Dear KKE, I am soooo sorry to have to say this to you----but, I feel that I must---someone has to for YOUR sake. He will not change as a result of this crisis. You can expect the same thing whenever the next crisis in life occurs. That is how an alcoholic or addict handles all intense emotions. Just when you need them the most--that is when they run to the bottle and feel sorry for themselves.

This forum is replete with tragic stories of those who thought it would get better---until their lives became completely unmanageable and they came here for help.

This miscarriage is (sadly) just a convenient excuse for him to drink---and draw the attention toward himself.

Again, I am sorry to be the buzzkill.....but, hon, you need to know the truth about the reality of alcoholism.

Thinking of you at this difficult time--with much empathy,

dandylion

Nope, and that is so sad, but typical.
He can think of nothing else but drunk. It is all he has on his mind.
I am so very sorry KKE.
This is trying to get bread from the hardware store.

Geez, I thought I posted this awhile ago.

Beth

Yes! I know they are sausages, but not his sausages on the grill?
LOL

This was very true about my ex too, like it scared him somehow. If I were sick, it was less attention for him. Like a big baby. King Baby.
dammit.

Also, this is when I came to a realization too, I was on my own emotionally.
But, since I was used to it and drinking myself to make it go away, it did not hurt right away, sort of a slow simmer, until I got sober and had to deal with it.

Be good to yourself KKE.
I had to take a few minutes this afternoon, some peace and quiet with a yogurt and my dog.
It helps alot.

And, of course all my friends here.
:)

Beth

How are you feeling now KKE?

Yeah, I'm ok. Just reflecting on what people are saying and their personal stories. I appreciate the honesty and openness.

Just thinking...... If alcoholics are always alcoholics, at what point can we be happy with them? What do they have to do? Is it possible to be happy with a recovering alcoholic? Just questions coming into my head.

So sorry you're going through this.
Thoughts are with you.
Hugs.

I'm sorry you are miscarrying.

Mine used to do this every Saturday and Sunday - he would go to the supermarket at probably 1.00pm and get home at 4-5pm. Sometimes he'd return with food, sometimes he didn't. He'd always return off his face drunk.

I hope there is something here that is hopeful or useful
 

The alcoholic I was married to did not stop drinking for more than two weeks after six weeks in-patient treatment.

I have been in recovery since August 18 1996, I would say I have been working on getting "better" in many ways since that day. I started very early, age 16, so I was 36 years old with the maturity of an emotionally stunted teenager.

I think I would be a good partner, make someone happy, partly because of the journey I have been on, but I would not wish on anyone.
I wonder if the partner I have in the future will be in recovery and if he were what would my requirements be?
I think many years sober. Enough to grow up at least. :) Not all the way, having fun is good, and I did not have any fun as a teen or young adult.
How would I make someone happy? Staying in recovery, learning every day about my partner and trying to make him smile as he tries to make me smile.
Being a good friend.
Someone I could trust with a secret and trust they will not hurt me with it.
I read that somewhere and paraphrased, but I love that.
Love and trust. Together.
I could never be happy with someone who actively used drugs and/or alcohol.
I would not necessarily go back to drinking, but I am sure the bad old behaviors would come back.

So, could I be happy with someone who is in recovery from alcohol?
Most certainly yes, if he is solid in recovery (my decision and guidelines) and wants to be good friends.
A plus if he can cook on the grill and enjoys the outdoors.
:)

Did you get dinner yet KKE?
Feeling okay?
I have been thinking about you today!
(no cook out though, could not convince my son to go to the store)

Beth

PS I just realized that I probably did not answer the question you asked about being happy with a recovering alcoholic.
wow, so much damage was done in my first marriage, and we were both so immature and broken, I do not think we would have been happy together. We met each other in a bar. There ya go.

He would have to do a lot of the hard work of recovery, and I would be there for that. As long as he is sober I would work with that, but for me, I would not waste one minute on another relapser.
It is a certain heartbreak, and I am done with certain heartbreak.
I want solid, dependable, reliable.
Active addicts are incapable of loving others, I was one. I convinced myself I hurt no one but myself, and I had children.
That is how blind and drunk I was.
Hurting no one. Good god.

If you have any more questions to me the alcoholic (I do not mind, it is a part of who I am, but not all of me) I will be honest with you.
Part of my work to get better. :)

I'm feeling exhausted today. I think things might be progressing so hopefully it will start within the next couple of days..... I will let you know how I get on.

Hey KKE- just wanted to send some hugs your way :hug:

Hi KKE, I am new to this arena. I want to thank you for sharing what has been happening in your world lately. I am also very sorry to hear about your baby. I cannot imagine how hard this news was and then having the additional challenges of your guy. You have lots of support here KKE!

KKE My very best wishes...surround yourself with love...people need to know what is going on with you, not about him, but your health.

Big hugs to you, (((KKE))).

Late in coming to this thread-- -heartbroken for you and so sorry that at this difficult and sad time for you, your AH has made it entirely about him and made it even harder....

Sending love your way...

Hugs for you today KKE, and thinking good thoughts for you.

Beth

Prayers and hugs coming your way KKE.

Thanks for all your posts. Means a lot.

Physically, I thought something might happen tonight but it keeps stopping and starting...... Always thought a miscarraige at 12 weeks would a bit more, I dunno, dramatic?

Emotionally I feel exhausted. So so tired but can't sleep. My partner apologised to me today for being selfish. Always nice to hear an apology I guess. Don't know what apologies are worth but hey.

You know what? I could actually do with a drink right now, maybe ten!

If anything gets dramatic (it did for me, lost a lot of blood fast) quick fast to the emergency room, no questions.
I hope your boyfriend is staying sober as long as he is apologetic.
I am giving just cyber hugs and huge cuppas from over here,
but I am giving it all I got.
(((((KKE)))))

Warmly and praying for you,

Beth

Hello KKE, Thinking of you and hoping for an easy as possible recovery.


5 Lessons from Hitting Rock Bottom

(Ha! the link did work! marvelous!)

I was just skimming my email account and came across this post (in the link above) about being rock bottom emotionally.
This post was amazing in its hopeful outlook on how terrible things can change us for the better.
It says it so much better than I can.

It starts with a quote from Viktor Frankl (a true hero, a survivor)

“When we can no longer change a situation,
we are challenged to change ourselves.”
~ Viktor Frankl

I hope you get something from this article on rising from the ashes.

Beth

Miscarraige started today. Partner has stayed sober today (so no BBQ's!).

See what tomorrow brings.

Thanks for all the support.

I've quietly been following along on this post. My love and support still goes out to you.