maggies

Well it's been nearly a week and my husband has been sober. He is extremely irritable and I think I found a weakness in the breathalyzer approach. His eyes were blood shot red last night and I think he had been smoking pot or another drug. He was acting very strange. His work does random drug tests so this could be the same BS. But technically, he hasn't drank so I can't kick him our as it was agreed upon.

LoveMeNow

Yep, just changing their drug of choice. Sorry to read this maggies.

redatlanta

Says who?

While I am not in agreement with the method of antabuse and breathalyzer for recovery- you can home test for just about anything.

Sorry it seems to continue but not surprised.

maggies

red, the agreement was that if he blew numbers into the machine he would have to leave the house. He wasn't drinking.
I'm tempted now to go buy a drug test but this is getting exhausting for me.

Seren

maggies

I'm just so sorry. I think many of us have tried to play private investigator, parole officer, and warden for the active alcoholics in our lives. It is exhausting...

Sadly, my experience was that all of our (my husband's and mine) efforts made no difference in my stepson's drinking and drug use.

Sending prayers for peace.

involved

I know you are not interested in AA but I think this fits...it is from chapter 5 in the Big Book of Alcoholics Aninymous. I am sorry for your struggle.

Remember that we deal with alcohol—cunning, baffling, powerful! Without help it is too much for us. But there is One who has all power—that One is God. May you find Him now!

Half measures availed us nothing. We stood at the turning point. We asked His protection and care with complete abandon.

CodeJob

Yep. It is exhausting to be up in someone's business. I keep stopping myself. Twice today I just had to just shut my trap bc I was getting Codie on RAH.

But the good news is I got him to agree to watch our dogs so I can go away and catch up with my college buddy next month!

redatlanta

Everything about living with an active A is exhausting. I feel for you Maggies.

A's and addicts are the most cunning creatures on earth. They can outsmart, out test, out talk, they will find a way. They lie like nothing I have ever seen. I caught my RAH with a drink in hand, he was drunk, he reeked, was slurring his words. I grabbed the drink and tasted it. It was straight vodka, and STILL he said it wasn't and that he hadn't been drinking. It really makes one question one's own sanity.

Its no way to live.

wanttobehealthy

Im missing something with the math I guess... He was drinking up until last Wednesday right?

You have the right to set any boundaries you like.

If you want him to leave because you believe he is under the influence of something other than alcohol, you do have the right to change your mind...

I continue to be very concerned for you and your kids.

maggies

It worries me because pot can stay in his system for weeks. One bad drug or alcohol test and he is fired from his good paying job. I was thinking of getting a drug test kit for my son who was caught using pot in school. I guess I could use it on my hubby and son.

BunnyNest

I'm so sorry. With mine, it was always something. Always. It almost destroyed me. I've never cried so much in my life.

Prayers and hugs for all of you.

involved

If he gets fired from his good paying job...those are the consequences for HIS actions. Hitting bottom is like a country song in some ways. I lost my job my wife and my dog an my truck.... They need a see the reason to change for themselves. If he is prevented from living thru his consequences he has no reason to change. I started to learn about alcoholism and addiction by reading a series of books called "getting them sober".

maggies

involved, the problem is that if he loses his job it effects the whole family. We have already re-mortgaged the house because of his absurd amount of legal fees due to the 5 DUI's and car wrecks. I feel like I am fighting a losing battle against Godzilla. He sleeping on the couch now and I suspect he is on pot and zanex.

involved

I feel like I am fighting a losing battle against Godzilla.

Maggies...thats because you are.
Sorry.

redatlanta

It's not a losing battle, its simply a battle you can't fight. Only he can.

I would suggest that you start making some plans to protect yourself and your children if you are concerned that his job is in jeopardy.

Seren

Oh, maggies...I hate financial stress, and I had plenty with my ex-husband. He wasn't an alcoholic, but he was financially irresponsible, and even though I had a job of my own outside the home, I was not confident enough to talk to him about how much money he was spending and how much debt we were accumulating because of his spending habit (all musical and recording equipment).

It really is a sickening feeling. I remember it well.

Is there any way you might be able to get a part-time job while the kids are in school? There used to be a thread here that provided information about work-from-home opportunities for stay-at-home moms. If you are interested, I'll try to dig that up.

involved

Maggies.. He is a sinking ship... You gotta decide if your going down with the Captain, or grabbing the kids and getting into the life boat. Its a scarey thought to be in your own but you have shown How strong and determined you are. I was on my own with 3 littles until they were grown. Its not easy. Only you cant make someone else change. Only yourself. Where do you want to see yourself 5 years frim now? Look at your sleeping husband and ask yourself... Is he going to be the person to bring those goals home? Or is he going to hold them back.

maggies

I have a real estate license and use to be somewhat successful. My husband use to smoke that legal pot but they outlawed it. The last week, things have been much better though without him guzzling gallons of beer a day.

Ratdog

It makes no difference what substance he's using (abusing), he's not sober. One definition of sobriety is "well-balanced". Someone who is stoned hardly fits that definition. Substituting one substance for another is NOT sobriety.

Maggies - have you tried ALANON? It might do you a world of good. They will tell you that you didn't cause it, you can't cure it and you can't control it.

I'll be praying for you and your husband.

Seren

Wow! I think it's great you have a real estate license I have no idea what's involved or if it expires, but could you work part time for a local realtor? It might be useful information to do a bit of research about the housing market in your area right now. If it's a strong market, it might be worth your financial peace-of-mind to explore that as a possibility.