I quit at first bc I felt out of control. I want to be in control of what I put into my body. I always had the attitude that substance abuse of any kind was - A - OK as long as I was in control. I had to eventually give up all substances as each one took me out of control.

I had no choice but to quit. I was down to $10 in the bank and two suitcases of clothes. That was all I had left. Lost my career, my car, evicted from condo, declared bankruptcy, girlfriend kicked me out of her place. Multiple arrests and ER visits coincided. I could sober up or become a homeless drunk at this point.

Showed up on my parents doorstep and was in rehab shortly thereafter. Still picking up the pieces of my life. But I am lucky to be alive.

Drinking ended my engagement suddenly, got me pulled over for drunk driving, and just blacking out all the time. Final straw? My dad nearly died from a bender and we quit together..

I've been thinking about this for 2 years now, and I'm still not sure. Many of the reasons that can be seen as the wake-up call can also be seen as reasons not to stop. "My partner left me, so I needed to quit" can also be "My partner left, I have nothing to live for now, I might as well drink".

I wish I knew how and why I turned the internal knob. I only know that I was 100% convinced and committed. Maybe it was just survival instinct kicking in. I honestly don't know, but I'm OK with that. I'll keep looking for the answer though, as it seems so important - especially when you want to help others to kick the drink.

a deep and profound realisation that I am an alcoholic

Lets see.....

- my best friend dying from a drink induced brain haemorrhage
- the collapse of my first marriage
- quitting a great job that I have worked hard at for 6 years to get it to where I wanted
- arrested for DUI
- not one single dry week in well over 10 years. At least one bender wary two weeks in the past year resulting in waking up in strange places with my wife not knowing where I am
- at least 90% of the times I drink resulting in blackouts in these recent months
- dizzy spells, anxiety and feelings of panic in these past two years

nope....none of that did it.

Despite all that I thought I could handle my drinking and keep it confined and keep my life on track. I know that is hard to believe but it is true.

What finally did it was last Sunday morning I stumbled upon an article online about how alcohol abuse causes mental health problems and....BAM.....I found myself reading all about myself. It suddenly fell into place. My alcohol abuse had been underpinning every ****** thing that has happened in my life in the past 20 years. Time to stop. I am NEVER going back.

Time to save my marriage, spend more time with my kids and fulfil my potential at work. I will then spend as much time as I can helping others to do the same. Thats the plan.

What made me quit was the idea that my little boy would have to be watched by my husband's parents if I had to be admitted to a hospital. Then, I thought about how they might find me dead one day. With all of the pain I was having the night after drinking, I knew my body was screaming for me to stop. Then I watched a british documentary about drinking on youtube and watched a women in her mid thirties have to get her stomach drained, because her liver can't process much so it just leaks out and she blows up like a balloon. She needed a liver transplant from drinking two bottles of wine a night for 10 years. It is truly scary to be addicted to alcohol.

The death of my son.
5 bottles of wine a day self medicating.
A noose.
Suicide solution.

I got sober instead.

Two things.

One, having to shuffle straight to the bottle for a couple pulls the second I opened my eyes so I could stop shaking and feeling like absolute ****.

Two, I stood up from the toilet and fell over backwards while trying to pull my pants up hitting the back of my head on the toilet rim, knocking myself out cold and cutting my scalp. I don't know how long I lay there half dressed next to the dirty toilet.

When I went into the living room I asked my husband hadn't he heard me fall and he said, "Yeah, but you fall so often I don't bother to go pick you up any more. I mean, you're either going to get up or sleep where you fell. What do you think when you wake up on the kitchen floor and stuff?". I was mortified.

How disgusting had I become? A nasty sloppy falling down drunk no one wanted to bother with. I still have scars from some of my falls.

Took me another couple months to actually go to rehab, but I did it.

Handcuffs and jail food

Yep, that would do it.