Can fear alone keep me sober?
 

Long story short...I have drank since I was about 18. It's gotten way out of control in the last year. Got a DUI a month ago, my husband is so upset with me and I may get kicked out of my program at school.

Getting a DUI was awful. The whole process of a DUI is AWFUL! My husband and my family were shocked, this is totally unlike me. But I was also hiding my drinking very well. I am scared to death. Alcohol is not worth all of this. It's not worth losing my husband, it's not worth losing the career I'm working so hard towards. My lawyer and a substance abuse counselor he sent me to told me to immediately get to AA meetings. They have helped, a little. I'll be honest, I'm not fully investing myself to the program. I don't really like to share all my personal feelings and business with strangers. But it has been helpful to go listen to other people. I am also having a really hard time with a higher power and "turning things over to a higher power" like they want you to do in AA. I feel like I am totally responsible for my actions and I guess I'm a bit of a control freak because I can't just turn my life and my decisions over to something I don't believe in.

I guess what I'm hoping will get me through all this mess is just being scared to death and realizing I really could mess up my entire life if I continue drinking the way I have. I have been sober for 30 days now, and that is huge for me. I know there are other programs I could look in to. AA isn't the only thing out there. I'm just wondering if anyone else just quit out of pure fear and smartened up on their own?

For me,no matter how bad things got,no matter what I did or said,the shame,guilt,embarrassment, the memories do fade over time.You will feel better and then it's easy to drink again.I need something more. I don't go to AA but am reading Rational Recovery:AVRT-it takes a more control it yourself approach which might suit you more than the powerless concept

And SR of course keeps me sober.I'm in the December 2012 class,under daily threads-come and join us for support(as you stopped in December ) Its full of people who quit at the sametime (I'm 26 days) :)

I had a lot of fear, but it wasn't of picking up a drink and what I might lose, it was of quitting and how I would live without the bottle!

Fear fades with time and our addictions are so strong and patient, they lie in wait until we feel stronger and more confident again.

Speaking for myself, I couldn't have quit on fear alone, no. I would have convinced myself at some point that my fear was imagined and I could drink again.

I'm in AA, but if it isn't for you, I would arm myself with as much knowledge and understanding of addiction as I could. Look up AVRT. Go look at the secular forum, there are lots of ideas.

Best wishes to you x

I quit without AA I didnt go to AA till i had been sober a year. AA isnt exactly a requirement. that being said I wish i would have gone to AA sooner. It would have made my life easier. But each person is different. Me being a religious person to a degree realize that I have to take the proper steps in my life to make the right choices. Some of the consequences of my bad choices could be seen as a way the higher power is offering some correction or discipline to me to wisen up and straighten my path. To that point I realize I dont exactly have control of everything and in this case a biggie is control of my drinking habit so its easier to simply not drink.

And yes fear is a big motivating factor keeping me sober. I'm terrified to pick it up again. I know where that path will take me and i know how out of control and quickly out of control it can get. I've heard others in AA say fear also motivates them to. So I guess we are not alone.

I think Fear should be one of many motivational things to keep you in line. Whatever it takes ya know.

I dont go to AA all the time. and sometimes i go just to listen and be reminded of where i came from and where i'm headed too. All at that table theres folks with 1 day too 20+ years with a story to tell. Each one has something they share that helps me stay on the right road and realize i'm making a good decision to stay sober.

Being a religious person I cant in my right my conciensce tell you to skip the higher power aspect as I think it helps. But out of respect for your beliefs no one says you gotta change your beliefs on aaccount of AA. Stay sober is what matters most keep in mind if you decide to head down the route of believing in a higher power etc.. its also another helpful option available.
Congrats on the 30 days!

Fear worked *great* for me in stopping drinking initially...
but even tho I nearly died, unbelievably by 90 days or so later that fear had faded....

I'm glad I had other stuff in place to get me through those rough times when my fear dissipated, Sunnybird.

D

Sunny, I am with you. I was on the brink of losing everything, and went to treatment for a couple weeks. They pushed for AA meetings and I went a couple times a week, but it just did not do everything I thought they would. I haven't been to one in a month, but I do have a church recovery group I go to 3 times a month. I think it is the "game" of showing people that you can do it that is pushing me, otherwise I would've had a drink a long time ago. Definitely reading and hearing other peoples stories rocked my boat and make me strive harder than before. The hard days are the worst, but if you keep your head down and run through that pressure, the reward will be awesome! Believe me, my relationship with my wife (every aspect) is the greatest I have ever had! Keep it up, Do good, Be great, Enjoy life!

All people are different. Your method could work just fine.

Not to get too specific but the fear will go away as others have said. I have seen and even personally experienced some pretty scary things and no matter what the fear part fades and we forget- humans are pretty much programmed to forget as a defense mechanism so you can eventually get back to normal life. Unfortunately in this case it would be nice in a way if the fear could stick around but it wont.

It seems horrible now but you will slowly pay the bills/lawyer/fines/court costs, you will settle into the classes or whatever they give you and you'd be surprised but you will probably be laughing about the DUI part in a few months. Wanting to get sober for yourself is going to be the focus.

Hi Sunny. Lots of people have quit on their own. Try browsing through some posts in the secular connections in this forum. It might inspire you.

Fear goes a long ways but judging by the number of people who have multiple DUIs, arrests, divorces, job losses, etc the fear wears off

If it works, do it!

Being a control freak is exactly why you should go to AA ;)

Read the Big Book even if you don't fancy sticking around AA, and also look into stuff like AVRT and SMART. It won't do you any harm.

Personally it took be a surprisingly short period of time to forget all the sh;t alcohol put me through.

To answer your question no AA is not a requirement. There are lots of programs to help you stop drinking or you could go no program. You mentioned you're seeing a substance abuse counselor so this will also contribute to your sobriety. Sobriety is a journey not a destination. What is working for you today, may not work for you tomorrow. Just remember to stay vigilant and listen to what your body is telling you it needs. Try looking for these books, it could help in your recovery:

1. Living Sober
2. The First Year of Sobriety
3. Living Sober Sucks.

AA was good for me intially, because I needed to know there were other people like me and I could interact with them. It also creates a structure for you to live. It's not a requirement that you do everything that is said, that is the members spouting all those requirements. Take what you need and leave the rest. That being said, after a while AA I grew out of AA and have decided to continue my recovery in other ways. To be dependant on a program to help maintain my sobriety is not growth for me. Having people tell me how I should live is not conducive to living an independant life. You could be different, decide what works for you.

Fear is a temporary fix for a life-long problem.

Fear didn't do anything for me to keep me sober. Any sobriety that is conditional on a situation or a feeling is temporary by definition, in my opinion.

What if that fear goes away? What if that marriage ends for other reasons? What if I become unemployed and don't have a job anyway? What if I suffer a spiritual crisis or my mental health is shaken? What if I become convinced that I have been abandoned by my Creator, or that He does not exist? What then? Will I drink?

For me, the only answer was to make the solemn commitment that I will never drink again, no matter what. That ability can only come from one source, and that is from me. I decided to do it, and I did.

I think the original two members put it like this.

Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path.

You can follow any path you want...I followed theirs. The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking....The steps are a suggestion....But it's the only suggestion they have. One of the things I found out about myself working that program...Was fear was the main contributor to keeping me drinking for so long...Go figure.

Thanks everyone for the great responses. I think I already knew that fear would only get me so far. I got my DUI exactly 31 days ago and I'm not as scared now and I was then. I guess I can already feel it fading.

I guess I just need to find what's right for me. I don't think it is AA although I admire everything about AA.

Fear often works for months, sometimes even for a number of years. Most often we don't stay sufficiently scared at the proper levels.

Are you sure that's how you want to live? It sounds pretty awful to me.

You know what the nice thing about AA is Sunnybird?....If nothing else works for you...AA will be there....It ain't going anywhere...I wish you the best on stopping for good....That's the main thing.

Fear of a doomed future was helpful in opening my eyes, but wanting to stop and accepting I can never drink again was essential.

You don't share all your personal details to strangers in AA... Not At All!!

We share in a general way way it used to be like (I drank a lot, too much) ... what happened (I got in trouble with....) and what it is like now (My experience in the steps...)

There is definitely such a thing as TMI in meetings... the details are for sponsors, trusted advisors, friends...

As others have said, there are many paths to sobriety. AA has a wonderful fellowship and if you could benefit from being around others who have similar issues, then you may want to check it out. The program of AA is in the steps and you can read about it for free on the web.

I think that fear is a lot like pain. Both can get your attention, but after the initial onslaught, the memory begins to fade a bit. It is hard to remember fear and pain in the long term. Both can get you to change your behavior and that is a good start.

I think you need to find a way to become content in your sobriety. I am now, but it took a lot of strange twists and turns to get there. Reading and posting here have really helped me in my sobriety, but what got me sober was to stop drinking. And no one else could do that for me. It took a while to be happy in my new sober state, but I am now.

Congratulations on the 30 days.

I lost everything through drink and once I started to pick up the pieces I guess fear of losing the little I had gained back was the kickstart to get my ass into gear and do something about giving up drinking. I doubt fear alone would now keep me stopped but it certainly is one of the factors amongst others.

Keep doing what you are doing and if you are anything like me you will learn the reasons you drank in the first place. Funny enough for me fear was a reason I drank, so I doubt fear alone would keep me sober.

Fear helped me through the early days because my family was fed up with me and my health was a mess. But, fear can't keep you going long term, in my opinion.

I hope you find a way to stay sober that works for you. I have used books and SR and that's what helped me. The main thing is to recover, no matter how you do it.

The only things that have kept me sober are my sponsor, home group, fellowship, helping newcomers, making calls, posting on here, going to meetings, praying, and working the steps of AA. All of these things combined have kept me sober. Fear of losing my job was what got me back into AA and this time I was going to get sober for me -- not because of my family. However, today a lot of those fears have subsided and I really do believe that it's OK to drink again sometimes. Those are the times that I need to be doing the things listed above.

So to answer your question, yes, it can keep you sober for a period of time, but hopefully it will only keep you sober long enough so that you can figure out a recovery program that works for you. AA has worked well for me so far even if I don't want to be a part of it some days. But once I take action, 10 times out of 10 I always feel better and don't have a desire to pick up for today.

"Remember we deal with alcohol, cunning, baffling, powerful"...and patient.

I don't think that fear alone will keep an alcoholic sober, but it could serve as the turning point that opens your minds to other outlets that have a much higher success rate of keeping people sober.

I hope this is your turning point.
Zube

Fear has kept me sober for over 21 years. In 1991 I took a huge quantity of Valium -- in a blackout! Rushed to the hospital, my stomach pumped, they kept me for three days. To this day I have no idea WHY I tried to die. That experience -- coupled with the knowledge I could drink again -- has kept me going to meetings for over two decades.

But fear alone won't work because denial and rationalization are a big part of our psyche. Honestly, if you want to stay sober go to AA, get a sponsor and do 90/90 meetings. The disease of alcoholism is progressive and "cunning, baffling and powerful" as the Big Book says. It's actions that count, words mean little.

I took all my Valium and the wife's Valium in a premeditated suicide attempt in 1989. Didn't quite have enough .....

All I knew in early recovery was fear. Fear that AA wouldn't work.... and fear that it would.

It took me probably 3 yrs to begin to look at the 12 Steps as an opportunity rather than a penalty, then things started to get better.

Can fear keep you sober?? ... maybe. But that would be a heck of a way to live.

I have a healthy fear of alcohol today (along with hot stove tops, J-walking and French kissing cobras) and a great program of recovery to keep me sober, sane and serene. Today I have choices.

All the best.

Bob R

Hi Sunnybird,

FEAR worked for me. Did not like AA for the same reasons you had. Did work with an addiction specialist. Sober now for 25 years, never relapsed---all out of FEAR

The Fear of dying a drunk and the fear of not being able to stop again if I relapsed.

See how far Fear gets you--if you need help though please get it.

Trix

Got your answer to whether fear was a recovery tool or not. You are back to day one. Are you willing, not, to consider what helps more than fear?