If you can trust us (your listeners).. then listen to any one of us... all of us care enough to write back to reach out to you. All of us saying the same thing.. which is.. YOU dont see it because your emotions are frazzled.. but WE can see right through your ex's text. He's a jerk.. He's not happy.. he just wants say anything to make you hurt... misery loves company. There is NO other excuse for him sending you a text like that...

He is probably already making his new gf miserable. Just remember this .. The single most greatest predictor of future behavior.. is past behavior.

Just try to let it go.. dont read his texts anymore... Definitely dont let HIM send you back to square one (that's what he wants). Show him that you are still the better person.. because you are. :o)

Sorry, this guy is a jerk. If he is so happy then why text you at all. He's sick and cruel. Block him! Easier said then done but trust me....he will be back and I hope you turn and run the other way. Sounds more like he knows he as a big problem and wants you to think it was you with the problem. Blame game.....always someone else fault, you can't fill their needs....that's why they cheat too. You know, if I don't fill your needs leave....why stay! Sorry, brings up my own situation. Hang in there. Do something good for yourself.

that text is the biggest crock of sh!t i've read in a long time! Makes my skin CRAWL.

My ex that I spoke of in my earlier post - when this all happened we had signed a lease in a house for the school year with a roommate. I couldn't get out of it, all housing near campus was taken, and so he moved to the ground floor and our roommate up, but I had to endure living in the same space with him for many months. It was pretty hellish but helped me see his true colours and I was truly lucky to have him out of my life.

Thing is, I mentioned this to my sister's friend, whose bf recently had left her and she was a mess. When she heard I was living with him still she thought I was so lucky - she'd do anything to be in that position. She wasn't over him. She was miserable and to her, it would have been better to still have contact, any contact, than none.

My point is, sometimes we know it's not good for us to be sucked back in to them, but we wanted so hard to be the one they made it work with, that it's very hard to let go. On some level we may want the contact despite the pain it causes us. I think it's just part of the grieving process and trying to separate ourselves from someone we were so closely linked to. If you're strong enough to give yourself distance from him, the hold will loosen and you will likely start seeing him in a different perspective.

OMG!!!!!!!! Justrae, no wonder you are so wounded and raw. I think it is just straight up brainwashing craziness. This kind of pyscho BS makes us crazy! It's like they mess with our heads so much no wonder we are so unstable and question our sanity. I KNOW I GAVE MINE that power but I was so completely outmatched against the power of a sociopathic MASTER alcoholic. My EXABF would email me and his ex almost the same things. I was the "new girl"(except with no kids and they had been broken up with for 6 months) and wondered why his "psycho ex" wouldn't leave us alone. I feel bad for her now because I know now your situation is what he did to her.

I ,being the new girl, finally had enough of his drinking, finally had enough of his lies, so he "gave in" to his "pyscho ex", started talking about our relationship with his ex and then started cheating on me with his ex(he said they were just friends). I broke-up, found this site, and went no contact on and off waiting for him to change. I have finally had enough and going no contact was killing me but now I realize that it is keeping me alive. Lurking on this site for months I realized I was in way over my head. I realized he is one of the worst alcoholics I have ever heard about. He WILL die from this disease. I realized alcohol is a horrible disease BUT a beer can didn't cheat on me.....HE CHEATED ON ME. Now she probably has him back and her "Craziness"(codependent enabling) has been rewarded and has sealed her doom. I feel horrible for her. I was becoming her. Heck, I became her and my codependent enabling made me the "crazy psycho". I no longer even care if he thinks I am crazy or psycho, screw him, I don't need validation from him for diddly squat. I am so grateful that I am getting healthier day by day.

I realize my XABF's ex has no chance now, she may never be saved and baby you don't want to be her. I don't want to be her. Don't let your "Craziness"(codependent enabling) seal your doom. I deserve better! You deserve better! Don't let him lure you back in. Don't let him!

Yeah... That text was straight up brain washing lol

Hang in there sweetie. I know how much pain you are in. I am right there with you. It was so maddening at first for me that I felt I was coming out of my skin. I don't want to hurt anymore and I know how you feel. You are not alone. Come here and read or post instead of responding to him. This place has been one of the things that has saved me.

((((((((((Justrae))))))))) hugs hugs and more hugs

I'm still shocked it was a text. It takes me ten minutes to text someone 3 lines. That text would have taken me all day and I would have had to take several bathroom breaks, made and eaten a sandwich. Good grief. lol

It's so nice that they can share a couple of drinks after all the kids go to bed. It must be incredilbly stressful for them.

Okay being very sarcastic, there you go, he can drink with her.

That will get out of hand lickity split. Quack Quack is right.

My X used to tell me he can control his drinking lol, I was dumbfounded by that one, what I always wanted to say is, well you can't control your mouth when you drink.

Better, more healthy, wonderful things are right around the corner for you. Please do post and let us know when she kicks his sorry ass out the door. And change the locks.

Hugs to you woman, you are strong, you are beautiful you are smart.


Sure we will have a drink or two after being up with the kids since 6am and dealing with the teenagers and thier friends. :lala

Anyone who is truly actively parenting a 2 & 4 year old & 2 teenagers (not to mention the friends!) has NO time to be writing marathon texts to ex-girlfriends.
My heart aches for all of you engulfed in this mess. Especially those poor kids :(
Tighten your belt & be the adult modeling responsible behaviour Rae. Someone should.

I hope ol' boy doesn't think this was "making amends".

Actually it does sound like an 'amends' from someone who has a bit of recovery, has not done the steps, has no clue what an 'amends step' really is and truly believes all that he is writing as it is coming from his own distorted reality.

I have had several sponsees that have done similar in their first 3 months, but fortunately they had me read the letter first and I strongly put the kibash on the letters just as my sponsor did to moi when I wrote my first 'amends' letter to my parents, roflmao

So even if he had not mentioned a drink or two some nights, I would have felt one of two possibilities if the email:

1) He was in very early recovery

or

2) he was still drinking.

It is all the false reality that we alkies live in, even if we are in recovery, those first months our minds are such mush that the alcoholic way of thinking and looking at life are still alive and well.

BTW, I didn't make my amends, my in person amends until I was over 3 years sober, when I could buy an airline ticket from CA to FL and they/mom was talking to me again. She even offered to buy the ticket, she wanted to 'see her sober daughter', however I said NO. I had vacation time and I took all of it, 4 weeks worth, the first 18 days of it for the FL and the 10 days back home to recuperate, rofl from my mother.

So, just remember, everybody, an 'honest' amends, after your A finds recovery may be years in the making sober, especially if they have a 'tough caring' sponsor who checks every amends before they make it. Yep she had me write them out and 'practice' so I could maintain my composure, show my sincerity and ask honestly "what can I do for you to correct this/those terrible act(ions) I did to you". She could tell when I wasn't ready on a particular amend and when I was. One she did approve .......................... it took me 20 years to find the fellow. My sponsor was dead by then, but it turned out ...................................that he had been looking for me 12 or 14 years (not clear on that now) as he had found recovery in a 12 step program and was positive that it was his actions that put him in the wheel chair with ruined knee caps (he had been a long distance truck driver). And yes, I remembered hearing, while still drinking, that he was convicted and did time for attempted rape of me, but I knew I still had to make an amend, as I had physically hurt another human being, very badly, and even though it 'seemed' justified, I knew I still has to make that amend.

You see, an amend is NOT about what another person did to us on any particular action, an amend is how I reacted to the other person's action. My action(s) not theirs.

So. ........................ my alkie side says "well he kind of has the idea," my al-anon side says "boy is he still sick, stay away from that puppy, let him go, go no contact."

No contact means all .......................... no voice mails, no texts messages, no emails, no phone calls, and any letter throw away without opening, or drop in a mail box with the address crossed out with a red pen, and write on it "return to sender no longer at this address". The post office will return it. and do t5hat to any and all missives he sends through the post office.

Mark his emails spam and put them in your spam folder for later deleting with the other spam, UNOPENED.

Test message immediately delete, do not read.

Voice mail immediately delete, do not listen.

As the drama subsides from him and his current life, you will stop hurting and start to fell the peace and serenity returning to your life, and it is then you will finally accept that you never had, nore now have control over the A and yes that your life was unmanageable when you two were in a relationship!

J M H O

Love and hugs,

Her name is FAWN? Like a deer?

I guess that makes him her "stag"?

And, he sure is dedicating a lot of time texting you stuff...

I KNOW! that is what blows my mind. He texted me at 1:30 in the morning....i know your asleep right now but i was boared and wanted to see how you are. Are you dating anyone right now?" lol I didnt answer him..then 2 days later he says you must be dating... i texted him back and said "nick, i am dating right now..i am moving on just like you. Please have respect for me enought to leave me alone and I just want to be happy like you are." Then I got that text message 2 days later....

I get emails like this once in awhile. I used to get them ALL the time. I continue to read emails because we share children and we need a way to communicate. You don't have to respond. As you can see your reasonable response led to an even longer and crazier response on his part. That is the way it will go. His response will ramp up a bit each time you respond. If you want him to leave you alone stop reading and for sure stop responding - not even one word.

You are still dancing with him. If you want it to stop you have to leave the dance floor.

That ridiculously long and useless message is the text equivalent to a 3 year old sticking his tongue out at you, chanting "na na na na naaaaa naaaaa".

It's pathetic.

What's more and what's REALLY disturbing is that this Fawn woman is allowed yet another addict into the lives of her poor children, who have no doubt already been through the ringer with a drug addicted father. If anything, we should be pitying THEM because in all likelihood, your ex will fall off his wagon, nose dive into the bottle once again and the KIDS will be the ones to suffer the consequences of that.

Oh I know… I keep thinking if I should of emailed her and told her how he is because of her children, but I didn’t want to get more involved. Also, she wouldn’t believe me…most women wouldn’t. Plus, the fact that she already bought him a car and wants to marry him after 3 months of dating goes to show she has no regards for her children because she just wants a dad for her kids, even if that is enabling him. I used to think I WANT HIM BACK SO BAD…now all I can pray for is for God to help me rid him out of my life so I can be happy. Yes I date for fun, but nothing serious because I cant shake my ex yet. 6 years is a long time and when I am ready, I will be able to give all of me. I Hate my ex for what he has done to me…..

Get all the anger out justrae, you have every right to be pissed.

It is very heartbreaking to see all our hopes and dreams slip away.

Just want to assure you everything happens for a reason, in time the negative feelings will calm down. A new sense of self will emerge, and you will feel like a new woman. good things are on the horizon, stay positive, my friend.

I agree bad idea to contact her, she will not believe you, and she will assume you are the scorned, jealous other woman.

OMG, Justrae83. What a flying piece of bird excrement covered tripe. His text message is a giant mind-f--- attempt. But you already know that. Lucy, thanks for sharing about your brother's attempts with his messages. Amazing. Truly.

Justrae83, you'd asked if others had experienced this.... AXH never came out and said anything to me about the girls he was with while we were separated and supposed to be seeking help for ourselves and marriage. Hell, I didn't even know about them until well after the divorce. He tried his hardest to make sure I wouldn't find out about them.

He couch surfed with a friend of ours, who was my friend from high school. AXH lied to me and said that our friend was mad at me for leaving AXH and thought I was a b-tch, yada yada yada. I was so conditioned by him that I didn't even think to ask our friend.

AXH told our friend lies about me to keep him from contacting me, too. I found out later that not only did our friend NOT hate me, but kicked AXH out after finding girls crashing at the place, druggie buddies trying to break in, that AXH didn't have cancer...

The girl that took AXH in, wasn't the first he broke our wedding vows with, she definitely wasn't the first person he lied to about being divorced when we were still married, she wasn't the first one to believe his lies. But she was the first one to ask him to move in with her right after meeting him.

She's paying for the roof over his head, the leather sofa under his a--, the cable remote in his hand, the food he eats, chauffeurs him around, lets him watch her kids with her... She *knows* he goes to AA meetings because she's gone to a couple with him, but she also knows he's 'not like those people.' She's kicked him out twice in their short relationship and taken him back.

Yes, no matter how smart she thinks she is. No matter how much she thinks she's 'helping' him. He's got her number until she decides to take it back.

Yeah...its amazing the type of mind control games he has. I CANT WAIT till i can finally be free and not be mind fu**ed lol I choose to belive the lies becuase i loved him, I choose to belive the mind games becuase that was my only chance to be with him. This text message was such a slap in the face.