Authenticity
 

Yup.. Somebody asked me what would make me happy right now and I said it wouldn't be a new relationship. Ye.. Company would be nice. But I don't want a relationship just so I'm not lonely.

Marriage is a thing.. Friendship is a feeling, growth, care, support. With a friendship you can go anywhere.. I think marriage can be such a burden.

Oh Amen!!!! I just had a close friend tell me yesterday that she cannot believe the change within me and how I act and handle things. For YEARS I could not see myself not being a married person. It was all I knew.

Now I know better. I strive for happiness for myself. I hope for happiness for others, but am now wise enough to know I cannot make that happen for anyone, they have to do make that happen for them. I can only control me, and that is what I am doing. My own actions can lead to happiness and contentment, or anger and discontentment, IT'S MY CHOICE, EVERY DAY.

I choose happy, and single! I was always trying to set up single friends, but now I don't do that anymore. Now I just try to be a friend, their life is their own path.

Shells sound like an excellent place to start friend!

There are plenty of answers in shells if you take the time to find them, put them to your ear, and listen.

Do you think it’s our inner wise self on the other end of that calcified line? I do.

Sounds as though you are healing / growing fast and he seems to be coming along as well.

Great update!

"Mary, Mary, quite contrary
how does your garden grow?
With Merry Bells and cockle shells
all in a row!"

Dazed,
You are never alone when you come here. You can always find someone to talk to. I'm glad you found some awesome shells today. Keep looking after yourself and taking it one day at a time.

Pat yourself on the back friend! Who is this person??

I am so proud of you!

It is wonderful he is doing so well in recovery. Yes, he is moving too fast trying to organize a date for the holidays. He doesn't even have three months of recovery yet. He is still figuring out who he is in this new iteration of self. You cannot be a refuge for that.

I'm going to re-emphasize the importance of separate recovery for both of you over time.

After 25 years together, falling back into emotional reliance is pretty darn easy. That may not be the best choice short term for you as individuals, or long term for you as a couple should you choose to get back together down the road. Of course you know what is right for you, and I will always respect any choice you make.

Besides, who knows what may happen in Italy. Don't think your ex hasn't thought about that and is trying to lock you down emotionally even if it is subconscious on his part. I would do the same in his position truthfully. . .

Hope the sea is treating you well, but I'm sure it is blondie ;)

P.S. I'm a blonde too

Dazed,

I'm sorry you time at the beach is almost over. It seems like it was what your soul, body, and heart needed. I'm glad you had a great afternoon with the group of women. Hopefully you made some new friends to keep in touch with. Keep being the strong women you have become and keep rolling along.

I am so glad you went and enjoyed yourself!

What a difference a break makes!

Yes, you should set your sights on another trip there, even if it's say for a weekend, then you can look forward to it too : )

D&C

I for one have had about enough of your posts about struttin your stuff around on some beautiful beach in CA, new blond hair-do blowing in the breeze, all tanned up, meeting all kinds of people, dogs running around, & achieving some kind of peaceful zen like magical state of mind.

While I am totally stuck here at work all day long wondering when my addict is going to blow my cell phone up!

LOL JK

Love this thread.

It was about 6 mo in when i remember people telling me how different I was - those closest to me certainly did before. Now, authentic is one of the top words I get - good, bad, rarely indifferent (and much less "bad" than ever before!).

My husband is my best friend, the one I do want to spend the most time with, and so on. He is not my world. Can't be. We are both sober and as I've shared before have an unusual back story that goes to high school - but we reconnected sober, early days actually at 4.5 mo for me and a month for him - and the most important thing we did is put our individual recoveries first, then our life. Built it that way and Team Us, as we call it, is the best gift I have after sobriety.

Glad for you DC.

Most welcome - and I will add something in appreciation and recognition of your inspiring position with your ex.

I tell my husband often how much he has grown in the 3 1/2 yrs we have been together - in some ways, he is so much braver than me and stronger for the quitting because he was "normal" and just "that kind of alcoholic" ;) Who has learned so much about himself....and more pertinently to you, his ex wife got sober after he did (so a decent bit after me, maybe a year) and the transformation for them from ZERO co parenting other than minimal tactical $ issues that seemed so cold and often way beside the point to me, where they are now is a true miracle. Long story short, she even began reaching out to ME when truly serious issues came up, in addition to responding to my early simple gestures of respect (as the kids' mom, duh). To say she was ugly to and about me before would be an understatement, in the sense of true passive aggressive style ;) (btw, being a unicorn of a wife and step-mom this baffled me). I'm proud of her too - and the kids sure benefit.

Anyway, my hat is off to you for lots of reasons.

Morning Dazed,

Double chocolate sundae with whipped cream and a cherry, It's to early in the morning for making me want ice cream. It sounds like your being very strong in your conversations and really know who you are now. You should be proud of your self. I guess you are. hence the whipped cream and cherry this time. LOL.

I'm glad you are getting the time to rediscover who the real dazed is. She sounds like she is in a happy place in her heart and soul. keep posting, keep strong and roll along.

That sounds realllyyy good. I cut sugar this week. It's was a bear and I felt terrible for about 5 days. So I will just envy you as you definitely deserve a treat my friend!!!!

DC - HA! "Amends" are a unique animal, aren't they? I recall my husband telling me early on that his ex-wife thought time healed all wrongs and apologies were never necessary. So her theory for quite awhile was that her kids would essentially "forget" about [ ] - not my business how she has made amends now in her program (I know she has to my husband) but I do wonder ;)