''One day at a time'' is that really living?
 

Apologize, some advise please. Help me with some evil thoughts brewing today.

The dark side of me is saying that living ''one day at a time'' is pointless. It's not truly living for me, just surviving. It's feels like i'll be living this ''one day at a time'' for the rest of my life. Then die of old age at 80 years old or something. But ill be healthy right!?..sorry.

I've always been the ''full tilt, balls to the wall'', type of personality. Its all or nothing. Sometimes it feels like with my personality type, my life expectancy isn't very long here. ''Living the fast life'' is another way to put it.

When I read on here that people are still struggling with drinking 10-20 years of sobriety under their belt, it makes me feel screwed. Then i'll be right back to the '' just take it one day at a time thing'' right? I don't know if I can live like that! its just not me.

Anyone relate? help..

Sober living is not easy, it takes a lot of effort, but I know if I kept drinking I wouldn't have even seen my 50's!! . . . so when it comes down to it, how do you want your life to be like?!

I am curious how you live? Do you live in the future? Do you live in the past? The only moment I have is the present. If I only have is this moment what does anything else matter?

I used to relate when I was active and when I was in my teens and early twenties. I find the balls to the wall a very immature way of life to be honest.

Well, I don't know. Was drinking really living? Lying, sneaking around...was that living? The merry-go-round of drinking, feeling like ****, throwing up, guilt and shame...I could go on...and on and on.

My life is far from perfect now, but I am closer then I was a few months ago. These past few weeks I have this new feeling of peace and contentment. No more hiding. It is really weird, but good weird...

I'm not sure what you mean by "balls to the wall."

I know that my life is better sober. I don't feel like it's somehow a lesser life. It's certainly better than when I lived my life drunk half the time. Those were the only two choices for me, and the sober choice is much better.

I don't think it is usual to struggle with that kind of distance. Are you sure your AV isn't just trying to use another tactic to get you to drink? It has had to switch up on me several times after previous attempts to get me to drink had failed. You are past 6 months right?

Actually living one day at a time is how everyone should live, alcoholic or not. All we're promised is today really. And hopefully you'd want to be sober and aware if it is your last day. We all need to live in the present, addict or not. I used to live in the past by dredging up old hurts and mistakes and in the present by worrying incessantly about what MIGHT happen. I can tell you it's no way to live. I missed years of my life like that. Enjoy each and every minute of today sober and aware because you never know if you have a tomorrow.

I find it a shame that drinking alcoholically already robs people of their courage and self-esteem. When we get sober, we should feel empowered and fantastic about our new journey. Instead it seems there is a focus about how we are powerless and in the back of our minds, statistically we realize that most will relapse.

I think the thoughts of feeling deprived and excluded is a major problem. The solution is to really, truly not want the drink. Examine what you consider the pros of drinking and really challenge them. You can realize that your personal positives are in reality completely embellished. When successful, each drink-free day will be a pleasure instead of a challenge.

You might surprise yourself and find your full-tilt personality really likes to take a ride on the wave of the pure present now and then. :)

I don't think "struggling" is the right word. Some people with long-term sobriety may have thoughts of drinking, but that's a lot different than struggling. IMO, the majority of people with long-term sobriety are very happy, and do not struggle with their sobriety.

As for one day at a time, that's a personal choice. But it helps me stay focused on today. I don't spend time thinking about what I'll do drinking-wise a week, a month or a year from now. I just work on staying sober today. And it works for me. As for the rest of life, I do a lot of long-term planning and goal setting, so I'm obviously not living one day at a time when it comes to those issues. Still, I try to keep my mind from worrying about tomorrow, or feeling guilty about yesterday.

Where all different jdooner. I already know i'm very far from being were I should be. I'm putting everything I got into being sober.

Sad to read this..I always enjoy reading your posts. Kinda threw me off with this one..

I'm hiking the Grand Canyon on my 50th birthday later this year. That strikes me as significantly more balls to the wall than waking up under the coffee table like I did last year.

This is what it's all about, so much more potential in life being Sober!! :agree

Well MaddMaxx. BTTW living eh? The question is do you have a problem with alcohol? Are you an alcoholic? If the answer is yes, then you have to live one day at a time. You only drank one day at a time didn't you?
You are not getting the point. A clear misunderstanding of what 'one day at a time' actually means. To simplify it: If you are struggling with acraving or had an urge to drink, just work on not drinking for this day. This 24 hours you don't have to drink. That's it. Pure and simple. Just don't drink today. Guess what? When you wake up tomorrow do you know what day it is? That's right, IT'S TODAY AGAIN. So all you have to do is not drink again today. etc.
You can still live bttw without drinking I hope. When I go rafting through the rapids I don't drink. When I'm out on my kayak I don't drink. When I went hiking into the Grand Canyon last year I didn't drink. I was doing a lot bttw type stuff. You can live life and enjoy it as much as you want. Just don't drink. If you struggle at first it gets easier.
How about this idea. If everything you do is BTTW, how about chasing your sobriety BTTW? If you put that much energy into it you won't be struggling to not drink the rest of your life. It really is that simple.
I can't wake to take the kayak out on the ocean this year. I just hope I don't hook into a shark, I'm not quite ready for that kind of BTTW adventure yet. Think the habs would have won the gold if giroux was on the squad?
Go FLYERS!
Be cool and calm down. Think about it. It is not then end of the world. For me it's a new beginning.

Do you understand that you've skewed your question and pre-loaded your answer in order to fit what it is you seem be looking for? Or claiming?

In all my time on SR, I don't recall a single person with "10-20 years of sobriety under their belt" report that they're "struggling with drinking." So it makes me wonder why you'd invoke such an extreme exaggeration if the point you seem to be making is strong enough to stand on its own.

It seems that you're suggesting that living "one day at a time" is a daily, never-ending fight against alcohol, the obsession to drink, and all the adverse side effects that come with early sobriety.

It's entirely possible that your temperament may inhibit you from "sitting still" long enough to reap the many rewards that sobriety brings, but do you honestly want to take that chance?

For me, achieving sobriety was a lot quieter than going ''full tilt, balls to the wall," but there's no reason why you can't transfer that energy towards getting sober.

You're in a slump, something we've all been through, but now is not the time to despair. You'll have plenty of dread to occupy yourself with should you choose to return to that dark place.

Now boys, let's not get into more macho posturing than we need to, ok?

Although it's true that ladies dig a guy who can enjoy the present moment. ;)

Snarkbunny was going to chime in earlier, but she held her tongue, but you all drew her out. Now I'm shutting her up again, per my vow.

Sorry I threw you off - I guess I was trying to make a point. I used to live in the past with regret. I would live in the future (bonus to bonus) thinking of the next thing to buy. I lived anywhere but in the present. I was active.

I used to think I was invincible. I would push the limits in my hobbies, skiing, skydiving, racing formula cars - what I found was when I was in the moment was when I was in my hobbies and sports. This is because I was getting an adrenaline rush - a drug.

When I would use cocaine and booze I was in the moment. In fact, nothing else mattered. When I was sober I needed to live in the past or future bc I could not stand myself and being with my thoughts.

I struggled in early sobriety. I had no idea I was not my thoughts and had no idea how to deal with the thoughts that would come into my head. I read The Power of Now, Tolle. I read Awareness, De Mello and I began to deconstruct my "I" I realized I was not many of things I would self identify with. This allowed me to live in the moment. I am not perfect and sometimes I get out of my center. But when I am in the moment sober, I am at peace.

I am sorry that I upset you, sincerely. But I wanted to illustrate a point and I did not know how much you were struggling. I too have struggled at times with the one day at a time vs the forever with respect to sobriety. I have come to terms with the fact I cannot ever drink again because I am an alcoholic and an addict. However, I practice living in the moment.

Do you meditate? Meditation has been the most subtle but most significant change I have made to my life to assist in recovery.

Thinking that it could be another tactic from my AV too.

Yes i'm over 6 months.

If the only thing that distinguishes your sobriety from your previous life is not drinking, I would imagine it could be quite a struggle. There is certainly a period in early recovery where the best that you can manage is to not pick up, but once that passes you need to move forward in your life. Only you can decide what you will put in the 24 hours you are given, but if you choose well and consistently the days become weeks, weeks become years, and your life becomes the outcome of your choices (as it always was). So what exactly is it that you want? Then work to it... in 24 hour increments.

I just posted and saw this. Must have hit send around the same time. I heard on the news someone had fallen this week and didn't make it.
This past summer I hiked into the canyon from both sides. Took angel bright all the way down to the plateau and back in about 8 hours. 120 deg F down there. Brutal. Took north rim down and back - much cooler plus it rained on us. Through hike is on the horizon. Did a half dozen hikes in Zion as well - all the tough ones. Talk about BTTW. if you slip or fall off the side of one of the spines you have about 20 seconds to repent before it's all over. Kayaked on the Colorado etc. You're going to love it!

Hey Maxx

For every tale of someone with long term sobriety going back out I can give you at least 5 or 6 cases off the top of my head of people right here on SR not doing that.

Long term recovery is not a gamble.

As long as you never forget what drinking does to you and as long you are prepared to do anything but drink, you'll be fine :)

If you don't want to relapse - really don't want to - you won't.

As for living one day at a time...until they invent a way where we can live multiple days simultaneously, ODAAT is all anyone can do, alcoholic or not :)

D

Maxx - I'm coming here from a totally different point of view. When I was born, my mom was 21 and was told she had a "heart condition" and that she would never live to see me turn 10.

I was 29 years old when she died. Her heart condition wasn't defined until about 3 years before she died.

She lived, every day, as it was a gift. When we were talking to the funeral director, our pastor (mom was church secretary) said "she lived 100 years in her 50 years".

It was after her death, and a codependency issue I had (nothing to do with my mom) that I became an addict.

Since being in recovery, I've come to appreciate that each day IS a gift. We aren't guaranteed a tomorrow.

I've got 7 years in recovery, and really don't think about "one day at a time". I focus more on gratitude. FWIW, my first gratitude list I did (only at the urging of dear people here) was said through gritted teeth, and it was "I'm grateful for a soft bed and pillow, as the ones in jail were NOT soft".

I promise you, if you work your recovery, the one day at a time becomes natural. I focus on gratitude. I try to make every day the best I can. I've been through some REALLY rough times, but I keep thinking "just get through today, give it your all" and move forward.

I tell people "I love you" when ending phone conversations or leaving, because that's how I grew up (not realizing mom may not be there the next day). I end the day knowing I've done the best I can.

Do I think of "one day at a time?" all the time? Not really. at least as far as addiction goes. I do, however, think that whether you have an HP or not, gratitude is an every day thing. The more I look for things to be grateful for, the less I think about the "old days".

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

I took the mule ride down into the canyon from the north rim. The guide told us to keep the mules close together or they would try to throw us and go back to the corral. Between that and the mules amazing gassy emissions it was pretty BTTW :)

You can live in the present moment, and not be sober ODAAT. If the prospect or even the possibility of drinking again in the future is daunting, then just quit for good. How's that for BTTW? No half measures, no quarter asked or given. BOOYAH.

All this..

Exactly. I've been running away from these feeling for years. Built up quite the illusion that I never really had to worry about anything because I always had drinking/ego on my side.
Now that its over, i'm getting butt kicked with all of these emotions. There is quite a few loose circuits in my brain right now - I understand its repairing itself...but my god, its been tough.

As for meditation, i'm moving to a new town at the end of the month. Am going to check into some classes as soon as i'm settled.
This is a 360 degree turn in ways for me to relax, but ill try just about anything at this point. I have to stay sober.

I was never really upset Jdonner, more confused than anything. I was just expecting a different reply..that's all.

Thanks..

You truly touched me with this post Amy. Reading this helped me tremendously. Thank you so much for this!!

Would have?

You know Canada dominates hockey when a player like Claude Giroux doesn't even make the team. The team was stacked!

One thing is for certain. I will never post(or say) the term ''balls to the wall'' in life ever again. I get it.

Bear with me people. I've drank myself stupid..:happysad:

I found it stunning that I had deceived myself for so long so well. I am like the most interesting man in the world commercials, having lived all over the world from a young age and had many professions degrees businesses while being a warrior by day, literally. I taught my fellow military weapons and using them, to cops, pilots, and base personnel before deployments. I literally lived many more lives than just one. Just name it and I've likely done it to proficiency.

I didn't really notice when I became addicted to alcohol. It was just what I called motion lotion. The last two years I was drinking in the morning to stop the shakes. It took a seven day in hospital detox to give me s jump start, which was all I needed to get out of my self imprisonment.

My first months of sobriety had a continuous string of digestive tract extremes, pink clouds and anxiety attacks which I'd never experienced before.

But I started to realize just how much I had been tap dancing to stay ahead of the realization that nothing mattered to me but drinking. The go go was keeping ahead of what was surely chasing me. My humanity. My normalcy in the human equation. The realization that the bright talent and adventurer I had truly been, was now a has been who could have still been, if I had been, sober.

I was horrified at how I had half azzed the things I was talented in and used to put 100% into. But just because my half azz was impressive yet to others, to some extent I thought I knew what I was like, and still liked what I was.

I had become a coaster in more ways than one. It took two years of sobriety just to fix up the things and feelings I had let slide. My realization that I had been known not as the life of the party but some self satisfied BS artist because what they saw didn't match who I had been, a sobering realization.

I did not struggle. I went through my first six months retired, and just doing s little at a time to bring everything back up to good repair and standards. I don't live one day at a time. I focus, and the calendar pages seem to turn when I look up and wonder where all the time has gone. You see, it has to count for something in the end. You see it never was who I was. Who I am is a function of today. I am no longer afraid of the future. My past is more triumph than tragedy, yet what have I done for myself today? My glory days are gone, unless I count today. And I am no longer afraid of bring me. The way I used to be before alcohol made me run hard to cover my tracks.

No you don't have to live one day at a time. You can live in tomorrow fooling yourself that it will be good or bad. We insure our promises about the future are fulfilled by making it so today. The power of a god resides in our contemplation of a day. I fear my power these days, and dissipate the fear with an act of faith daily to my self.

Live today, for tomorrow we die. At the end, it will seem like it went by in an instant.

See, if you worry about how you are perceived, you will be in the power of perception, your own, or filling a role for another's.

I've found serenity is no fun too, until I am serene enough to enjoy it.

Sorry for the ramble, you see, most of us prefer the illusion to the reality, that we are not anything like the press releases we let alcohol publish without regard for anything but our agenda to be anything except nothing. Sober, we realize we were the only ones reading them, and even then, we knew better.

Life doesn't get better, we do.

One day at a time is meant to encourage people to live in the day, not yesterday or tomorrow. It is also a way of managing your time in the early stages of sobriety to give you enough time to get on with the work necessary to change. Most drunks don't like the thought of never drinking again do we try and get them to break it into bite sized chunks, it's easier to not drink just for one day.

I have only met one person in 5 years who has been struggling with their drinking after 20 years abstinence and I felt so bad for him I wanted to buy him a drink. I would not normally meet these kind of people because they would be isolating big time in an effort to avoid drinking. These people are the smallest minority in the 20 years sober range as they have usually died or had a drink by then, luckily for them.

I'm 5 years sober and alcohol doesn't figure in my life at all but then again I did enough work to change, had I just stopped drinking I would not have gotten very far.

I went to AA because I too was full tilt kind of guy and there are lots of us there:-)