The good news is that can start this very instant if you just block his numbers.

This thread reminds me of my favorite Dr. Suess Quote.

“Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple.”
― Dr. Seuss

I used to read it all the time when I first joined SR. It is so very true! I still put it as my facebook status from time to time.

Amen Thumper! I just had this epiphany this past week. Whew. Feels good, feels like I just handed a crying baby back to its mother. lol. No thanks... here ya go... you can take your baby back. I gave the crazy train back to my ex with no contact and have been smiling all week.

I remember when I had to go no contact with an xabf that was way worse than your guy (and I dated that a** for 3.5 years!). But I was determined to get out of that hell hole once and for all. I remember that for about 6 weeks I was just kind of numb, or like I had severed a limb...I was in a LOT of pain....but I was determined. This guy was the type who would just step up the emails/phone calls/surprise visits at the door and it was HARD to delete w/o reading and delete voicemails w/o hearing....'cause there were TONS of them. But I did it. And I kept doing it....for TWO more years. Yep, you read that right, he kept trying to mess with my head for two more years. It really only took about 2-3 months for me to make it through that "tunnel of pain" once I learned the secret beauty of No Contact. It felt real, real good to be in control of my own life once again AND it gave me the satisfaction of the 'last word'....which was no word at all. It drove him crazy!! Every time I deleted an email or a voicemail it made me a little stronger....it fed that part of me that was struggling to be re-born, to be free.

All of that is the reason I am such a firm believer in No Contact.... I know from experience that it's very hard to do *at first*, but it is by far the quickest route to serenity.

I sure wish I would have had SR back then!!! It would have saved me about 3 years of hell.

How nice of him to use GOD in decisions that HE made as if GOD put this woman who now buys him things, in his lap.

And how you're on fire for God???? OMG!!! Justifying his actions by somehow implying that it was a mandate from GOD.

That burns me up!!!!

FREEK!!!!

Maybe one drunken night he'll "carve out" the new "ten commandments" which say "thou shall buy my new boyfriend a car", and his girlfriend will say "hallelua" I'm doing GOD's WILL.

Ha ha ha yeah... I felt that way to about using GOD to his advantage, just another wonderful way he knows how to manipulate.. Even the bible is twisted to fit his needs lol what a slap in the face this text was... Did I cry? Of course I did! How could I not, I loved him for 6 years and he can't tell me enough how happy he is and she is the love of his life.

I know everyone is telling me that I won here and that I dogged a bullet, it still hurts and I find it unfair. I deserve to be happy and want love that I deserve and know I can give. It's crappy how much he messed up my head all these years.

Of course it hurts.. :( just remember its a mourning STAGE you won't feel like this forever...
Its "funny" how they do those things..
In no other breakup did the ex rub the new person to my face.
I feel its part of the denial as in "SEE? YOU are the problem! I am FINE!" something childish and protection to the addiction so it can keep going. Its not about human beings here just addiction perpetrating itself.

From Addiction, Lies and Relationships

The addict's delusions that he is harming neither himself nor others by his addictive behaviors; that he is in control of his addiction rather than vice versa; that his addiction is necessary or even useful and good for him; that the circumstances of his life justify his addiction; that people who indicate concern about him are enemies and not friends, and all other such beliefs which are patently and transparently false to everyone but himself, are seldom correctable by reason or objective data and thus indicate the presence of genuinely psychotic thinking which, if it is more subtle than the often grotesque delusions of the schizophrenic, is by virtue of its very subtlety often far more insidious and dangerous to the addict and those with whom he comes into contact. For in the case of the delusional schizophrenic most people are quickly aware that they are dealing with someone not in their right mind - but in the case of the equally or at times even more insane addict, thinking that is in fact delusional may be and commonly is misattributed to potentially remediable voluntary choices and moral decisions, resulting in still more confusion and muddying of the already turbulent waters around the addict and his addiction.

In many cases the addict responds to negative feedback from others about his addiction by following the maxim of "Attack the attacker." Those who confront or complain about the addict's irrational and unhealthy behaviors are criticized, analyzed and dismissed by the addict as untrustworthy or biased observers and false messengers. Their own vulnerabilities may be ruthlessly exposed and exploited by the addict in his desperate defense of his addiction. In many cases, depending upon their own psychological makeup and the nature of their relationship to the addict, they themselves may begin to manifest significant psychological symptoms. Emotional and social withdrawal, secrecy, fear and shame can cause the mental health of those closely involved with addicts to deteriorate. Almost always there is fear, anger, confusion and depression resulting from repeated damaging exposures to the addict's unhealthy and irrational behaviors and their corresponding and supporting private reality.
From Dependency - Relationship

We must awaken to the fact that those that have a dependency problem are verysick selfish individuals. They do not have to look far for someone to feed off of, in a parasitic way, as there are too many individuals who are subconscious, willing victims who come to them and then become martyrs to the cause, and now nurture the disease in the person who they have given their power to. It all stems from a selfish act.

I am glad I am no longer a "willing victim"... it takes time but day by day the fog clears ... :grouphug:

Update!*** this didn't take long.... I told my friend about the text message and she is Like that is funny!!! I am like how is that funny? She is like " yesterday he posted on Facebook that relationships suck and that things are going south quick with his new gf" lol I had to laugh because he was trying to convince me that there getting married. Sigh.... Addicts are one suck individuals!

All the more reason to be outrageously happy that you stuck to your guns and didn't respond!

The reason he asked you if you are dating is because he is already weighing his chances of coming back to you. Several people on this threat saw right through his email that everything wasn't hunky dory. Now you know it isn't and you need to prepare yourself for him trying to get back together with you. He will try very soon. This is what you wanted not too long ago and he knows it so be prepared for the master manipulator to come knocking.

p.s. revenge is sweet sometimes

Lol yeah... I know right?! I can't wait to tell him to F*** off ha ha

He doesn't deserve to hear you tell him anything. No contact should be all the f** off he gets. Don't give him the opportunity to manipulate you by telling him anything. I don't remember who said this but it has been helping me a lot- "No new contact means no new pain".

Block him! He's an a jerk and you don't need to hear his shite. I understand how difficult this is for you, but continuing to listen to his cruel manipulations does you no good. Get on with your recovery and your life!

Rae,
I was disturbed by how my A continued to erode my self-esteem. The little cutting comments that were directed towards me.
Then I realized, that I had given my A the power to erode my self-esteem. I accepted the unacceptable behavior, over, and over, and over.

I think that was a turning point in my recovery. Looking at how I had allowed myself to be treated that way.

If I were you I would contact a Nordic model and parade him all over town. LOL. Ok sorry, I am not one of the "most recovered" around here.

No contact...

((Rae))
Alcoholics like to be in control. Even though you aren't with him, it gives him a giant thrill that he is still in control of your emotions. Don't give him the satisfaction. Come to us, to your close friends, or to your family with your grief. To him, act like you have never been happier. It will ruin whatever he is doing at that time. You will eventually heal, but you don't have to let him prolong that process. Hugs, Magic

PS This lesson was learned from 30 years of dealing with controlling alcoholics. It works so well if you can pull it off!

I know how hard this is for you. My exABF moved in with the "other woman" as soon as I caught him. Even thought I put him out, it was horrible to be without him. They spent Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years together and I was totally miserable. A mutual friend kept telling me what they were doing. I finally realized that it was too hurtful to hear about him, so I cut off contact with our mutual friends and total NC with him. I couldn't believe that it actually helped.

One of the things that saved my sanity was reading all the classic stickys on the forum. I cut out several of them and put a copy in my purse and one beside my bed and I read them every day. They really helped me remember what a jerk he was. I also asked myself what I missed so much about him and if I could find that with another person. I realized that it wasn't him I was craving, but companionship and someone to talk to several times a day. My friends filled a big part of that, and it really did get easier as time went on.

One of the things he did was go to my neighbors house several times a week. My neighbor would always tell me what they were doing. I realized that he never liked the neighbor very much and was just going over there so I would hear about "how happy he was". If he was that happy I don't think he would have to make sure I heard about it. I think your ex is doing the same thing. If someone is in a relationship and it's working for them, they don't have to contact their ex to share the good news.

Stay strong and keep doing what your doing. Listen to some music and read the stickys. This forum helps so much. It's been 5 months for me and I feel alot better than I did. The NC helped more than anything else for me.

Isnt it strange that we always want what we cant have? I knew i needed to leave my ex even though I LOVED HIM SO MUCH, i would have married him in a heartbeat if he would of been sober. He couldnt do that I told me my expectations where to high, all i asked was for him to respect me, love me, want to do things with me and be sober. This was to much. As soon as I left him, i took him back to work on it....then as soon as he left me and told me he found somone else, my mind went into OBSSESIVE mood and all i could do was try to find ways to win him back...but then he didnt want me and didnt love me anymore cuz i didnt fight for him lol. I cant belive i put up with this ****....SO TIRED of being depressed.

My ex alcoholic asked me to marry him...twice. And I TOO would have married him...IF he had been sober.

I go through the exact same thing you are going through...every day. Which is the reason I joined Al Anon and now I'm addicted to meetings!

If I was to explain OUT LOUD to other people the dynamics of the relationship...they would say, "Sooooo why are you with him?"

And right NOW...I don't have a good answer.

I worry that growing up in an alcoholic household...I'm in love with the alcoholic TYPE...not the person.

I think we are in the same situation.

They do terrible things...and we love them.
This is why I am determined to get help...to break this cycle...

If I didn't have this board...I'd be obsessively calling him.
And I"m not...BECAUSE I found support here.

Justrae -- This is a big problem here... "all" you asked of him was to be a bunch of things he is not .... respectful, loving, considerate and sober. Around here we call that "shopping for bread in a hardware store".

Your suffering is partially due to the fact that you are not able to accept or even see him for what he really is! You are in love with the potential you see in him! That kind of thinking will get us into trouble every time. We just set ourselves up for a world of hurt when we expect things from someone who is simply not capable of giving them to us! It's like asking you to be 6' tall when you're only 5'2". It can't be done. When I finally learned to either accept my partner the way he is or move the hell on, that's when the light bulb finally clicked on for me! It's impossible for us to mold someone into the guy we want. It never, never works and it only fuels resentment on both sides of the relationship.

Maybe take some time to think about these things and you might grow into a more comfortable acceptance and compassion -- not only for him, but most of all for yourself!

(((Hugs))) I hope you are feeling better soon.