I don't think one has to avoid being around alcohol for the rest of one's life, but to go out to a bar three times a week with three weeks' sobriety seems--I'm sorry--INSANE.

There is an old saying that if you hang around the barbershop long enough, sooner or later you're going to wind up with a haircut.

Even at six years sober, I avoid hanging around for any length of time in a place where drinking is the main event. I go to parties, weddings, occasionally eat a meal in the bar section of the restaurant, but I am there for reasons other than the fact that alcohol is served there. And if the ONLY reason why my companions are there is for the booze, I say goodnight.

You have plenty of time to shoot darts in the future (and even in bars, if you want to). I would just suggest you avoid that activity until you are a little further along in your recovery.

Congratulations on your sobriety!

I am new at this myself, but I wonder, too, if the danger isn't just the bar, but also the routine. For me, it has really been pivotal not just to not drink--I've had periods of not drinking here and there--but to radically change my routines and therefore my potential triggers.

If going to the bar to drink and play darts 3x a week was part of the old routine, does going to the bar 3x a week and not drinking represent enough of a change? I think it is something worth thinking about. Would your buddies be willing to hang out elsewhere? And if not, that is good information too.

Hi.
When I was trying to sober up I’d felt the same in several respects and it was called being “terminal unique” and it almost was!

I found out that hanging around at AA meetings got me close to people who identify and can help me get and stay sober which was my honest goal.

BE WELL

I could have never hung out in bars when I was at three weeks sober.
For me, it would just have been a matter of time before I was drunk again. I had to stay out of slippery places. Because, it would only be a matter of time before something would set me off and then I would drink again. Like if I had a bad day, or something there or someone there would have made me mad somehow. I just don't think it is a good idea.
So, please be careful and know that you are dancing on thin ice.

Soberlicious, would you say from your earliest days of your present sobriety you have abundantly grown in strength, abilities, and experience to refuse to live in fear of people/places/situations?

Having now asked, I want to make clear I believe you absolutely have achieved real freedom from your addictions. :)

Hey everyone, to answer the question if I would give my house keys to my friend, yes I would. He's an Iraq vet, only 24 years old, and he doesn't always drink when we go shoot darts either, his wife always comes with us, she never drinks. I would happily shoot darts anywhere, whether it's at a bar, or his or my basement, problem is, I want one of the bar dartboards, but I can't find a good one anywhere, I don't go to the bar to test myself, I only go to shoot darts, and the bar I shoot at mostly, has a game room where I am away from the bar too. My buddy doesn't pressure me to drink either, he knows my situation and I told him I would happily be his DD anytime he needs me to. I'm still sober and feeling good. I realize that alcohol follows a person around for years, trust me, yes I have quit before and relapsed but I'm sick of the hangovers, the puking, and the negative impact it has on my relationship with my wife, this time is totally different than the last times I've tried quitting.

When the main event isn't drinking, I think it is pretty reasonable to attend if you want to, but you need to be careful. Some stay away for a bit regardless. Grats on your three weeks, but don't get to thinking it will always be easy. Sometimes it is, until it isn't. :)

Call me an old hardliner, I'm fine with that... But my opinion is that with 3 weeks sober, the bar is the last place you need to be. Don't care what you are doing.
I see soberlicious' point and I agree with what is being said, but I have a hard time thinking that is a wise thing to tell a newcomer. I would would even advise oldtimers to "be careful". I don't know about you people, but for me, this is life or death. Hanging out in bars seems more on the death side than the life side.
Just my .02.

Hi DC.

I did not intend to suggest that your recent visit to the bar was meant as a test for you, or that you went along because you wanted to demonstrate that you could be around alcohol and other people who were drinking without joining in. That was more in response to so many other people on SR who have framed such events in this way. It's a dangerous conclusion, particularly in early sobriety, that because we can survive such events without drinking that we are therefore immune to drinking environments.

Among much else, each such event is separate and discrete. In this case, past performance does not always predict future behavior. It's very easy to carry forward a false sense of invulnerability in early sobriety based on a single or a few instances in which we could have but did not drink.

Becoming indifferent towards alcohol and to those around me who were drinking was a slow process, and I never put it to the test. I only discovered my strength in this regard when I was around my family on holidays and I found that their drinking had no effect on me in any meaningful way, except that it didn't trigger cravings or a longing for a drink. And this was only after more than two years of sobriety. Whenever I went to a restaurant I couldn't stop staring at the bottles behind the bar. This was much worse when I and the person/people I was with were directed to wait at the bar for a table. I was truly mesmerized (and probably salivating), and I recall that this was the case for at least my first year.

My only message is to proceed with caution.

I guess I'm going to be less charitable than some posters.

When I/we made the decision to quit alcohol and drugs for good, this was not simply going to be the same old routines, minus the booze. This was going to be a radical reconstructive surgery of our lives, which had become unmanageable. There seem to be a lot of posters here lately who think the same circumstances are acceptable, as long as they don't involve the alcohol.

Remember, "half-measures availed us nothing". If anyone is committed to sobriety no matter what, then there is going to be an inevitable paring of things that were enablers to our habit. This was my own realization 14 months ago.

Alcohol almost killed me.
It plays for keeps.
STAY OUT OF THE BAR.

Agree. Great post!!

Yea I'd be careful hanging out at bars even though you're not drinking. You might as well find people who don't drink like that as friends for the long haul. Because that one day you get down on your luck you might break the sobriety agreement and your drunk friends would catch you with open arms and welcome you back.

I came to understand if I wanted long term sobriety, I needed to make more changes in my life than just not drinking. My life is no longer centered around drinking, the places people go to engage in that lifestyle, nor do I hang out with people getting hammered.
An AH hanging out in bars is kinda like a gambling addict who heads to a casino twice a week for the buffet, not the best idea.

Good job on 3-weeks

I agree with most of the posters on this thread.

I seldom go to bars, and if I do, there is usually a pretty good reason for it (I don't remember what page of the BB refers to this, but I think it's page 101) and I pray before I go.

I have been sober a long time, though, and I could have never been remotely comfortable or safe going to a bar when I was early on in recovery.

If someone else wants to put his or her sobriety on the line and go to bars in early sobriety, I wish them the best.

It has been my observation that there is a better chance of me receiving wisdom at an AA meeting than in a bar.

:scoregood

No, not when it comes to fear of drinking. I control whether I put alcohol in my body, that choice is not made by others for me. Of course I've grown in many ways since I quit 8 years ago, but sorry, no I've always had the mindset that places don't make me drink, being around alcohol doesn't make me drink. I don't drink because I made that choice and as a living, thinking human being I can decide to abide by that choice regardless of my physical locale at any given moment. After all, there is a 7-11 on every corner. If I wanted to drink, a bar would be the last place I would go.

I'm not telling a newcomer to do anything. I'm sharing my experience, and if you read for comprehension, I already prefaced by saying I realize my opinion is not popular. It is my experience nonetheless, and it has served me well for the last 8 years. If someone happens to feel the way I feel, I would want them to know they are not alone and that they can live life as they choose without a struggle and without fear.

Well gee thanks. That's nice and all, but not necessary. I don't have a problem saying I'm confident in my abstinence.

Individualized Recovery
 

I ducked back into Bars early on in Sobriety - after 'some' weeks - to grab some Chicken Wings on special when Da Wife was out Drinking with a Gal Pal. It was all a giant non-issue. Eat. Have a few Lemonades. Watch a Hockey Game. Head Home. Much of the World Drinks. My challenge to myself: deal with it, without shifting from Alcohol as my Crutch to some other substituted Crutch.

My Lifestyle; Biz World Socializing pre-Early Retirement; and p/t Musician status put me in Bars 'all the time'. I decided to re-tool what that Environment means to me, and have proceeded pretty much effortlessly to do so.

Part of successful conversion to f/t Sobriety is continuing to do what you enjoy. Good Vibes and Happy Hormones flow from that sort of Activity, and re-condition you to what a Bar 'means'. Having a good Pal and a Sober Woman there, and a separate Back Room, all sound ideal to me if that's how you want to approach this. I don't know of a Church Basement you can go to shoot on a Pro Quality Dart Board. IMO, not doing what you love is more a Trigger to pick up again, out of accumulated frustration, than doing what you love. I don't go to Bars anymore just to drink. Boring. Same with being stuck as the token non-Drinker at small Dinner Parties that I know are going to include Wine Tastings. I pass. There's no enjoyment in that. I don't avoid those Scenarios because of Wine. I avoid the associated boredom of Alcohol-centered Evenings. I pick a Bar Seat not facing the rows of Bottles. They're not a big deal anyway. Either Alcohol controls me, or I control Alcohol. I effortlessly choose the latter daily.

I drank at Home. I don't avoid Home. I've re-Tooled what it means to me, right down to my Core.

I don't cheat on my Wife just because I Socialize 3x/week with a Neighbor who does cheat on his Wife. I mean that as an Analogy to shooting Darts in a Bar 3x/week. My Core Values aren't swayed by external Variables. As a Tag Line of mine goes: 'I don't kick Puppies. I don't hit Women. And, I don't Drink'. Shifting Alcohol consumption into the realm of something you just don't do forever settles the issue for some of us who've made our Big Plan. Despite having Power-of-Attorney, I didn't embezzle from my Parent's Estate either. When something is unthinkable to me, that's simply the end of it. Period.

I don't read anywhere that Soberlicious is suggesting your Regimen for everyone. Hence, the Title to this Post. I wrote this Post before she posted above just now.

As with others here, I have what I sincerely believe is sage advice you should follow. It's my Signature Line below.

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Everybody is different. I'm afraid staying completely out of establishments that serve liquor isn't something easy to accomplish without denying yourself a bit of social life and enjoyment. At least in the US, they aren't serving alcohol less places these days, they are serving it more places. Tap beer at the kiddie pizza joint, liquor service in movie theaters. Applying the same simple rule wherever you are works fine, don't pour alcohol in your mouth, but if you are new to sobriety, an abundance of caution is a good idea.

For me, it's not that alcohol waits for our "weakness" but that our will shifts. At times like that we REALLY need to focus on why we decided to go it straight in the first place.

Congrats and best wishes :)

I very much appreciate everybody who posted in this, I've read alot of good advise and wisdom over the few years I've been on this forum. I will be checking in here and there and updating my sobriety which will do nothing but go up in days, months, and years :c031: