To All Alcoholics
 

What we want.

We want the side of you that is strong, eyes clear, grounded, healthy, humorous, balanced, beautiful.
We know this side of you, we've seen it.
We love you.
We don't wish ill on you. We react, we scream, we try to control, we sabotage in our ways, we fight fight fight...for you, and our relationship with you.
We're hurt. We're in pain because it hurts to see you destroying yourself. We hurt because you neglect us, but it isn't as selfish as it may seem sometimes.
We're sad often...very often...watching you passed out. You look so beaten, so worn-down.
We want you to care for yourself. We want you to care about not losing the life, loves, jobs, and people that love you.
It's not always about us. Sometimes we simply cry just for you. We remember you at your best when you are ON...healthy in your own skin...we miss that, and we adore you when you shine, balanced, sober, and you just being you when you're healthy.
Sometimes on this forum, it may appear we only want to attack you, belittle you, lash out in our pain, or lift ourselves up above you.
But that's not what is underneath it all...underneath it all is our love for you...and yes, our pain.

Wow. Every one of those thoughts has been through my mind.

Awesome
 

How completely true

Change "We" to "I" and...
 

...you're on to something.

Thanks for sharing.

Cyranoak

It's heartbreaking, isn't it?

One of my last messages to the axbf was "I just wanted something better for you than this"

But as we all know, it doesn't matter (to them) what we want.... it's all about feeding the addiction and only they can make the choice to stop hurting themselves.

Yup. I've been divorced for two years, I've moved on, I'm not looking back, and that still made me tear up.

if only it mattered...

that was beautifully written, madeofglass. thanks for sharing so eloquently what it is we all want for our loves.

Thank you Made of Glass - that is just I needed to read!

I have watched that "light" disappear in several people that I cared about due to the disease of alcoholism & addiction ~
some are still in my life, some are not
either way -

I still wish for their hearts, souls and sanity - the light of life, love and recovery would shine in them again ~

thank you for sharing this!

PINK HUGS,
Rita

MadeofGlass
That is so thoughtful and thought provoking
Thank you taking the time to share that with us

And you know deep down even in my drinking days I knew the one I love just wanted to see all those things for me.

I am being sober for me but there is a piece of my sobriety that is there and created by the love from my husband and my gift to him is to give him back the woman he married

Once again thank you so much for sharing this - it was wonderful to read

Just heartbreaking. Exactly how I felt about my beloved husband many years ago.

Thank you for this.

beautiful. Thank you! Makes me really sad right now...

Goodness, how beautiful and how true.

You guys want me to make it a "sticky"?

Mike :)
Moderator, SR

I vote "sticky"

I vote sticky.

BothSidesNow

i definitely vote "yes" for making this a sticky. :)

MadeOfGlass,

That broke my heart. Thank you from an alcoholic.

Done stickied under "Classic Reading"

Mike :)

Oh so true! I felt/feel this was about my EXABF! Brought tears to my eyes!

Wow, thanks for all the great replies. I didn't know if this would be well accepted or ...not liked because this thread DOES focus on the alcoholic, or at least how I, and apparently many of you, feel too about the alcoholic., instead of us.

Yes, Cyranoak, you are right as usual, you insightful realist...called me out on it.
I have this fantasy. Yes, yes, I know, these fantasies about the alcoholic are just setting myself up.
The fantasy is that the alcoholic in my life would one day somehow wander over to these boards, and actually read things here.
He doesn't know about this forum or handle, and that's ok. I can have my fantasy anyway.

Thank you. This made me cry. It is exactly how how I feel about my wife. I just posted my story on here, and I felt like I only posted the bad stuff. But there was so much good too.

How very poignant and yet so very true x

Truer words were never spoken.

Well if they are going to make it a sticky, everybody contribute! This is not my thread, it is OUR thread.

I think this should go in one of the alcoholic forums as well. We need to hear this.

Can I be contrarian about this?

But eventually, underneath it all is a wish for myself to get away from the source of pain. What keeps me here is hope and loyalty, but with your drinking came the loss of "the life, loves, jobs, and people that love you," and I have lost these things too.

I am not at all nostalgic about this struggle. This is a hellish ride.

I absolutely love this!!!

wow... you just put my thoughts into words.
Thats the most amazing thing i have ever read!
It brings tears to my eyes.

That does happen in many cases...and I am keeping no contact myself. What we want...vs what we get. We hold out with hope as long as we can. Eventually some of us have to make the decision to distance ourselves. I still have hope, but I can't stop living, so onward I go, albeit sometimes reluctantly, kicking and screaming.
It also is too painful to watch sometimes, even when they are passed out, as I mentioned in the original post, seemingly not affecting us at all in that state.

As if that was the only way he could find peace...temporarily obliterating his own mind.

Yes, the cost to us too is great. I'm still white-knuckling my addiction to him, call it love or not...even with no contact.