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Cooooooooooow Where are you? We both been gone a few days. Time to pop your horns up. |
She'll be back, she promised. She's just fixing her little cabbage and going to PHX. I did notice the bright full moon last night. I thought I'd left a light on outside, but when I checked, it was the moon. Made me think of you guys and that CAL. |
"her little cabbage" SOB! |
Trach, you has said in past, very clearly, that you has to disengage with me when I using. And I TOTAL FREAKING SUPPORT THAT, BUDDY! But I make clear in last thread that I struggling again, so I not sure what to do when you does this kind of posts, you see? Please advise. PS. My tiny cabbages was very well receive. I broil them in butter with little bit of maple syrup. My older brother tell story that huge desert turtle walk past his sidewalk. Size of beach ball. Moving very fast. Was phone number paint on his shell, so he call it. Owner come running from down block, say turtle is master escape artist. Turtle 60 year old and his name is: Larry. Is take two people to carry him back to his yard. Owner say he has dig under fence, chew through fence, and escape out gate. It kind of make me sad. Everybody just want to be free, yes? |
I can see why they wanted to bottle Larry up and keep him for themselves. I wonder what his true home is like? |
Glimmer, I has to admit, the story of Larry make me cry. Larry is obvious Sonoran desert turtle who want to roam free and copulate. My brother say he was moving very fast, like he running for freedom. Since I adult, I total oppose to zoo, pets, and sea world type stuff. (Excepting for rescue animals.) I think is outrageous to cage animal for human companionship or entertainments. Is arrogant folly of human. How dare we. |
Awww, my husband's name was Larry, and I do love turtles! Cow, I agree with you about caged animals. My bird was Larry's, I didn't want to get a bird. But the bird flies happily around the house and chews up the furniture and wallpaper, so he's a happy creature, the little bugger, and he's another heartbeat in my home and I do love him. Please take care of yourself, thinking of you. |
Zoo's make me cry too Cow. And don't even get me started on that Ringling Dingling Brothers Live Animal Cadaver Entrapment crap. It makes me want to scratch my eyes out. I can't bear hunting either. Even with the premise of "thinning the herd". I typically go off in all ways when I'm in the room with an avid hunter. I can't even handle fishing. And those videos of CFO animals ? I openly weep. But for some reason, the absolute worst for me, is when I'm driving down the highway and see one of those animal transport trucks. I usually choke back vomiting. Ok, that's all. Happy Monday (?) :/ |
:herewego |
biminiblue is this seat free? I'll share my Milk Duds if I can have some popcorn. |
Cow, glad your sprouts came put nicely. Hope your home now and recovering from the traumatic turtle incident. I would have hated to see that too. I hope youre feeling better. I'm having some time at home and feeling good about that. take care of you, dear one. Love from Lenina |
Is it just me or is the Turtle acting a little cowdependent? Zoos are very depressing to me too. The last time I went to one (15 years ago in the Bronx) there was that family of Babboons and one of them looked at me and her eyes were so human and so sad. I know it might sound soft but it really broke my heart like we were taking away their dignity. |
Originally Posted by Cow
(Post 5303140)
Trach, you has said in past, very clearly, that you has to disengage with me when I using. And I TOTAL FREAKING SUPPORT THAT, BUDDY! But I make clear in last thread that I struggling again, so I not sure what to do when you does this kind of posts, you see? Please advise. PS. My tiny cabbages was very well receive. I broil them in butter with little bit of maple syrup. My older brother tell story that huge desert turtle walk past his sidewalk. Size of beach ball. Moving very fast. Was phone number paint on his shell, so he call it. Owner come running from down block, say turtle is master escape artist. Turtle 60 year old and his name is: Larry. Is take two people to carry him back to his yard. Owner say he has dig under fence, chew through fence, and escape out gate. It kind of make me sad. Everybody just want to be free, yes? I'm hoping that some attention will help you choose to not use. MMMmmm, tiny cabbages. Poor Larry. Some people would say Poor Junior. Junior was a rescue. He can't see well enough to live in the wild. I've thought about getting a tortoise to compliment Junior. If I can find one to rescue, I might. |
Trach, what helped you to not drink/use? For me, it was an inside job. Support helped, sure. But mostly I had to finally really be ready to quit once and for all. And be ready to use all the tools I had. Maybe you can tell us about how your shift into sobriety happened? We never know what might help someone relate. Love from Lenina |
You really want to know? Sure about that? I'm not joshing now. It ain't pretty. |
Trach, none of our stories are pretty. You don't have to give us all the gory details, I just the basic, how it was and what happened. It could make a difference for someone who reads this. Cow has express interest in hearing our stories, our struggles. I think it's helpful to know we aren't alone. Love from Lenina |
Bless you for save Junior. I sorry, Trach, I not my self. I learn yesterday that my niece try to kill her self. Cuz she come from same f*cked up lineage as me. Total depress nihilist who not able to see future of any promise or enjoyment. If it count, I try really hard, for many year, to get her father to help his girls, but he as dead and depress inside as me, due to our own abusive parenting, and so is no help for them. You think I dark, you should hear this kind of misery come from mouth of innocent 15 year old. Is total heartbreak. Is like seeing you own life repeating. I want to help them. I not can help them. I not even recover from my own childhood or able to help my self yet. And yes, freaking tell us you story. That is most interesting thing to me. Is WHY this happen. I know why for me. I not know why for everybody else. |
Two summers ago, I was unemployed, majorly depressed, and drinking heavily. As in a handle of vodka every other day. During one spell, I found myself varying between chills and fevers, hurting like I had the flu, and with no money or insurance. It wasn't the flu. Shortly, I was sitting on the toilet, passing blood, and begging whatever powers that be that would listen to not let me die like this. I truly did not know if I was going to survive this episode. I stopped drinking, stayed in bed for two days, and finally began to heal. I came out of sickness and straight into withdrawal. I drank enough to not go into seizures but really limited myself. That's what the last two years were like. Not enough booze to kill me, not enough abstinence to kill me. I was on a long term taper until last year when I came back here. I was finally able to put it down with my doctor's help. My recent weekend binge was an aberration caused by inattentiveness on my part to my meds. And that's the story. |
Mwah, Cow. |
Good for you, Trach. You got this. Is fascinating to me, how we find our self where we are. I applaud you for overcome you circumstance. I know why I am where I am, and I know why for my young niece. But, what is to be done? At Easter dinner they actual suggest she come to live with me! Cuz I was put on my functional, funny, astute show. And I pick up on her depression and get her to talk about it. But little did they know, I had sneak into pantry (under guise of going to bathroom) and chug cat psss wine out of box. And earlier, I had go into house when everybody outside playing bean bag toss, and chug burnt black coffee out of my pappa thermos. So yeah, I talk a good game, but no, I not able to help her when I not able to help self yet. |
No, dear Cow, you're not and you're wise enough to realize this. My family is also a mess of dysfunctions. I bailed at 17, I couldn't stay a minute longer. I have a lot of survivor's guilt. I truly had no choice. I found out about many things much, much later. Still, the sibs cling to their fantasies/delusions. I guess it keeps them from going on maniacal destruction rampages. I don't know. I'm sorry you had to spend time in that web. My psychiatrist recommended I cut all ties with mine, and I did for a good long while. But got reeled back in some years later. And the insanity started again. I don't blame them. I knew better. I did it anyway. I got lucky and survived yet again. Cow, I do wish you could go in for some extensive inpatient/outpatient treatments. Where your diet and health could be supported. I don't want you to die. Please don't take on survivors guilt too, OK? none of this is your fault. I think you need some rocking. Love from Lenina |
Y'know what, Cow? That might be the best thing that you could do. Take in a roommate that would require your responsibility. Make the funny, functional, astute show a reality. Might be good for both of you. |
I hear you Trach, and I even think about it, but would total irresponsible for me to take in child in state I in. Lenina, I has been inpatient, outpatient, nonpatient. It gonna come down to me. I has had some good runs at sobriety lately. But they not take hold. I still trying. |
Yes, keep at it. Post here. Or in the Mystic okra thread daily. Beats taking a shower, eh? I'm proud of you, you know. I believe you are working very hard. I believe you can find some peace and some giggles in your life. Love from Lenina |
Well, (redacted) Well, want to take me in? I need a change. :D |
Originally Posted by Cow
(Post 5304473)
I hear you Trach, and I even think about it, but would total irresponsible for me to take in child in state I in. I was in a pretty bad way when I was about that age. I think it would have been nice if someone who knew me had tried to help. No one can save anyone else, but sometimes it might be a comfort to think that you're cared for, not just by strangers who are paid to do it. |
I am an ACOA and I am no contact with my family. This is something that I generally don't share. Actually when it comes to those issues, I tend to turn into a turtle and hide in my shell. I grew up with physical and verbal abuse and I have struggled with depression, codependency and suicidal tendencies through out my life. Getting sober was the best thing I could have done because I was so sick of all that crap I knew that I was going to kill myself. I had been comparison shopping for funeral arrangements and looking up which bridges to jump off (they put a safety thing to the one my friend jumped off a few years ago). One thing which really help me is helping others in need (doing volunteer work) and also staying in the moment. I just finished an awesome Zen meditation class and this has helped my a lot with my peri menopause (yep got that too, probably contributes to the sour puss attitude) and with worrying/anxiety. Still have to deal with chronic pain but with the warmer weather, it has gotten manageable. The thing I keep on top of my mind is that there is nothing that drinking won't make worst. I did not "hit bottom" I just could not do it anymore. I was disgusted with myself. I truly feel like I went through the "dark night of the soul" and I am glad I was able to pull through. You could really be an asset to your niece but healing starts with you. :hug: |
Hi Carlotta, thank you so much for that sharing. Bunny, is you serious think active depress addict should take in minor child? First of all, I hate childrens (sorry) and second, I not responsible nor have any knowledge of children raising. That is one right thing I do in my pathetic life is NOT HAVE CHILDREN. My older brother was stupid, and he admit it now, but is too late! My offer was to send both girls to youth group camp or such, where they can be support and encourage to grow into healthy adult. I has been offer that for years, but girls not want to do it. Of course they don't! I was total abuse, but you still would has to pry me from my home. I try over and over to talk my brother into this, but he depress and dead like me, and not will even has coherent conversatings about this. (And is also complication of the girls worthless mother.) So is not gonna happen. It become such a stress on me, I just has to stop. |
Thanks, Carlotta. If I hadn’t felt like I was staring death in the face, I would have kept on drinking. In fact, I did. For a long time. I feel more myself when I'm drunk than ever, ever sober. But myself is deadly to myself. I know exactly where my self's story was going. The morgue or a nuthouse. I wish we would all stop drinking, Cow, GuineaPig, everyone. Sometimes I wish I could go back to drinking, but I can’t do it and still have a life, and I’m not quite ready to die. It isn’t really that hard to quit. You just quit. The lead-up is a lot of lies to other people and to yourself, but the quit is just a minute. That you keep repeating all the time. I don't even know why sometimes. I loved to drink, really loved it. A highball fits my hand more naturally than a pencil or another person's hand. But as long as I have something to live for, I'm not drinking. What do you all live for? |
If someone had reached out to me at age 15 it might have saved me an awful lot of pain and misery. I could have used a crazy auntie. Or anyone, really. |
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