

She said she would call me next week. As we were talking my office phone rang, I told her to hang on. On the phone was a buddy!
I told him I would call him back.
All of the sudden my wife says to me, "just tell your girlfriend you'll call her later"

HUH???
I said wait, you do not understand, this was a friend. She said whatever.

I could tell she was hurting and about to cry.
I said look there is no one else, just you.
It's been 7 months, I still miss you , still want to talk to you , I'm here.

She said she was not in the mood right now for "US" talk, which was understandable.

She said she was starting work again soon, and even thought of dancing again because of her sitch.

I'm sorry I said please do not go back to doing that.
She asked why and I told her that I felt it was stealing her soul.
I can not believe that came out of my mouth.
She said my soul, but all we did in the past I'm shocked you saying this.

I told her that I have changed a great deal, and with that I'm a stronger person.
That I felt she was better then that.
She agreed with me.
She said she had calls to make, to work this out with the car.
I told her to let me know the out come. She told me she might call me later today.

Who knows.
I told her that I was always here for her.

I wished so hard to hear something. Now I got this..

I'm glad you finally heard from her, and at first, it was all sounding good when she was talking about working on herself first...But then when she mentioned the dancing, that kind've sends a "red flag" ..I hope she was calling to see how you were doing and not calling because she wants you to pay for her car and still remain separated..But I'm sure it feels better for you to at least know how she is doing..So, you don't have to worry...

I understand about hearing from her, but heck, now she lost her car!!!!!

MR C

Can you read this back and imagine it was a friend telling you about his life?

It seems to be that she is yanking your chain and you are letting her.

Yes SHE did. Her problem. Totally not yours.

(((hugs)))

Minnie
xxx

Just be cautious!! They have to hit "rock bottom", so it would be a good idea to not bail her out!!! Let her fall....

Minnie How are you??

Yes it is her problem, but hell this stuff just does not get better.

EORW , I think she might be on her way there.

The past few days have been real bad for me.

The mornings are getting worse.
I'm afraid of my own thoughts now.

You have to hang in there!! It will get better!!! I know it probably don't feel like it will get better, but it will...You will become stronger...It takes time and time heals...Concentrate on yourself and take baby steps..Even doing something little each day for yourself...You are a good person and should take pride in who you are and believe in yourself..

Mr C

I'm doing OK, thank you. I have good days and bad days, but I'm getting through them whichever they are. Coming here is a huge help and particularly replying to other people's problems seems to help me work through my own issues.

Can I ask you a few questions? And don't forget, I'm saying this with no malice.

Do you actually want this to get better? Are you afraid to be happy? Do you miss the chaos? Do you miss the rescuing?

These are questions I have to ask myself sometimes.

Things will get better, but you have to do WHATEVER IT TAKES. Your recovery (and mine) is no different to that of an addict.

Hang in there.

Love

Minnie
xxx

I hope it get better, right now it isnt.

Yes I do want it to be better, and the chaos seems to go on with her, if she is here or not.

I do miss her though , very much so what do I do?

Hi Mr. Christian--how are you? Has anything improved--I hope so--prayers--Dee

Hi Dee ,
Just waiting through the whole thing.
Her car was repo'd so thats about it.
How are you?

You know I am starting to believe and maybe knew all along that most of all our trouble with this emotional hell is all within us.
I sat here today after I got home from work thinking about how things are now VS what they were about a year ago.
Although I miss my wife more each day, my life as a whole is in a much simpler form.

Yes I’m behind in bills and I really never have too much any more in the way of food or cash, I seem to think some things are easier. But some things are even harder to deal with also.

I sent off the greeting card to my dear wife today. A really nice card about missing our good times together and I painted some flowers in the inside of the card.
I think as far as emotion and conveying my feelings, she knows it’s up to her head and heart now.

I feel sorry for her sitch right now, and everything that goes with it. I also can not believe she made the choices she has which has lead to this.

The girl I met and fell in love with seems so very different right now. But some where inside that woman that I deal with now is that girl.
I still feel it, just unable to reach her right now.

My friend, the one who has always helped me with his wisdom from Alanon, called me today.

It seems that when he came home from an out of town business trip, he came home to find his wife drunk.
After 5 months of sobriety, she fell.

The effects of this will be felt for awhile. Her freedom and them keeping their children pretty much has hindered on her not drinking. This is the wish of the legal system.

So I see another person that has become a dear friend suffer the effects of alcoholism,

This man is stronger then anyone I have ever met. He went through at least 4 years of legal and financial battles to save his family.

He took his wife back in and I remember the joy on his face when she came home. So now, I might sit here by myself, but I think of my friend. He is not alone ,but told me he wishes he was.

The man I met and fell in love with 14 years ago seems almost like he is dead..Like he is nowhere to be found...I took every card and every letter he ever gave me this past weekend on the curbside in a garbage bag for the garbage man to pick up...(I told him this the other day)...He couldn't believe that I would do this..He promised yesterday that he would change and wants to be with me forever and he's been saying he loves me and he's sorry and then last night while I was eating with friends, he called my cellphone and said "You are never going to believe this, but I have to go meet Mark (his friend) and go over some things"..He said "You can call Mark's house the whole night if you want"..I just said "Whatever and hung up"...Here we go again..Him staying out and not coming home once again and using his work as his excuse...He knows I'm talking to an attorney and filing for divorce and he's had a million chances to change..I get sick of getting jealous of other people that have normal families..every day when I drop my 4 year old at this preschool that this girl has in her home and I'll see her husband shoveling the snow getting ready to go to work and I wish I had that..They don't have much money, but they have a family..A normal family...She has no idea that I wish I could switch lives with her..She always tells me how funny my husband is...(Yeah, he's a real barrel of laughs????)...

We are blessed
 

that in our county there are many resources for those in need of help. There are lots of meetings, lots of organizations who can give referrals to many resources that are 'under the radar' and should your wife ever wish to return to the financial arena, lots of hiring going on.

I hope you find peace.

Good Luck and glad to hear things are going well...You sound much better than before!!! Take care!!

damn things seem to be getting worse now

What's going on, Mr C?

Im not sure Minnie, i just feel all is lost right now.