Notices

Can fear alone keep me sober?

Old 01-02-2013, 11:48 AM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 44
Can fear alone keep me sober?

Long story short...I have drank since I was about 18. It's gotten way out of control in the last year. Got a DUI a month ago, my husband is so upset with me and I may get kicked out of my program at school.

Getting a DUI was awful. The whole process of a DUI is AWFUL! My husband and my family were shocked, this is totally unlike me. But I was also hiding my drinking very well. I am scared to death. Alcohol is not worth all of this. It's not worth losing my husband, it's not worth losing the career I'm working so hard towards. My lawyer and a substance abuse counselor he sent me to told me to immediately get to AA meetings. They have helped, a little. I'll be honest, I'm not fully investing myself to the program. I don't really like to share all my personal feelings and business with strangers. But it has been helpful to go listen to other people. I am also having a really hard time with a higher power and "turning things over to a higher power" like they want you to do in AA. I feel like I am totally responsible for my actions and I guess I'm a bit of a control freak because I can't just turn my life and my decisions over to something I don't believe in.

I guess what I'm hoping will get me through all this mess is just being scared to death and realizing I really could mess up my entire life if I continue drinking the way I have. I have been sober for 30 days now, and that is huge for me. I know there are other programs I could look in to. AA isn't the only thing out there. I'm just wondering if anyone else just quit out of pure fear and smartened up on their own?
Sunnybird03 is offline  
Old 01-02-2013, 12:03 PM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Guest
 
ReadyAtLast's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 7,097
For me,no matter how bad things got,no matter what I did or said,the shame,guilt,embarrassment, the memories do fade over time.You will feel better and then it's easy to drink again.I need something more. I don't go to AA but am reading Rational Recovery:AVRT-it takes a more control it yourself approach which might suit you more than the powerless concept

And SR of course keeps me sober.I'm in the December 2012 class,under daily threads-come and join us for support(as you stopped in December ) Its full of people who quit at the sametime (I'm 26 days)
ReadyAtLast is offline  
Old 01-02-2013, 12:25 PM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Member
 
Jeni26's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
Posts: 8,008
I had a lot of fear, but it wasn't of picking up a drink and what I might lose, it was of quitting and how I would live without the bottle!

Fear fades with time and our addictions are so strong and patient, they lie in wait until we feel stronger and more confident again.

Speaking for myself, I couldn't have quit on fear alone, no. I would have convinced myself at some point that my fear was imagined and I could drink again.

I'm in AA, but if it isn't for you, I would arm myself with as much knowledge and understanding of addiction as I could. Look up AVRT. Go look at the secular forum, there are lots of ideas.

Best wishes to you x
Jeni26 is offline  
Old 01-02-2013, 12:27 PM
  # 4 (permalink)  
zjw
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,229
I quit without AA I didnt go to AA till i had been sober a year. AA isnt exactly a requirement. that being said I wish i would have gone to AA sooner. It would have made my life easier. But each person is different. Me being a religious person to a degree realize that I have to take the proper steps in my life to make the right choices. Some of the consequences of my bad choices could be seen as a way the higher power is offering some correction or discipline to me to wisen up and straighten my path. To that point I realize I dont exactly have control of everything and in this case a biggie is control of my drinking habit so its easier to simply not drink.

And yes fear is a big motivating factor keeping me sober. I'm terrified to pick it up again. I know where that path will take me and i know how out of control and quickly out of control it can get. I've heard others in AA say fear also motivates them to. So I guess we are not alone.

I think Fear should be one of many motivational things to keep you in line. Whatever it takes ya know.

I dont go to AA all the time. and sometimes i go just to listen and be reminded of where i came from and where i'm headed too. All at that table theres folks with 1 day too 20+ years with a story to tell. Each one has something they share that helps me stay on the right road and realize i'm making a good decision to stay sober.

Being a religious person I cant in my right my conciensce tell you to skip the higher power aspect as I think it helps. But out of respect for your beliefs no one says you gotta change your beliefs on aaccount of AA. Stay sober is what matters most keep in mind if you decide to head down the route of believing in a higher power etc.. its also another helpful option available.
Congrats on the 30 days!
zjw is offline  
Old 01-02-2013, 12:30 PM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Administrator
 
Dee74's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,043
Fear worked *great* for me in stopping drinking initially...
but even tho I nearly died, unbelievably by 90 days or so later that fear had faded....

I'm glad I had other stuff in place to get me through those rough times when my fear dissipated, Sunnybird.

D
Dee74 is offline  
Old 01-02-2013, 12:31 PM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Member
 
rPdopn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Columbia
Posts: 22
Sunny, I am with you. I was on the brink of losing everything, and went to treatment for a couple weeks. They pushed for AA meetings and I went a couple times a week, but it just did not do everything I thought they would. I haven't been to one in a month, but I do have a church recovery group I go to 3 times a month. I think it is the "game" of showing people that you can do it that is pushing me, otherwise I would've had a drink a long time ago. Definitely reading and hearing other peoples stories rocked my boat and make me strive harder than before. The hard days are the worst, but if you keep your head down and run through that pressure, the reward will be awesome! Believe me, my relationship with my wife (every aspect) is the greatest I have ever had! Keep it up, Do good, Be great, Enjoy life!
rPdopn is offline  
Old 01-02-2013, 12:33 PM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: minneapilis, minn
Posts: 2
All people are different. Your method could work just fine.
sandybranch is offline  
Old 01-02-2013, 12:40 PM
  # 8 (permalink)  
Member
 
Ohio1's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Chicago Burbs- Illinois
Posts: 202
Not to get too specific but the fear will go away as others have said. I have seen and even personally experienced some pretty scary things and no matter what the fear part fades and we forget- humans are pretty much programmed to forget as a defense mechanism so you can eventually get back to normal life. Unfortunately in this case it would be nice in a way if the fear could stick around but it wont.

It seems horrible now but you will slowly pay the bills/lawyer/fines/court costs, you will settle into the classes or whatever they give you and you'd be surprised but you will probably be laughing about the DUI part in a few months. Wanting to get sober for yourself is going to be the focus.
Ohio1 is offline  
Old 01-02-2013, 12:41 PM
  # 9 (permalink)  
Member
 
Artoro's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 82
Hi Sunny. Lots of people have quit on their own. Try browsing through some posts in the secular connections in this forum. It might inspire you.
Artoro is offline  
Old 01-02-2013, 12:56 PM
  # 10 (permalink)  
A Day at a Time
 
MIRecovery's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
Fear goes a long ways but judging by the number of people who have multiple DUIs, arrests, divorces, job losses, etc the fear wears off
MIRecovery is offline  
Old 01-02-2013, 12:58 PM
  # 11 (permalink)  
~sb
 
sugarbear1's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,951
If it works, do it!
sugarbear1 is offline  
Old 01-02-2013, 01:06 PM
  # 12 (permalink)  
Member
 
hypochondriac's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 5,678
Being a control freak is exactly why you should go to AA

Read the Big Book even if you don't fancy sticking around AA, and also look into stuff like AVRT and SMART. It won't do you any harm.

Personally it took be a surprisingly short period of time to forget all the sh;t alcohol put me through.
hypochondriac is offline  
Old 01-02-2013, 01:36 PM
  # 13 (permalink)  
High on Life
 
TheEnd's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Been to Hell and Back
Posts: 1,157
To answer your question no AA is not a requirement. There are lots of programs to help you stop drinking or you could go no program. You mentioned you're seeing a substance abuse counselor so this will also contribute to your sobriety. Sobriety is a journey not a destination. What is working for you today, may not work for you tomorrow. Just remember to stay vigilant and listen to what your body is telling you it needs. Try looking for these books, it could help in your recovery:

1. Living Sober
2. The First Year of Sobriety
3. Living Sober Sucks.

AA was good for me intially, because I needed to know there were other people like me and I could interact with them. It also creates a structure for you to live. It's not a requirement that you do everything that is said, that is the members spouting all those requirements. Take what you need and leave the rest. That being said, after a while AA I grew out of AA and have decided to continue my recovery in other ways. To be dependant on a program to help maintain my sobriety is not growth for me. Having people tell me how I should live is not conducive to living an independant life. You could be different, decide what works for you.
TheEnd is offline  
Old 01-02-2013, 01:43 PM
  # 14 (permalink)  
Laozi Old Man
 
Boleo's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Detroit, MI
Posts: 6,665
Fear is a temporary fix for a life-long problem.
Boleo is offline  
Old 01-02-2013, 01:54 PM
  # 15 (permalink)  
Self recovered Self discovered
 
freshstart57's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Toronto Canada
Posts: 5,148
Fear didn't do anything for me to keep me sober. Any sobriety that is conditional on a situation or a feeling is temporary by definition, in my opinion.

What if that fear goes away? What if that marriage ends for other reasons? What if I become unemployed and don't have a job anyway? What if I suffer a spiritual crisis or my mental health is shaken? What if I become convinced that I have been abandoned by my Creator, or that He does not exist? What then? Will I drink?

For me, the only answer was to make the solemn commitment that I will never drink again, no matter what. That ability can only come from one source, and that is from me. I decided to do it, and I did.
freshstart57 is offline  
Old 01-02-2013, 02:08 PM
  # 16 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
Originally Posted by TheEnd View Post
It's not a requirement that you do everything that is said, that is the members pouting all those requirements.
I think the original two members put it like this.

Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path.

You can follow any path you want...I followed theirs. The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking....The steps are a suggestion....But it's the only suggestion they have. One of the things I found out about myself working that program...Was fear was the main contributor to keeping me drinking for so long...Go figure.
Sapling is offline  
Old 01-02-2013, 02:21 PM
  # 17 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 44
Thanks everyone for the great responses. I think I already knew that fear would only get me so far. I got my DUI exactly 31 days ago and I'm not as scared now and I was then. I guess I can already feel it fading.

I guess I just need to find what's right for me. I don't think it is AA although I admire everything about AA.
Sunnybird03 is offline  
Old 01-02-2013, 02:25 PM
  # 18 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Des Moines IA
Posts: 377
Fear often works for months, sometimes even for a number of years. Most often we don't stay sufficiently scared at the proper levels.

Are you sure that's how you want to live? It sounds pretty awful to me.
hamabi is offline  
Old 01-02-2013, 02:28 PM
  # 19 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
You know what the nice thing about AA is Sunnybird?....If nothing else works for you...AA will be there....It ain't going anywhere...I wish you the best on stopping for good....That's the main thing.
Sapling is offline  
Old 01-02-2013, 02:31 PM
  # 20 (permalink)  
Member
 
Xune's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 929
Fear of a doomed future was helpful in opening my eyes, but wanting to stop and accepting I can never drink again was essential.
Xune is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 12:14 PM.