I basically did the same thing. In the midst of my alcoholic drinking I met a woman and after a few years we were engaged to be married.

However, I was a full-blown alcoholic and realized the last thing I needed was to be married. I left the woman shortly before were to have a formal dinner with her relatives.

Yet, looking back I did her a favor. Marrying me would have been a disaster especially since I had no intentions to stop drinking.

I think the same applies to the OP. He might be quite upset but the woman did him a huge favor by leaving.

Marrying the woman who obviously has addiction issues would have been a nightmare

Ophelia,

The tiny girl comment means she literally was 110lbs. I didn’t mean it like she is a small, simpleton. She was far from it. I believe I mentioned somewhere along the way that I thought that my position may have bothered her and I brought it up, asking if she had resentment towards me getting my doctorate. From what she said, she did not. We were pretty open about that, and it was something we both agreed to me working towards, and at many times she helped me to succeed with it.

My parents relationship was very nice, they were always good to one another, but not overly lovey dovey in front of us. I’ve asked my mother many times since this happened how her relationship with my father played out, and I am told of the commitment and love and understanding they share with one another. She looks at him and sees a great man who always had her, and the family in mind. I’ll never forget when my father could have taken a job in Ohio for a large bank as the president of it, and traveled back and forth for a year while we were all in school and my mom was here with us. Time came to make the decision to move there or not, and he sat us all down and asked us what we all wanted to do, and we said we wanted to stay where we are. He resigned from that position and found a new one in the state we already lived in, to go onto even greater successes of his own all while keeping us as part of his decision making. I was once told by a good friend “that I should really be so grateful to have a father who would do such a thing.” I agree.

Now, regarding how I feel in the relationship. I never felt better than her, and where each of us was financially didn’t really ever matter, because we knew the big life steps were just about to come...I did remind her that any tough spots in this situation were only temporary, and we just both need to do what we can to be the best we can be now, on our own, and together.

I never felt superior, and all I wanted was for her to find her passion in life. We talked of opening a restaurant together some day, the millions of times watching real estate shows talking about doing investment properties together, and watching her be very successful on her own when she did do real estate initially. I was so proud of her and let her know regularly. Of course that is when the drinking got in the way and she lost her position due to it, but it lasted a good 8 months before that happened. I know I’m a grad student in biophysics, but I didn’t care that someone was not doing the same thing. We would talk science a lot, and lots of times we would talk about the human body and various effects on it. She taught me a ton about healthy eating and the scientific side of what certain foods/ minerals/vitamins do to it. I honestly couldn’t even compete with her in that category, but we would have great conversations because I could back up what she was saying knowing the formal scientific stuff with regard to chemistry and biology. This was lots of fun for us both. She may have been a model, and a real estate agent, but she was and is damn smart. We are all smart in different ways, and I don’t really care someone’s level of education as long as you pursue what you love.

I’m getting ready for work. I’ll address the rest of the comments and questions in just a bit.

Okay people, everything has been said can be said. Several times. This thread is quickly degenerating into harasment. If you have anything truly unique to contribute to the original question start a new thread.

I am closing this thread so that new people who have just arrived don't think they will get the same treatment, and so that you all can put some of your wisdom to helping them instead of just hammering on this one thread.

Mike
Moderator, SR