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-   -   Diary of a Mad Cow, Part IX: "Moo & Improved" (https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/alcoholism/349790-diary-mad-cow-part-ix-moo-improved.html)

Soberpotamus 11-14-2014 01:00 PM

What does Cow have planned for the weekend?

I hope to get lots of reading done. Super exciting, right? ;)

BackToSquareOne 11-14-2014 01:19 PM

When you get into neuroscience, neuroplasticity and all of that it gets confusing as to just how much recovery ability the brain has. The latest science seems to say the brain has a lot more recovery ability then was once thought.

When you research the overlap it gets really, reatty, really confusing. The question, can things like the power of belief, feelings, education, exercising your brain, diet and physical exercise and all of the countless things you can think of change brain structure?

They have done studies on Buddhist Monks with Cat Scans, MRI's and whatever else they use these days and did find differences from the norm. You Tube is loaded with studies on neuroplasticity, I find that field of science fascinating!!

Cow 11-14-2014 03:31 PM

Hello everyone. I not posting today cuz I in catastrophic depressive state again (OMG, no! What is the odds?!) Anyway, I think we all hear enough from me when I like that. Is no point to blather on and on about it. Is maybe from have to abrupt stop nootropics. Or maybe cuz today I give up all caffeine for good. Or is maybe cuz sun set in the west, who the f*ck knows, right?

I just gonna distract self with TV for many hour, take sleepy time pills, pass out and hope for better day tomorrow.

I also interest in neuroplasticity, B2SQ1. My brain come back really long way after meth OD, but it not a happy brain. Why not? Why it does all that repair but leave me like this? Come 'on brain, that lame!

Leshar 11-14-2014 03:51 PM

With you, Cow.
My psych stopped rtms after 20 sessions, no benefit, worse, even. Don't know how to get thru a minute, never mind a day. Very sick, may need to be admitted, but can't face the scorn. Can't look after my bird, feel so achingly sorry for him, the wee love.

Cow 11-14-2014 04:08 PM

Leshar... :c021:
Sweet Little Birdie... :c021:

BackToSquareOne 11-14-2014 04:17 PM

Sorry you guys are feeling worse, Cow and Leshar. Leshar, very sorry you didn't get good results with the rtms, hang in there guys, sending a super extra large dose of good vibes to each of you!

Soberpotamus 11-14-2014 04:40 PM

Cow & Leshar... :grouphug:

Soberpotamus 11-15-2014 08:05 AM

B2SQ1, I find neuroplasticity fascinating too! Have always been interested in the brain. And I like reading your thoughts on it :) I really hope that the longer I do my meditation, the more I might gain some sort of direct benefit from it. Even if I don't, I still think it's a practical exercise. It's about as spiritual as I get, lol.

Cow, hope you got some sleep last night.

It was super cold down here... in the 20's. All the animals slept inside, even the cat who didn't want to come in. She had to suck it up and sleep with us. She still hasn't gotten over the dogs yet. The other three don't mind them much anymore.

We left the garage door cracked so that the neighborhood cat could come in and sleep in one of our cat beds for the night.

SoberLeigh 11-15-2014 08:11 AM

((((Leshar)))) ((((Cow)))).

I simply can't imagine.

walkbeformakrun 11-15-2014 08:57 AM

SJ - 20's in the Deep South! Wow. I'm jealous. It is mid 30's here and only Canada is north of here.

Cow 11-15-2014 04:54 PM

Was today better? No. But, friend I not seen in while come by with his doggie and that nice of him. He tell me I not look that bad. He lying. ...But I'll take it.

courage2 11-15-2014 07:01 PM

Here's one for all of you -- I was sitting in a coffee shop with my sponsor, she having matzoh ball soup & me a BLT, and it being NYC they have a full bar. So she asks me, seems like out of nowhere, what would happen if she said to me, go, go over to the bar and you can have 30 minutes of controlled drinking, exactly 30 minutes.

My reaction was instantaneous and intense.

What would you imagine you would do?

Cow 11-15-2014 09:59 PM

Well I never have sponsor, so with grain of delicious savory salt (mmm, salt) I has to say that I not understand this kind of provocations.

I not "situational" or "availability" drinker, so this would not cause me to drink, but if I was that kind of drinker, I certainly would no appreciate this kind of provocation. Of course, you two has long relationship and maybe she have some reason to think is good idea to challenge you in this way -I not can know about that.

For me, it also seem little arrogant. I not NEED anybody permission to drink, okay? I gonna drink or not drink from my own permission (however stupid, insane or misguided it might be). I not think sponsor role is to test you or make game of give you power to drink for 30 minute. And plus also, to even open up idea of "controlled drinking" to a sponsee seem very inappropriate to me.

Gilmer 11-16-2014 02:51 AM

I would have said "No. Even if I could control it fully, I just don't have the desire anymore."

soberclover 11-16-2014 04:06 AM

I have to agree with Cow that it is kooky-loca for a sponsor to plant that type of seed in an alcoholics mind. I understand what the sponsor was trying to introduce as far as thinking but I think there are other ways to do it. There is no such thing as "controlled" anything for this recovering addict and alcoholic :)

Dee74 11-16-2014 04:15 AM

Do you think the question was of benefit to you Courage?

D

Hawkeye13 11-16-2014 05:57 AM

I guess I'm not situational or opportunity-based either.
Doesn't sound tempting.

It isn't not being able to drink, but that I don't enjoy drinking anymore.
That's the rub for me at least. . .

RobbyRobot 11-16-2014 06:18 AM


Originally Posted by courage2 (Post 5019685)
My reaction was instantaneous and intense.

What would you imagine you would do?

If my sponsor had talked such an offer to me back in my earliest days, it would have earned him me saying back "Oh yeah? Well, why don't you go ahead and try it for yourself? Let me know how that works out for you, okay? And if not, stop playing these stupid head games with me."

So I'm interested in your reaction courage. :)

walkbeformakrun 11-16-2014 06:26 AM

I don't know about what is proper between sponsor and sponsee, but two friends talking or a teacher student talking, one tempting the other with a scenario of forbidden fruit and weakness, it does not sound nice or productive. It could be the sponsor was feeling weak at that moment and needed help from the sponsee. A student may at that point become the teacher and surpass the teacher. It does happen.

SoberLeigh 11-16-2014 06:33 AM


Originally Posted by courage2 (Post 5019685)
Here's one for all of you -- I was sitting in a coffee shop with my sponsor, she having matzoh ball soup & me a BLT, and it being NYC they have a full bar. So she asks me, seems like out of nowhere, what would happen if she said to me, go, go over to the bar and you can have 30 minutes of controlled drinking, exactly 30 minutes.

My reaction was instantaneous and intense.

What would you imagine you would do?

It would be a 'pass' for me. Alcohol has lost its appeal; it no longer has anything to offer.


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