It Is, Quite Literally, Always A New Day
 

... and what I choose to do with this new day that just broke is entirely up to me.

I choose sobriety.
I choose to live with integrity.
I choose to be willing, open and honest.
In short, I choose to do my level best to become the best version of myself.

And now with a wave to all friends old and new, I choose to go to bed. :inbed

Sounds like some great choices Obladi, have a good night!

Good to hear from you Ob :)

D

Hi Obla!

You can do it. Glad you're back :)

very good to see you again!

At the moment, I am frenetically purging and cleaning the house, as I am finally for the first time living by myself in 34 years. It feels fantastic! The possibilities and opportunities for space and "stuff" are now entirely up to me.

A good physical metaphor for recovery, aina?

I'll be back later, and will start with my first check-in as learned in rehab which I intend to do here twice daily.

How I am today:
Physically: On the mend
Mentally: Keen & Giddy
Spiritually: Gifted with grace

Got a LOT of stuff done today and there is a LOT more to do just to get to the point of being able to do a thorough cleaning job. Then there's painting and replacing the carpet and figuring out what to do about the crappy metal folding doors...

But anyhow, about recovery.

I've been sober for 5 days and will stay that way. "But Obladi, we've heard you say this before. What's different this time?" At the risk of sounding flippant, I would say it's that I truly feel different.

Less flippantly, I'm pretty certain that every other time I've said I was done, the thought of drinking in the future has always been in the back of my brain. Sometimes a variation of this at times - simply ignoring the very real possibility that I could relapse and so I'd best figure out my strategy to avoid going there. Oh sure, I knew my strategy, I just didn't implement any of it when the time came. Turns out that I need to implement the tools before the relapse that happens before the drink. Go figure!

So a lot of things happened in the in-between and perhaps I will share those stories later in case anyone might benefit. But for now, I'm just happy to be back.

Tonight
Physically: Tired & feeling fat
Mentally: Calm
Spiritually: Paying attention

Oblada- life goes on. A new dawn- new beginnings, new possibilities.

I went to an AA meeting Saturday and another last night - the first since I'd been "out of the rooms" starting sometime in June. I was welcomed warmly, and that was no surprise because this is how I've found the fellowship to be. Not surprising, but heart-warming nonetheless.

For the first time ever, I witnessed someone responding directly and frankly to the chairperson. Normally that would seem out of line, but in this particular instance, it was clear that a number of us needed to hear his message: remember we are alcoholics and resentment is a deadly business. Indeed.

Checking In:
Physically - Rested
Mentally - Gaining Focus
Spiritually - Blessed

YOU SOUND LIKE YOU ARE IN A GOOD HEAD SPACE OB. Good for you..

DanG, PhoenixJ! I could hear that shoutout all the way over here! ;)

Funny (wonderful) thing about your observation:
At my very favorite meeting Saturday one of my very favorite guys asked me how I was doing. I responded that I was doing great. He said, "I know. I can see it in your eyes.

And today I went to a meeting I'd never attended because I'm usually at work at that time. Afterwards, the secretary was over the moon excited for me - he said he could see that I was in exactly the right state of consciousness to do this thing.

How cool is that?

I'm exhausted after a long day of continued reclamation (reclaiming?) of my space then Intensive Outpatient from 5:30-8:30, need to get to bed.

Evening check in:
Physically: Sleepy
Mentally: Like I've got a ping pong ball in my head
Spiritually: Grateful for another chance to get this right

I think it's a good sign that I've been so busy with all of my morning self-care recovery stuff that I'm just now getting to posting. I'll have to tighten that up some by the time I am released back to work or I'll have to be getting up at 3am. :)

Physically: Great, but I need to be careful with my old back as it's a bit sore from actually doing things.
Mentally: Alert. This morning has delivered so many lessons/reminders/connections that I have had to write them down immediately lest I lose them.
Spiritually: Paying Attention!!

Self-care recovery stuff:
* I've three white boards in my home. One is literally a schedule of what I need/want to do each day. I don't follow it precisely, but simply having the schedule helps me to keep moving. The second is for reminders of upcoming appointments, things I don't want to forget about doing, and thoughts. The third is a calendar where I am tracking my contact with "Team Obladi." I know I need to keep in touch with people who care, but carrying that around in my head wasn't making that happen. The calendar is. How I love my whiteboards!
* A friend sends me small readings/meditations each day. Today's was about using bad things that happened as a platform from which we can help each other. Perfect for where I'm at! Funny thing is that those readings were "meh" when I was drinking and now that I'm sober, they are spot on.
* Music. When I was drinking I was isolated in my room streaming videos with my headset on. Now that I am comfortable in other areas of the house, I'm playing music pretty much from morning til night. How I love my music!

So now I need to get back to reclaiming my space.

p.s. Intensive Outpatient (IOP) is a much better experience this second go-round. I am almost looking forward to going tonight. :turn:

I am SO LOVING your posts, Obladi!!!!

:grouphug:

how great you can enjoy music, Obladi!
for many, me included, music is so very tightly associated with drinking that it was really not something i could do without major discomfort and restlessness, and many entire cd's i had to avoid for a long time.

love the whiteboard idea!

Glad to hear this is good reading material for you, 2ndhandrose. I aim to please, but not too much. Still gotta be me.

Fini, is that any kind of music? Classical, jazz, hip hop, show tunes, R&B, country, indie, pop, classic rock, motown, opera, ragtime, cajun, folk...? I'm sad that you can't listen to music and hold out hope that there may be a genre you can enjoy now that you didn't listen to then. Want me to send you some new CDs? :wiggle:

Ok so this afternoon I descended into the dungeon where a troll used to reside. (She wasn't a troll really, but it makes the story better, don't you think?) I found a number of interesting things including approximately 5 cell phone and 4 ipod chargers. And here I thought she was eating the things! Also found a kitchen knife of the large variety. BEST FIND OF ALL: A little one inch petrified frog! Just frozen there under the bed. Wonder what happened there.

IOP was good again. I am now convinced that it truly is different this go-round and it's not just about "where I am." The staff I didn't care for are no longer there, the groups are smaller, and discussion between the patients during group is encouraged/fostered rather than being directed by the counselors. We had a great discussion tonight about honesty, taking control, and feeling overwhelmed. They were to be three separate topics, but as we talked, we found they were all related. Neat.

Returned home and went downstairs to make the bed in what I will henceforth refer to as "the guest room." There are just a few more things to do in there and I'll be on to my next project!

Signing off:
Physically - back is a little sore, otherwise I feel pretty good
Mentally - Neurons are firing but they are a bit sleepy and need a rest
Spiritually - Just plain good, maybe warm

Good morning! On a mission, so just a quick check-in:
Physically: Good, bit of a headache but that's normal for morning
Mentally: Steady
Spiritually: Present

p.s. Rose and everybody, please feel free to comment, query or otherwise participate. This is my story but the reason I post here as opposed to in a journal is to share and to learn. Namaste.

Hello there, Obladi.

You are an engaging writer and I've enjoyed reading your posts. Single digit sober and sounding very grounded in recovery. May your growth continue.

Sincerely,

Carp

thanks, Obladi, but the music difficulties are long in the past. it was a difficulty i had when newly sober.
i got over it:)

quite the finds in the bedroom!
i found a knife in my then-16-year-old daughter's room once, next to the vodka.
was a bad scene, but kid got through that 'phase' okay. as did i, with her.

:lmao

Obaldi,

So good to hear you.

It is always such a pleasure, and especially wonderful to see you rocking your world.

So happy for you.

Missed evening check-in last night because I was spending time with my daughter and then fell asleep. Good reason, but not an excuse because I committed to twice daily. I don't think that's ok, so in the future I think I'll be sure to "call out" in advance if I think or know I won't post. Onward.

Physically: Really good. Amazing as I was dragging furniture up and down stairs yesterday. Hungry. Have to get in the habit of eating in the morning.
Mentally: The neurons are on fire. I am seriously considering getting a voice recorder so I can capture my thoughts before they fly away like they do if I don't write them down immediately.
Spiritually: Just Wow.

So glad to hear from you, Carpathia, fini and Rose.
According to SoberTime, I've now got 9.04 days, so I'll be crossing over to double digits tomorrow morning!

Gonna post this before I lose it, but I may well be back in a bit.

Meditation for the day:
Live Expectantly
Believe Deeply

Went to a meeting at 0630 today, oh my. So glad I did. It was a really good group and the topic was spiritual awakening. People spoke of the many and various ways that this came to them and how they interpret it. For most people, it seemed to be a very quiet thing that was simply finding a peace or sense of serenity by living with integrity. One person said she had literally experienced a moment at her first AA meeting. I can't imagine! What I took away is that everyone is individual and unique, so it makes sense that how people come to and then experience spirituality or peace or oneness or whatever is based on that individuality. Awesomeness.

I am very forgetful and a bit giddy right now, so am worried about repeating myself. Please give me a break if I do. (Meds have been adjusted.) I'm pretty sure I didn't yet report that I found out yesterday that I will be out on medical leave for at least 3 more weeks. By the time I'm done with this adventure, it will be fall and my house will be the Taj Majal. :lmao

Oblidah!
Glad to 'see' you :)
Sure hope you mean it will look like the Taj , I love Donald but leave it to him to name his casino after a mausoleum, lol

Good to see you too, dwtbd; thanks for the welcome back.

I am quite exhausted tonight. IOP was good overall, but at this moment I can't remember anything aside from a raucous woman who was in the last hour session. Maybe I'll remember in the morning.

Physically: Exhausted
Mentally: Exhausted
Spiritually: Got the warm fuzzies

Good morning!

I have to file a claim for my car which took on a tire in the middle of the lane on the highway. Car won, but took considerable damage to the front bumper. Oh how I hate dealing with insurance stuff! *sigh* No one was hurt, I was sober, and I can afford the deductible. What's a little inconvenience when a person is out on a nice long medical leave?

Speaking of that, a friend helped me to see that this leave is akin to a leave for any other injury. When a person has surgery on their hip, they have to stay home for a good long time to allow their body to mend. Doesn't it make sense that the same would need to happen for me with my broken brain? Loved the analogy.

IOP last night:
* My check-in included a "jokey" reference to my fear of being overbearing or abrasive. Several people interjected with their perceptions that I am helpful, confident and not at all abrasive. That was nice of them.
* One of the women asked if anyone was worried about who they might be sober. Good discussion followed. I amazed myself by talking about being excited at the prospect of what I might discover. That's totally new for me; first time I've ever really felt that way.
* There's a guy that is very much into the program, both IOP and AA. He says amazing things, some of which are right in line with Rational Recovery concepts. I loaned him "The New Cure" book; can't wait to hear his thoughts.

Okey, so I need to get on filing that claim, then think I'm going to start attacking the kitchen. It will involve disassembling and reassembling the table as I want to swap it with another and it's too big to fit through the door. That might well take a few hours. But hey, I've got time.

Time is a gift, O
Time is a gift
Omm

"* My check-in included a "jokey" reference to my fear of being overbearing or abrasive. Several people interjected with their perceptions that I am helpful, confident and not at all abrasive. That was nice of them. "

oh ja?
what if it wasn't nice at all and they were actually telling you how they really experience your presence??
:)

couple of days agoi went to a little artsy place i've been in many times over the last dozen years and that i had found only because one of my daughters, B, had a shop pretty much next door and knew everyone.
the framer i was looking for was not there but her co- worker gave me the framer's email address and i emailed her and introduced myself as B's mom, M, as that is how everyone there has always known me, B's mom.

in her reply she expressed her surprise.....she had never known i am B's mom!

all these years, more than a decade, i had assumed she joked and laughed and liked me mainly or only because of my daughter.
turns out....she had no idea.

you get my point.

Ah fini, I can always count on you to peel back the layer on the onion. What I meant to say was "It was nice of them to say so because I'm glad they took the trouble to say they perceive me that way." But underneath that "jokey" exterior lies the person who whispers, "but that's just a few people and they don't really know me anyhow." Building confidence is definitely in my plan, but I haven't figured out a way to actually do that. At the moment, I'm hoping that as the depression lifts and the anxiety abates through the concrete things I'm doing, the rest will follow.

Filed the claim today - car goes to the shop Tuesday am and they will have a rental waiting there for me. Now, that wasn't so difficult, was it? I did disassemble the table and managed to get the top dragged up to the landing. It's mighty heavy, so I promised myself I would not touch it again until tomorrow. I am stronger than I think I am.

Did the intake and treatment plan thang with my IOP counselor today. New goal in addition to continuing to use the tools I've put in place is to eat healthy and exercise. As it is now written down, I must proceed. We had a good discussion in group about prioritizing ourselves and our recovery/discovery at the top of the heap lest the rest slip away. I can see pieces of my former self in the first-timers and just hope they can learn from we multiple-timers and skip the agony.

Alright, the kitchen is in a disarray and that mondo table top is perching annoyingly on the landing, but I'm going to take myself off to bed without letting it bother me.

Physically: I feel well. Tired and a wee bit achy in the back.
Mentally: Clear
Spiritually: Growing

* One of the women asked if anyone was worried about who they might be sober. Good discussion followed. I amazed myself by talking about being excited at the prospect of what I might discover. That's totally new for me; first time I've ever really felt that way.

This is huge! I remember feeling this way when I quit this last and final time. I had been using one substance or another since I was teenager so I didn't know who I really was without them. It turned my whole perspective around when I decided to be excited about discovering that instead of fearful of how I would be able to live without numbing myself or checking out of reality. It was a pivotal moment. It's choosing to learn through wisdom instead of fear. I used to have a lot of irrational fear and it kept me drinking and stuck. That voice in my head telling me that I wasn't enough, that I needed something outside of myself to be ok. That I wouldn't be able to handle life without some crutch. Those were all lies that my AV told me.

I'm glad you had that insight. Be excited! Now you get to find out who your authentic self is.

Thanks, Zen. Now that I'm on the right path, I find that everything is coming together - a confluence of grace! I love that you mentioned living through wisdom as this is something with which I've been recently struggling. My friend sent me a TED talk that included advice to pass wisdom along lest your bad times mean nothing. In other words, convert suffering to caring. I'm not using the correct words to convey what I mean, but I hope you understand.

In any event, I pondered that concept and asked her "How do I pass on my wisdom without seeming pompous?" She laughed, but I was quite serious; it's a phobia of mine, you know. Subsequently I had this series of thoughts that led me to understanding that "do" is the operative word in wisdom. Living through wisdom includes me and not just the rest of the world. I like it.

Physically: Headache as per usual in the AM
Mentally: A bit skittish, maybe?
Spiritually: Paying attention

I'm off to get ready to go to my very favorite meeting. I've got 35 minutes and it's only 5 minutes away but due to my scattered ways I need to start now!