Went to bar with friends
 

I've been going out to the bar twice a week to shoot darts, I shoot on a league on Monday nights, and a friend of mine on the team, we go out every Thursday to practice, and I have been drinking only soda, and water and I definitely have a way better time hanging out. I've even taken my friend home because he drank too much, it felt good to be the DD, and go home and spend the rest of the evening with my wife and 2 month old son instead of being drunk, puking, and passing out, leaving my wife to take care of our son by herself. I'm going strong on 3 weeks sober right now, and I'm enjoying every minute of it.

Holy smokes.. I can't even imagine going to the bar right now without getting drunk..

I'm glad you haven't drank alcohol, but please be careful. Don't get complacent.

Maybe you've heard the phrase...You go to the barbershop often enough, eventually you're going to get a haircut.

Well done on 3 weeks Dean

Congrats on three weeks sober and keep your guard up. :)

Hey DeanChev- Way to stay strong! Also, congrats on the three weeks.

The bar thing seems like it could get bit tempting, especially if the newness of 'going sober' begins to wean. It sounds like you had it under control, but I do wish you well if you make it a habit of going back there.

I can appreciate the dart league, and I am aware that they are usually played in bars. But as a person who threw his fair share of darts around my town (always in bars and with beer) I just know that might be some very risky stuff. At least for me it would.

~Stay strong~


Lusher

I am the worst dart thrower when I'm drinking so for me to even think about drinking when I go is a bad idea not only for my sobriety but for my game lol I've gone long periods sober before, 3 or 4 months at a time. I've also noticed that staying sober when I'm at the bar shooting, I'm more aware of my surroundings, I've had drunk people do stupid **** near me, and I was sober and got away before I got in the middle of such things. I know how blessed I am and I intend fully on staying sober whether I go out to bars or not. I actually feel extremely good driving home knowing I didn't drink and still have some of the evening left to enjoy.

Congrats on 3 weeks. Stay strong.

Congrats on 3 weeks. I have 12 days today and will be going to my sister in law's 30th birthday party tomorrow with lots of drinking. Similar to you, I am confident I will get through it.

That's cool! Now you have to find a sobriety forum to stop drinking soda! haha

Good job though. When I used to go out to bars there was usually someone there not drinking playing pool or darts or something.

I knew a musician once who would never drink before a gig for the same reasons, then one night he had one to limbre up, that went well so he started having two to also conquer nerves....

You know where I'm going with this.
That muso was me.

It's your life Dean but you've had a lot of trouble getting and staying sober and I have to admit this makes me nervous man.

Keep your recovery as a priority ok? Prove to me I'm wrong if you like :)

D

I'm also not too keen on going to bars or other venues where drinking is featured. Doesn't matter if it's framed as a "test," a show of strength in terms of sobriety, or just part of an occasional routine. Everyone who's done what you did in early sobriety, Dean, feels great about it the first time. But followup visits are never the same. I'd rather have a colonoscopy than sit around with people who are drinking.

Please remember that even thou you are confident and intend on staying sober that alcohol doesn't care about that. It's patient and waiting for that weak moment.

Thanks everyone for your concerns, I understand that going to bars is risky. I've never wanted to stay sober more in my life, I have too many amazing things to enjoy without alcohol in my life, and I know I can do this. I don't go out as a show of strength, I like to get out of the house sometimes, and just hang out with some buddies, and I know drinking is NOT an option for me.

Congratulations on your 3 weeks sober DeanChev! It sounds like you have a lot to live sober for.

How long did you drink? From your post's, it sounds as though you have slipped before.... at least once. I have to say that, IMHO, 3 or 4 months of sobriety is NOT a long period of time. For me that is a mere second of my drinking time!

PLEASE consider your wife and child and put them 2nd and 3rd... RIGHT AFTER YOUR SOBRIETY!. They need a sober husband and dad.

Now here is the big question... you mention wanting to spend time with your buddies. Are they 'drinking buddies' or TRUE FRIENDS?

Would you give them the key's to your house if you needed to get out of town? If the answer is yes, great. If the answer is no, I would encourage you to put your sobriety first and spend your time with TRUE FRIENDS.

This was the most important change I made in my life to ensure that I stayed sober. When I walked away from my local pub, not 1 of those 'drinking buddies' called or came by to see how I was doing. We had been hanging out for over 10 years! REALITY!

3 weeks is a FANTASTIC start, so just keep stringing those days together and soon you will have a month, then a year and then 2... and so on.

Good Luck!

Alcohol has a lifetime to wait for our one moment of weakness.

It sounds like you are doing great with 3 weeks sobriety. But I agree with others, do be careful. For myself hanging out in a bar would be leaving the door wide open for a relapse especially so early on in sobriety (I'm at about 3 weeks too)

Congratulations DeanChev.

:c011: :c011: :c011:

When I started drinking again after 10 years, it wasn't because I went to a bar.
I was at home.

Since I quit for the final time (almost 8 years ago), I've been frequently been to bars and house parties and other places/situations where alcohol is flowing freely. For me, it has never, ever been an issue, even right after I quit. I know my opinion is not popular, but it's my experience so that's why I share it.

I am SO relieved to be out of the hell of being addicted. I love living life with no thought toward alcohol. I knew I was done when I was done, so it matters not where I go. I'm not a drinker, so it's never even a question. There will never be a reason for me to drink again. Ever.

I refuse to live in fear of places/people/situations somehow causing me to drink. I fought to get my freedom from addiction, so I'm not just going to hand it over to fear.

I don't know that your opinion is unpopular. And so what if it is? It also seems that it's your experience rather than an opinion.

The OP has been sober for three weeks. Though you may have successfully remained sober despite being around alcohol from the very beginning of your sobriety (and I don't know your timeline with this), I don't imagine that you'd agree that doing so early on is a good strategy for everyone.

I don't think one has to avoid being around alcohol for the rest of one's life, but to go out to a bar three times a week with three weeks' sobriety seems--I'm sorry--INSANE.

There is an old saying that if you hang around the barbershop long enough, sooner or later you're going to wind up with a haircut.

Even at six years sober, I avoid hanging around for any length of time in a place where drinking is the main event. I go to parties, weddings, occasionally eat a meal in the bar section of the restaurant, but I am there for reasons other than the fact that alcohol is served there. And if the ONLY reason why my companions are there is for the booze, I say goodnight.

You have plenty of time to shoot darts in the future (and even in bars, if you want to). I would just suggest you avoid that activity until you are a little further along in your recovery.

Congratulations on your sobriety!

I am new at this myself, but I wonder, too, if the danger isn't just the bar, but also the routine. For me, it has really been pivotal not just to not drink--I've had periods of not drinking here and there--but to radically change my routines and therefore my potential triggers.

If going to the bar to drink and play darts 3x a week was part of the old routine, does going to the bar 3x a week and not drinking represent enough of a change? I think it is something worth thinking about. Would your buddies be willing to hang out elsewhere? And if not, that is good information too.

Hi.
When I was trying to sober up I’d felt the same in several respects and it was called being “terminal unique” and it almost was!

I found out that hanging around at AA meetings got me close to people who identify and can help me get and stay sober which was my honest goal.

BE WELL

I could have never hung out in bars when I was at three weeks sober.
For me, it would just have been a matter of time before I was drunk again. I had to stay out of slippery places. Because, it would only be a matter of time before something would set me off and then I would drink again. Like if I had a bad day, or something there or someone there would have made me mad somehow. I just don't think it is a good idea.
So, please be careful and know that you are dancing on thin ice.

Soberlicious, would you say from your earliest days of your present sobriety you have abundantly grown in strength, abilities, and experience to refuse to live in fear of people/places/situations?

Having now asked, I want to make clear I believe you absolutely have achieved real freedom from your addictions. :)

Hey everyone, to answer the question if I would give my house keys to my friend, yes I would. He's an Iraq vet, only 24 years old, and he doesn't always drink when we go shoot darts either, his wife always comes with us, she never drinks. I would happily shoot darts anywhere, whether it's at a bar, or his or my basement, problem is, I want one of the bar dartboards, but I can't find a good one anywhere, I don't go to the bar to test myself, I only go to shoot darts, and the bar I shoot at mostly, has a game room where I am away from the bar too. My buddy doesn't pressure me to drink either, he knows my situation and I told him I would happily be his DD anytime he needs me to. I'm still sober and feeling good. I realize that alcohol follows a person around for years, trust me, yes I have quit before and relapsed but I'm sick of the hangovers, the puking, and the negative impact it has on my relationship with my wife, this time is totally different than the last times I've tried quitting.

When the main event isn't drinking, I think it is pretty reasonable to attend if you want to, but you need to be careful. Some stay away for a bit regardless. Grats on your three weeks, but don't get to thinking it will always be easy. Sometimes it is, until it isn't. :)

Call me an old hardliner, I'm fine with that... But my opinion is that with 3 weeks sober, the bar is the last place you need to be. Don't care what you are doing.
I see soberlicious' point and I agree with what is being said, but I have a hard time thinking that is a wise thing to tell a newcomer. I would would even advise oldtimers to "be careful". I don't know about you people, but for me, this is life or death. Hanging out in bars seems more on the death side than the life side.
Just my .02.

Hi DC.

I did not intend to suggest that your recent visit to the bar was meant as a test for you, or that you went along because you wanted to demonstrate that you could be around alcohol and other people who were drinking without joining in. That was more in response to so many other people on SR who have framed such events in this way. It's a dangerous conclusion, particularly in early sobriety, that because we can survive such events without drinking that we are therefore immune to drinking environments.

Among much else, each such event is separate and discrete. In this case, past performance does not always predict future behavior. It's very easy to carry forward a false sense of invulnerability in early sobriety based on a single or a few instances in which we could have but did not drink.

Becoming indifferent towards alcohol and to those around me who were drinking was a slow process, and I never put it to the test. I only discovered my strength in this regard when I was around my family on holidays and I found that their drinking had no effect on me in any meaningful way, except that it didn't trigger cravings or a longing for a drink. And this was only after more than two years of sobriety. Whenever I went to a restaurant I couldn't stop staring at the bottles behind the bar. This was much worse when I and the person/people I was with were directed to wait at the bar for a table. I was truly mesmerized (and probably salivating), and I recall that this was the case for at least my first year.

My only message is to proceed with caution.

I guess I'm going to be less charitable than some posters.

When I/we made the decision to quit alcohol and drugs for good, this was not simply going to be the same old routines, minus the booze. This was going to be a radical reconstructive surgery of our lives, which had become unmanageable. There seem to be a lot of posters here lately who think the same circumstances are acceptable, as long as they don't involve the alcohol.

Remember, "half-measures availed us nothing". If anyone is committed to sobriety no matter what, then there is going to be an inevitable paring of things that were enablers to our habit. This was my own realization 14 months ago.

Alcohol almost killed me.
It plays for keeps.
STAY OUT OF THE BAR.