When the end of a noose looked better than dealing with the death of my son.
When 5 bottles of wine a day did not end the pain.
When death seems appealing, and escape an only choice.
I do not recognize that thought process anymore or the person those 8 years ago.

When I realized I needed to drink just to prevent insane withdrawals.

Roughly a year before I found a way to stop drinking. In that time I came to understand the obsession of the mind, the insanity of the first drink, and the phenomenon of craving. During the year I found I could not overcome those things on my own, try as I might. I had hoped to be a special type of alcoholic who could sort it out on my own, but found I was a real alcoholic as described in the big book.

These days the term real alcoholic has a much broader meaning and seems to include those who can stop on their own power. Perhaps it would be more accurate to say that I was a hopeless alcoholic.

I remember the exact place, hour, situation. I was at work and noticed that in my mind the road home (and where to stop for a bottle of whisky) seemed more important than the complex task at hand. It was June 2002.

But yeah, knowing vs acknowledging, that took me exactly 10 years (and 2 sural nerves...).

Rationalizing the drinking was another huge red flag. I thought I had reasons to drink.

Eventually the reasons evolved into the cycle of I drank because I was sick and tired and I was sick and tired because I drank. reasoning and rationalizations turned into dependency.

And man, isn't it true that drinking gives you more reasons to drink. Drinking caused terrible stress which was solved by more drinking.

Damn, that cycle was hard to break but so worth it.

On a trip to the library...
 

When one fine sunny morning, albeit I'd been drinking for years I was hit by such an overwhelming need, desire, whatever for a drink that had such immediate impact that I had to rush from the building, visit an off-licence, buy 4 cans of super strong lager, my 'drug of choice'. All within a short walking distance of each other.

Go home and drink all four at once to gain some respite...I knew then that I had no longer any control over my life and was in the grip of an addiction, I could neither understand or even less control. No matter how good my intentions were when I awoke that morning...

A stark contrast to the fact that now just short of seven years sober, alcohol, whilst I'm obviously aware of it's existence plays no part in my balanced against my awareness that I suffer and will always do, the disease/illness of alcoholism, of which alcohol is just a symptom.

when I tried to blame my fatty liver, driving in a blackout, passing out frequently on other causes & continued to drink anyhow!..now 10 months sober despite this crazy thinking. I have learnt how sneaky this disease is, denying all the negative effects just to keep drinking.

Became a Alcoholic, When I almost lost everything and I just admitted I was 9 days ago... Have not had drop since.. Nothing was doing good when I drink Alcohol...

In hind sight, that being 20/20, when I started wondering if I was.

I guess only when I finally quit for good. None of the increasingly negative consequences that happened especially in the final year were enough. And up to the end of my final 3-week drunk that left me vomiting and hallucinating with astronomical blood pressure in detox, I was convinced I could still control my drinking if I wanted to - I just didn't want to, and I wasn't "ready". Something clicked at the end, somehow, and it became obvious even to my pickled brain that I was at a turning point, it was either climb back out of the hole I was in or lose everything and just die in misery. My own addicted voice was very loud and very convincing.

I think my drinking was not normal right from the start. Always drank to get ****-drunk and to escape reality or some unpleasant feelings or thoughts. But once I started drinking on my own more and more regularly (at 17 or 18) I knew that I was in trouble. Now I'm nearly 24 and this is my first serious attempt to get better, but I've known for quite some time that I can't do it on my own.

When I found myself wanting a drink first thing I got home from work, every day. That was quite a few years before I finally quit.

I cant remember really, I think it was perhaps the 7th time I went to the drunk tank. Perhaps it was the 4th car I totalled in a drunken crash. Maybe it was the 10th girlfriend I lost due to my drinking, It might have been the first time I went to prison for multiple DUI's, could have been when I went to the federal penitentiary for a drunken crash causing death. It might have been my first AA meeting, or 29th meeting. Might have been when I did Step One out of the book.

Like others, I've known for years but found it difficult to admit.

I knew and admitted that I was an alcoholic from the time that I was 19 but when I was 46 I "looked up" and realized that I was surrounded by a bunch of drunks and that I couldn't stand their behavior anymore. The BS was just too much for me. I had to tap out. I have a family and a life that needs to be attended to!

In jail lol

I blacked out early on at 15. I drank alone and I always wanted one more drink. I remember going online when I was in high school searching about alcoholism. I just accepted the fact. Drank until until I was 28.

When I joined this site and starting reading up on alcoholism. Yikes, I fit the bill in so many ways.

I knew I was powerless over alcohol and that my life was unmanageable but I didn't think I was an alcoholic despite lots of adverse affects due to my drinking. I didn't drink around other people because I didn't want them to think I was an alcoholic. This is classic alcoholic denial and rationalization.

One morning, like every other, I woke up after a drunk and every atom in my body screamed "I'm an alcoholic!!" It was a devastating realization but I knew I had to get help and went to AA on October 12, 1991. Haven't had a drink since, thanks to the support of the fellowship. Never could have stayed sober on my own.

Sounds just like me!
Was on here a couple years ago, I can't find my post mind you but was something along the lines of trying to moderate.

And so now I'm back.
I'm sick of the dead after wards and the blackouts.
Time I just accept the facts and deal with it.
So here goes.....