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Alcoholic fiance left me after everything for another, richer guy

Alcoholic fiance left me after everything for another, richer guy

Old 10-16-2017, 08:35 AM
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Alcoholic fiance left me after everything for another, richer guy

My story:

My fiance and I knew each other for about 12 years. We were always in other relationships, and had mutual friends. Then 4 and 1/2 years ago, we both were not in relationships, and we started dating. We went on happy as could be for a long time, moved in together, got a puppy together 2 years ago, and then last year we got engaged in November (2016). These were some seriously happy times for both of us, and we started making plans for the marriage, kids, homes, and future locations to live and buy homes. We had it all figured out. There was one issue...she became an alcoholic about 1 1/2 years before this, and according to her long time friends, the issue showed itself long ago. In the past few years, she was dealing with a change of jobs from being a successful model (VERY SUCCESSFUL) to much less jobs and having to rent out her condo to pay for it. Then, she decided to change jobs to realty, and did fine in that for about a year. Then she started to drink, and lost her job there, and tried to start her own business with a girlfriend. This is when she really picked up the drinking, showing up to showings drunk, and eventually the company holding her license said they will no longer hold it unless she seeks help. After November of last year, she had withdrawal seizures, and I witnessed up to 6 of them through out the next year. We attempted detox, and numerous bouts of trying outpatient rehab. She always fell back. Then in the last two months, with her mothers help and guidance, she had to leave my home to make the point. She went to her sisters, where she drank until her mother found her and called 911 to take her to the hospital. She called me and I came to her at the hospital...one of the sadest moments to see my dear sweet person so helpless to addiction. She then went to detox, and we decided with her that she needed to do more this time.

She decided to go to a $40,000 inpatientrehab program, which her mom coughed up the money for. I am just finishing my doctorate by the end of this year, and could not afford that, but her mom happily did it if it gave her a chance. She went, things were fine between us for a bit, I visited and we kissed, hugged, and said we loved one another. Then communication slowed, and I just thought she was focusing on herself in there. Then she wanted to set up a family therapy session with a therapist between us. So, the day I am to go to this, I come home early to take care of the dog and get cleaned up...she is there with a friend packing up all her things. I got no answers and was heart broken and scared. She said we will talk at the meeting. I go there, and she tells me that she always focused on the bad stuff with her mother that caused issues in her life, then she thought about her other relationships...which was with me...she said that if we got married, we would have kids, and never get divorced, and could possibly be miserable. That she wasn't in love with me anymore, and gave me the ring back and that we couldn't be together. She said that things weren't as good for the past two years...but this is extremely questionable because of what I will talk about later...She walks out for a break, and I asked the therapist what was going on, and he said she has a very complex thought process, and it is extremely hard to follow her reasoning. He also said he has expressed his concerns to her and me that she is making decisions too quickly and particularly in rehab to not make any major life changes for at minimum a year. I asked her if there was someone else involved, and she said no...

This is where it turns for the way worse...

Leaves me broken hearted looking for answers, and she got out the following weekend and said she was leaving. I pleaded and said our relationship was beautiful and our future is just ahead of us...that I love her, and stood by her through all of this. She says she needs a few last things from my house, and came on a Monday. She came with her sister and a guy...that I had seen at the rehab place. My immediate thought...she is cheating. I asked the guy if they are in a relationship, he said no, I asked if he planned to, he said no. Then she grabbed a few things, I asked for one last hug, and then showed her the ring as she drove off with this guy. Turns out, she left the rehab with someone from there in rehab romance. She left with him to move to his state and move in with him immediately. She later told me that she was with him and that's that. They are together now for a month and a half, and I have cut all contact with her...she calls and texts here and there, and I do not answer. Turns out this guy was in rehab for drugs...but is a wealthy son of a business owner. She leaves all her family and friends behind, and tells us all nothing. Leaves me with our two year old pup, and doesn't care, although she asked me if she could have him.

Again this is where it gets worse. Turns out she was drinking day one out of rehab with this guy. She has been drinking since. Numerous friends, family, and myself have heard her drunk on the phone. But the proof was when she admitted it to one of her best friends. We are all double checking our stories with one another, and it just turns out she moved there, is drinking, not working, and is "planning to move to Miami to do real estate with him."

Now, I know this story is way more complex due to alcohol and addiction...but I don't know whats going on. She dropped me and everyone like stones, picked up and left with another guy. All her friends, me and her family all have many stories of weird delusional stories she tells. That she isn't making much sense, and dodges many questions, and wont even really speak about me at all. Its like she is blocking out the thought of me to ensure the emotion of me doesn't surface. She seems to act in conviction, but yet everyone is getting really odd stuff out of her. Some points to add to this about the odd stuff:
1. Miami is a drug and booze party place, we had been there together, she knows this...and wants to move there and compete with the biggest and best real estate folks in the world. This is crazy! and not thought out at all.
2. She only knows this guy for about 2 months at best. She says she trusts him to friends, but then runs circles when they question her about this choice. She told me she loved him when she got out of rehab...that was like only 3 weeks into knowing him...she even said she will probably marry him to me.
3. She isn't working towards any of the stuff she said she was going to...like getting her real estate license back and start getting ready to move to Miami...none of this is happening and she just sleeps all day and does nothing currently...which is what she did at her worst point with me when she was drunk all the time.
4. She is drinking...he is also an addict...two dead batteries don't start a car I'm told...and these flings usually don't end well or last long
5. She was talking to a girlfriend on the phone, and mid conversation about talking about the guy and what his deal is...she hangs up...texts that she can't say it in front of him, but that he has money, and that the family money may not be hers
6. She also was confronted about leaving the rehab place too early by everyone...she said there was nothing more they could do for her. Based on what the therapist said, and others telling me, it seems she wasn't very serious about rehab at all and instead focused on this guy. She never truly wanted to quit drinking and I could see the therapists saying...since you have that opinion still, then there isn't anymore we can do for you (they have to be ready to change themselves for help to make the change).
7. Her friend asked her how she doesn't think she has a problem, and said "if there wasn't someone nearby (the guy), I would probably think about it differently, or say something different." meaning she doesnt want to show him she has a real problem or admit it. They are supposedly "working on this" aka things aren't as smooth as they seem.
8. She isn't paying for any of her bills, which I still get at my house, and her condo is likely to foreclose according to her parents. She has huge IRS debt from when she made so much and we were going to do an offer and compromise but since this she isn't taking it very seriously. In fact, she blames her parents for getting the condo and actually all of her financial woes and her mom for even many of her life problems. Placing blame on others and then acting out of spite. I think I get squeezed in there too although I was a damn good man to her and always loving, understanding, and tried my best even in my hardest part of my life (this doctorate).
9. Turns out she cheated twice on me in her drunken stoopers...not that it justifies it, but I didn't know until very recently. I would have been willing to work on this through counseling and whatever it takes kind of mentality. But the drinking continued and still does. I wouldn't consider anything until sober if she ever calls me again.

She left me with 3 months until our life together really kicked off...I was to finish, we were going to move...and instead she leaves me...with no answers...our puppy, and a broken heart. She leaves me for a wealthier guy (although I come from a wealthy family, but I am a grad student and dont make much on my own currently, but that changes so soon! 3 months I will have a great new job after graduation), and it just seems like a quick fix for security. I don't doubt they may have connected on some stuff in rehab, but why she threw me away for another addict is beyond me. I have no addiction problems (well I smoke cigs occaissionally), and tried my hardest to help her through all of her drinking and detox and rehab while I am stressed out working harder than ever at school/work, and taking care of the dog. She literally just S*** on me and left.

How can people do this? I can barely handle the pain, because although the drinking occurred, we were very intimate all the way up to the end before this last rehab, and still talked so highly of our future together. Then poof gone.

I am so heart broken...and everyone else is left cleaning up her mess she left. Her mom is enabling this all by still supporting her financially by paying the 1st and 2nd mortgage on her condo, and this has all just gone way off the rails. There is too much to say and it doesn't make sense to a Biophysicist who looks for logic and reason (me).

Basically, has any one experienced such a thing, and what do or did you do? I am in no contact now, but eventually am hoping to speak to her or at least start with texts, but the last we spoke it was cold and unempathetic. So i figure, NC, then wait for emotions to cool. I want to get her back...but she has to be sober to see this clearer. She has literally gone off the rails...still drinking, and not facing life on life's terms. Everyone here loves her and wants to help her and support her, but instead gives us all the big middle finger. Does she just have too much to confront here? Hence run off with the next best thing? She is hiding everything about them two from everyone. Only small snippets get leaked out when shes somewhat sober on the phone to friends and family, who then tell me about it.

I am just so lost...just a few weeks ago this was my beautiful bride to be. Now she seems like a gold digger and cares not even one inch about me....even when she was having the drinking issues we didn't fight overly much...I mean I would get frustrated, but never did anything terrible...She said I called her a b**** once (I did) and apologized within two hours in a very honest way, and I basically said she was a b**** and when she was drunk at least she wasn't mean (during one month of sobriety, she was very pushy with me). She also said I told her there are easier women out there than her...I then told her I said that while you were drunk and you forgot the rest of it...that there are easier people out there who would see their drinking issues and address it. It wasn't about her personally! She is distorting everything to make sure it fits her current bad choices...and everyone calls her on it...she either hangs up or laughs about it. She makes me out to be the bad guy now, when she used to adore me even up to the end.

One thing is for sure...I am alone and have no clue if she will ever come back to me...it kills me inside. I can write more but for the sake of length....please just type some comments on your thoughts about what is here. Please let me know what you think I should do!? How should I handle this!? Should I talk to her...? Or just wait, and potentially never see her again? She said she would never do this (cheat and leave, because my previous ex cheated on me) to me and then it happened! I don't know what to think or do? Any thoughts?

I do know at this point, her mother is trying to talk to her. Although we have confirmed she is still drinking, there is no guarantee that she is drinking as heavily...but I guess that just means it may be a matter of time until she does drink as heavy again, or worse.

Can 30 day programs be enough for someone to make such a change, or is it more likely she didn't take it seriously and just said what she wanted to get what she wanted. She "took the heat off" by going to this with all of us involved...decides she isn't staying saying "there wasn't any more they could do for me" and then just runs away, and worst of all with another addict.

I am not talking or contacting her. It has been 10 days since she tried to reach out to me last, and I don't know if I will ever hear from her again. Should I expect to hear from her? Another key issue is this likely the behavior of a narcissist? She may have been developing into one and I just didn't see it. But it is hard to say since alcohol played such a large role over the past year. Also, I did do so many things to try to help her to stop, even things she didn't agree with at points (like call and tell her parents and friends, I even cut up a credit card in hopes that she would just stop and realize the severity). Was this white knight behavior? I was no yes man to her, I would clearly state my opinions and take actions even if they conflicted with hers. I don't know how something so good could turn so bad. Is she just in denial about her true problems here, they must run deeper than the alcohol? I don't know if I drove her to drink more by babysitting at points in time.

Any similar stories, and how you handled it would be helpful, PLEASE!
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Old 10-16-2017, 09:07 AM
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Hi, Goodguy Joel.
Welcome to SR.
Sorry for your situation, but glad you found us.
Sadly, your situation isn’t all that uncommon round here.
Take the time you need to grieve the loss of the relationship and the life you had hoped to have.
It may not seem so now, but it truly is best that she is out of your life.
Living with an addict is a fresh hell every day.
If I may suggest, don’t look for rationality and logical thinking from someone who is alcohol (and maybe something else? Kinda sounds it) addicted.
That way lies madness.
Good luck and good thoughts.
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Old 10-16-2017, 09:13 AM
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You'll hear from her again, I expect.
She's using and no doubt he is too, so things will spiral downwards at some point
and it is quite likely she'll look for a soft landing.

I'm so sorry this happened to you but frankly you dodged a bullet here.
It hurts, but best to stay strong and no contact.
Maybe even change your number so you aren't tempted.

You'll heal much quicker this way and won't have expectations or disappointments.

She isn't doing better with a "richer" guy.
She cheated with another addict and they are both using together.
You deserve more.
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Old 10-16-2017, 09:20 AM
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I am truly feeling for you. I can't imagine the pain you are experiencing. You have a lot of hurdles to work through not just drinking.

She is not in a mindset or emotional state to receive the goodness you are showing. You won't get the answers you need because SHE is not working on her own issues. She is avoiding emotions and problems and running from one resource to the next. The guy is on that list of resources.

You made a long post and there is nothing written about her concern or empathy FOR YOU. Is this love?

You are surprised by finding things out because she is lying to you e.g courting someone from rehab for a month or two and then bringing with to your place. How cruel. For that one month or so she didnt let you know what going on internally. she knows you have strong feelings for her.

There is more than drinking problem here.
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Old 10-16-2017, 09:26 AM
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This is addiction, my friend. It's bigger than you or her or your relationship. Trying to unravel it will keep you hooked into the situation and you will never get satisfactory answers. Sending strength and courage to let go of this toxicity and take care of yourself.
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Old 10-16-2017, 09:56 AM
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Hello and welcome. I would suggest you do lots of reading on the sites. I see one common thread to what you have said. She is an addict, and you expect her to be reasonable. She is unresponsible and selfish. Such is addiction. She blames everyone else. Such is addiction. She is hurting you, such is addiction.

I know you care for the person you think she could be, but that is not who she is. She is an addict with huge debt, no responsibility, cannot even hold down a job. She has cheated on you, and left you for a man who she hopes she can get to his money. I ask, is this really a person you should be with.

I encourage you to attend Alanon or Celebrate Recovery, or get a therapist, or both. You deserve better than this. This is who she is. Work on yourself so you can see through this and see that you deserve so much more.

I am sorry for what brings you here, but glad you are here.
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Old 10-16-2017, 10:14 AM
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I’m so sorry.

As others said, this is addiction. She’s gone and the addiction has taken over and it’s as simple and heart-crushing as that.

You sound like a good guy. There will someday be someone in your lifewho won’t be a slave to addiction who will appreciate you and be a true partner. It will just take a lot of time to heal.

Advanced addicts are hurricanes. They destroy everything in their path. I know it’s impossible to see it now but her leaving you is the best thing for you.

As for all her “reasons”...they aren’t. They’re rationalizations and excuses for her to seek the shortest path to gratifying her addiction.

Getting in-person help to understanding how this has affected your own role in relationships is crucial. We come out of these distorted as to how much we should give others and how much we should expect from them and it’s too easy to fall into the same nightmare again.

Sending you a hug.
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Old 10-16-2017, 10:28 AM
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Goodguy......you asked if anyone had been in a similar situation, and asked what did we do....Well....I did make a post, to you, about my similar situation, and what the outcome was.....It was in your other thread....please, go back and read it, again.....My world had imploded, just like yours....

In the meantime, I am giving you the link to our l ibrary of excellent articles on alcoholism and the effects on the loved ones....dozens and dozens of excellent articles...In fact, you won't find a better collection of such articles anywhere....
I hope that you will take the time to read them....there is so much to know.

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...c-reading.html (Classic Reading)
Knowledge is power.
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Old 10-16-2017, 10:40 AM
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I know its hard letting go of a relationship that you did not want to let go of
What have you done for YOU since you first posted this story a month ago?

Have you looked into al-anon, counseling, read up on alcoholism/addiction and typical addict behaviors?

What has changed for you since you last posted?
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Old 10-16-2017, 10:55 AM
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Goodguy...My friend, you never really knew her. (an alcoholic, who is using, doesn't even know themselves). You saw only the parts that she showed you, or the parts that you wanted to see.....the parts that fit in with your plans and dreams.
Based on what you share...I can practically guarantee that she brought a lifetime of issues with her...most likely from her early years.....(that is where most all of our serious issues begin, in one way or another).......
Even if she ever does decide to seriously work on herself, it will take years...and, you can't help her with that....

Who knows what your issues are? How much insight into our own self do you have.....Please don't think I am just trying to be snarky, here....because those are question that each and every one of us would do well to ask ourselves.....
It is a great irony, I think that, it is in the times of crisis or great turmoil and pain. that, we gain the greatest insight, and the most personal progress and development can be made. lol...I think of it as knowledge by fire...but, I can tell you from experience, that those are the lessons that we never forget....

by human nature, I am pretty sure that you are not so concerned about personal insight or philosophical riffs....you just, probably, want her back, and are looking for any shred of hope that this is going to happen....
Aah, I know it well...lol...

I feel obligated to tell you that you are going to be grieving for a while....it will probably take you a year, or so, to begin to look forward, more than backward...
if you don't keep up reinvesting...
But, you will heal, in increments, over enough time....and the sun will come out again....Life is always pushing forward....and change is always in motion....
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Old 10-16-2017, 11:37 AM
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Goodguy....your post reminds me of a song, that is playing in my head (an ear wig).....it is by
Steve Miller, and the main message is about change and the forward movement of life....
Actually, the song is not about a specific relationship crash and burn...it has a more overarching theme...but, I thought you might enjoy hearing it...
.....lol...I realize that this is music before you time....
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Old 10-16-2017, 11:47 AM
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Hello all,

Thank you for all your outpouring. I do appreciate it, although I am not seeking sympathy. I did previously post this topic about a month ago, and at that point all the details were not clear, hence I started a new thread with the full story (well at least most of it). I know it may seem like I am just being a crybaby, but for a well grounded person with a solid head on their shoulders (or at least I have been told), this is truly outrageous and hard for me to fathom or comprehend.

I have digested numerous books, read numerous websites, and scientific journals since regarding the topic of alcoholism. I have attended Al Anon now 4 times, and have told my story. I read up on a variety of traits that she has displayed to also try to understand such a personality. However, all the reading, all the "understanding" still leaves me cold, confused, and quite frankly, mentally damaged goods.

What I have been doing for me since is I have started to reach out to old friends, and started to make some new friends. I even have a new best guy friend that relates to some degree with my situation, but when we hang out, we try to keep things fun unless one or the other needs to talk. It's nice having an unbiased friend who knows little compared to family members who will just trash my ex. I have been working out regularly, walking the sweet little puppy, and have even been training him to be off leash! I am still working hard at my doctorate, and although this put a large hiccup in my efforts with that, I am not deterred and should be able to finish on time. I started to listen to music I let go of a while ago, and had a great conversation with a girl until 2am regarding that music. I am on a few dating sites, but am hardly serious about it. I know I am not even close to ready for that (nor do I want to be intimate at this point...at all), but just companionship and knowing that there are people out there that can relate to my favorite interests leaves me with a good feeling.

I know this sounds like a joke, but the crippling depression from this occurrence still haunts me regularly, and crashing hard into sadness is still very regular. Try as I might to take my mind off of things, the ideas of her always come back. Some good, some bad. And unfortunately, the thought of her with this guy really bothers me still.

The questions I posed to you all here are because I don't know what to expect going forward, and will reiterate to try to focus the conversation (including a few others I forgot to mention):
1. This is addiction right? This isn't just situational drinking? Her friends indicate that this was going on before me, and it just went away for a bit when things were better thanks to me.
2. From my description, and what I know, she is still drinking. I assume this means she hasn't hit rock bottom?
3. This rehab romance; how likely is it to fail?
4. Should I expect her to eventually reach out to me? Even in her potential alcoholic haze, do you think she will think of me?
5. So this does sound like much deeper issues than just alcoholism to you all?
6. How far does it sound like I took the White Knight behavior? I can rule plenty of it out, but it does seem like I have elements of it. Also, I was not the only one to try to intervene and prop her up when she was down (aka drinking)...family friends etc also did.
7. Any other similar experiences as mine (thanks dandelion, I did appreciate your story and took it to heart very deeply, do not feel neglected, but it can't be just you and me i'm sure)?

Please feel free to respond, or make comments that you may believe will be constructive or useful. I do appreciate all the comments thus far, and it seems that although I question the good/bad ratio of people out there, you all represent the good. So, thank you to each of you for taking the time to help a person who at the moment is in a tough spot.
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Old 10-16-2017, 12:09 PM
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Hi Joel

A fellow list maker - lol

My honest thoughts for you to digest....

How are the questions related to YOUR recovery. They all about your ex and her state of mind and her comings and goings even down to what she discusses with her friends when you not there.

And all the minute details about what happened. Adding more and more details doesn't change your position or hers in this. It still is what it is.

Some of the questions have already been answered. Are you taking in the information thoroughly or glancing over them.

I believe you want to "logic" your way out of your feelings or trying to rationalise her behavior to make it okay. You cant because its addiction.

And from what you said I think there is more than addiction - she cheated on you - alcohol doesn't create cheaters from non cheaters - they enhance what's already there - to a point.

You say you have been working on yourself and know abit about addiction but there seems to be rumination (repeating) which is not a sign of growth. Its a sign of stagnation. You can't fix what you don't accept.

She is giving you so many signs in the present that she is not a good partner and you are living in what was and what could've been.

I am not judging - I have been there. Please open your eyes and let go so you can start healing. You are hurting yourself. Its super hard . you cannot die from heartache you just feel super super crappy. But it won't be forever. Promise.
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Old 10-16-2017, 12:10 PM
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CORRECTION....I meant to say that the song is by Steve Miller.
Although I love Gary Wright, also...especially his song..."Dream Weaver"
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Old 10-16-2017, 12:29 PM
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Originally Posted by GoodguyJoel View Post
7. Any other similar experiences as mine (thanks dandelion, I did appreciate your story and took it to heart very deeply, do not feel neglected, but it can't be just you and me i'm sure)?
GGJ, have you had a chance to read around the forum in the past month? I see so many posts similar to your request here, where newcomers ask people to share their experiences on the newcomer's thread. As you see, many folks can and will do that, but there is no need for you to wait for the mountain to come to you; you can go to the mountain. There are tons of shared experiences on this forum just waiting to be read by motivated members. Many of the questions on your list can be answered simply by reading what has already been posted here--but that does take more time and effort...

Read the stickies. Read the forum at large. Post in other folks' threads--you have what, 7 posts in a month? Go offer somebody else some support, even if all it is is to wish them well. Don't know if you've been to Alanon, but one of their sayings about the program is "it works if you work it", and that goes for SR too. It's an ACTIVE resource for information, inspiration, and support for YOU, the person whose life has been affected by someone else's drinking. The more actively you take part in the SR community, the greater the healing you can expect, at least IMHO and IME.

You've spent an awful lot of time and energy worrying about your A, what makes her tick, how likely is it that she will get better, etc. Spend some of that time and energy on YOU, asking similar questions, and I think you'll get a better return on your effort.

Wishing you strength and clarity, GGJ.
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Old 10-16-2017, 12:37 PM
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I also encourage you to look at you. What can you do to look after yourself and move on. Obsessing about the A isn't going to help you.
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Old 10-16-2017, 12:38 PM
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Please do forgive me if I have acted or seemed so self centered in this matter. I do appreciate you being honest, and will definitely start to interact more on this site. I know it isn't all about me, but even just the reminders that my concerns have little to do with me is eye opening. I do enjoy and profoundly agree with helping others, and you mentioned even just giving support in a small note. That I can do, but I am in no place of abundance at this moment, so I just ask that you bear with me. Thank you again for the replies. Keep them coming!

I also have read some of the sticky's, but not all by any means. I will concentrate on this as well. Also, thank you for the song recommendation Dandylion, I am very familiar with this song
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Old 10-16-2017, 12:52 PM
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You can to the right place!

We've been there. We understand. We know whats to come, we are learning with you. We want to help.

Of course I can't speak for everyone I've been here very short while but that is what I have experienced so far.

Keep us updated.
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Old 10-16-2017, 12:52 PM
  # 19 (permalink)  
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
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Joel, there are lots of people who just come here to read and soak it all in, and that is absolutely ok. We are here to support you!!!
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Old 10-16-2017, 12:53 PM
  # 20 (permalink)  
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Goodguy.....My friend, I think you are in the stage that I call "free bleeding" stage of grieving a loss...and, I know that the loss goes very, very deep.
I am not criticizing you for ruminating about the details...because that is a normal part of processing what has happened...OMG..I did that so much for several months....
So many stages to grief....so many emotions, and they all come to us in a kind of kalidescope form....
Yes, I can see that one of you defense mechanisms is intellectualization....not a bad thing, in itself...we all have to have defense mechanisms to protect ourselves from overwhelming emotional pain.

You keep mentioning the White Knight thing....I assume you are talking about the rescuer role. Don't try to put it all down to that....not ALL of it...though there can be that part in co-dependency....
Being as you are in biophysics and you have acknowledged a certain style of relating...all logic and intellectualization...order......

I can imagine that you could represent that which is solid...stable...predictable....and, especially, a person who would never leave them.
And, I imagine that makes you a sort of sitting duck for women who don't have their "stuff" together....that their radar picks up, even across a crowded room. That might be the hook of initial attraction, for them. (google IMAGO theory)...
And, of course, you have your hooks...possibly, in the other direction. lol...kind of like Arthur Miller and Marilyn Monroe....

I know that you are not looking for "sympathy".....you are looking for validation and sharing from other humans...and, I consider that to be a normal and healthy thing....

Your other questions....
Yes, I think the rehab romance will fail. And, yes, if she doesn't decide , at some point to face her problems..of which, alcoholism seems to be one of them, her life will get progressively worse.
It is possible that she will reach out to you in the future. That happens, lots of times. So, you need to be able to see it for what it is....looking for some shelter from her storm (about her needs--not yours!)....

It is a painful fact of life, that, we can be attracted to, and, invest our selves into that which is not really in our own best interest....
We are human....
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