antabuse working good except Well it's been nearly a week and my husband has been sober. He is extremely irritable and I think I found a weakness in the breathalyzer approach. His eyes were blood shot red last night and I think he had been smoking pot or another drug. He was acting very strange. His work does random drug tests so this could be the same BS. But technically, he hasn't drank so I can't kick him our as it was agreed upon. |
Yep, just changing their drug of choice. Sorry to read this maggies. |
Originally Posted by maggies
(Post 4573939)
But technically, he hasn't drank so I can't kick him our as it was agreed upon. While I am not in agreement with the method of antabuse and breathalyzer for recovery- you can home test for just about anything. Sorry it seems to continue but not surprised. |
red, the agreement was that if he blew numbers into the machine he would have to leave the house. He wasn't drinking. I'm tempted now to go buy a drug test but this is getting exhausting for me. |
maggies :hug: I'm just so sorry. I think many of us have tried to play private investigator, parole officer, and warden for the active alcoholics in our lives. It is exhausting... Sadly, my experience was that all of our (my husband's and mine) efforts made no difference in my stepson's drinking and drug use. Sending prayers for peace. |
I know you are not interested in AA but I think this fits...it is from chapter 5 in the Big Book of Alcoholics Aninymous. I am sorry for your struggle. Remember that we deal with alcohol—cunning, baffling, powerful! Without help it is too much for us. But there is One who has all power—that One is God. May you find Him now! Half measures availed us nothing. We stood at the turning point. We asked His protection and care with complete abandon. |
Yep. It is exhausting to be up in someone's business. I keep stopping myself. Twice today I just had to just shut my trap bc I was getting Codie on RAH. But the good news is I got him to agree to watch our dogs so I can go away and catch up with my college buddy next month! |
Originally Posted by maggies
(Post 4573953)
red, the agreement was that if he blew numbers into the machine he would have to leave the house. He wasn't drinking. I'm tempted now to go buy a drug test but this is getting exhausting for me. A's and addicts are the most cunning creatures on earth. They can outsmart, out test, out talk, they will find a way. They lie like nothing I have ever seen. I caught my RAH with a drink in hand, he was drunk, he reeked, was slurring his words. I grabbed the drink and tasted it. It was straight vodka, and STILL he said it wasn't and that he hadn't been drinking. It really makes one question one's own sanity. Its no way to live. |
Im missing something with the math I guess... He was drinking up until last Wednesday right? You have the right to set any boundaries you like. If you want him to leave because you believe he is under the influence of something other than alcohol, you do have the right to change your mind... I continue to be very concerned for you and your kids. |
It worries me because pot can stay in his system for weeks. One bad drug or alcohol test and he is fired from his good paying job. I was thinking of getting a drug test kit for my son who was caught using pot in school. I guess I could use it on my hubby and son. |
I'm so sorry. With mine, it was always something. Always. It almost destroyed me. I've never cried so much in my life. Prayers and hugs for all of you. |
If he gets fired from his good paying job...those are the consequences for HIS actions. Hitting bottom is like a country song in some ways. I lost my job my wife and my dog an my truck.... They need a see the reason to change for themselves. If he is prevented from living thru his consequences he has no reason to change. I started to learn about alcoholism and addiction by reading a series of books called "getting them sober". |
involved, the problem is that if he loses his job it effects the whole family. We have already re-mortgaged the house because of his absurd amount of legal fees due to the 5 DUI's and car wrecks. I feel like I am fighting a losing battle against Godzilla. He sleeping on the couch now and I suspect he is on pot and zanex. |
I feel like I am fighting a losing battle against Godzilla. Maggies...thats because you are. Sorry. |
It's not a losing battle, its simply a battle you can't fight. Only he can. I would suggest that you start making some plans to protect yourself and your children if you are concerned that his job is in jeopardy. |
Oh, maggies...I hate financial stress, and I had plenty with my ex-husband. He wasn't an alcoholic, but he was financially irresponsible, and even though I had a job of my own outside the home, I was not confident enough to talk to him about how much money he was spending and how much debt we were accumulating because of his spending habit (all musical and recording equipment). It really is a sickening feeling. I remember it well. Is there any way you might be able to get a part-time job while the kids are in school? There used to be a thread here that provided information about work-from-home opportunities for stay-at-home moms. If you are interested, I'll try to dig that up. |
Maggies.. He is a sinking ship... You gotta decide if your going down with the Captain, or grabbing the kids and getting into the life boat. Its a scarey thought to be in your own but you have shown How strong and determined you are. I was on my own with 3 littles until they were grown. Its not easy. Only you cant make someone else change. Only yourself. Where do you want to see yourself 5 years frim now? Look at your sleeping husband and ask yourself... Is he going to be the person to bring those goals home? Or is he going to hold them back. |
I have a real estate license and use to be somewhat successful. My husband use to smoke that legal pot but they outlawed it. The last week, things have been much better though without him guzzling gallons of beer a day. |
It makes no difference what substance he's using (abusing), he's not sober. One definition of sobriety is "well-balanced". Someone who is stoned hardly fits that definition. Substituting one substance for another is NOT sobriety. Maggies - have you tried ALANON? It might do you a world of good. They will tell you that you didn't cause it, you can't cure it and you can't control it. I'll be praying for you and your husband. |
Wow! I think it's great you have a real estate license :) I have no idea what's involved or if it expires, but could you work part time for a local realtor? It might be useful information to do a bit of research about the housing market in your area right now. If it's a strong market, it might be worth your financial peace-of-mind to explore that as a possibility. |
Time will tell what direction he will go. He has shown you the odds though. Maybe you could start the real estate thing up again! That is a great flexible job! It will take time ti build up but if you need it down the road your ready to take care of yourself! If things turn out for the better with your hubs well you have something just for you and a sence of freedom and independence! |
That legal pot?? K2 aka spice?? That is not pot! It's a very dangerous drug and it's addicting!! |
Sorry to hear your husband may have switched substances. I lived with the stress of my husband being one failed drug test away from being fired. It helped me to have a back up plan just in case the worst happened. It also helped me to learn all I could about addiction. The irritability is quite common when trying to quit. There were times the kids and I just did our own thing without Mr. Grouchypants. Is your husband motivated to keep his job? Mine was for quite a while. Unfortunately his addiction progressed though until he only cared about drinking. Hopefully this won't happen to you. |
It is quite sad that hubby has to sometimes rely on rides to and from work from his own teenage kids. My husband use to take a lot pride in his work as it is quite demanding and dangerous. But over the years that has slipped away. There is a lot of accepted drinking at his job but he crossed that line into unacceptable after a fist fight with a co-worker at a bar after work. |
It's a progressive disease for all those who live with it, including every family member. :( |
I'm so glad to hear you have a real estate license! So many people find themselves in poor circumstances having no formal work experience. This is just great news. Is your license current? My husband owned bars and restaurants. Familiar with drinking being part of the job :( |
red, yes it's current. But my hubby is still the main bread earner despite the struggle to stay upright every day. |
I'm sorry you are going through this. I just wanted to share my experience with the breathalyzer. I thought this thing would help - at least with me knowing for sure he was drinking. I knew of course but wanted proof. I also said if you show you have been drinking you are out. Well something that seemed so black and white wasn't for him...he'd say "it must be the cough syrup I took" "it's broken," etc.. So ridiculous. I did make him leave after he came home and showed alcohol in his system. That was two and a half months ago and I am so much healthier, so are my children. It gets better every day. The only time I'd use it now is if he wanted to drive my children. It became so unhealthy and exhausting for me to try to control his drinking. Thank goodness I found the support and education here to realize I couldn't ever really control it. I wish you the best. Please take care of yourself. |
Maggie, I often feel out of control and in a losing battle with XAH's drinking and pot-smoking. My children are affected by it even if they aren't as aware of what the issue is as I am. Unfortunately, my heightened awareness comes with heightened fear and anxiety and I find that the ONE thing that I can control is ME. I know that the impact XAH's choices have on me is minimized when I work on strengthening MYSELF. For me this has meant: 1. securing employment 2. stashing away an emergency fund 3. getting the children and me involved in things that did not involve or include XAH; making sure that I had friends separately from him who were loyal to me, even if I didn't tell them everything. 4. Keeping my professional license active 5. Exercising for physical strength and mental clarity 6. finding joy where I could so that I had good thoughts to compete with my anxiety. Making yourself stronger doesn't mean loving or supporting him any less. It just helps YOU cope with a long-term stressful situation. |
Hi Maggies, I just wanted to send you some hugs and tell you that I'm glad you are continuing to post here on SR. It is VERY exhausting to deal with the situation you are in. It takes up so much time, energy and effort. Please remember to also take care of yourself too. So many times we get so wrapped up in our loved ones issues, we end up forgetting up our own needs and our own well-being. I hope things get better for you and your family. Hugs |
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