I can't do this anymore
 

I am typing this on my phone because my computer crapped out so try and bear with any crazy auto corrects

I'm trying to keep it all together but i just can't do it anymore. I got involved with an addict who was just arrested for the umpteenth time in his life and 2nd time since April

It screwed up everything in my life. I lost friends my self respect my sanity. I did irreversible damage to my relationship with my family and I started lying to everyone including myself about how I felt about him and about who he was and even secretely started dating him after he was arrested for the first time while we were together

I've always used alcohol to cope as you all know but dealing with the stress of being with an addict brought it to a new level now that he is in jail it is worse than ever. But I've spent so much time lying to everyone about everything that no one knows how much I'm struggling

I'm trying to deal with his arrest and my alcoholism and being in graduate school in a city where I don't know anyone and feel completely isolated and alone and I just can't do it.

I am 24 but financially dependent on my parents because too much of a lose and a mess to take care of myself. They warned me not to get involved with my EXABF but I did it anyway and now here we are. They warned me that he would ruin my life

And they were right cos here I am with all the opportunity in the world and potential to actually do something with my life and I can't get though a damn day without drinking I can't find the motivation to get out of bed let alone what it takes to be in graduate school

But I don't know how to tell anyone in my life any of this I am at a point whee my depression and drinking is so bad I literally cannot function but I don't know how to ask for or get the help I need

I truly do not think i am emotionally capable of being in graduate school and part of me is afraid of what I might do if I continue to pretend everything is okay but I don't know how to tell my parents that I just can't do this that they've wasted thousands on a loser who just isn't capable of being half of the woman they want me to be how to tell them I've been lying for so long and I just can't do it anymore

Truth is I need some kind of program but am terrified of their reaction and have no idea how to express any of this to them

I'm sorry for your dire troubles, FenwayFaithful. It is an awesome challenge to come to grips with ourselves when we decide we have had enough and we want to quit drinking and live our lives sans alcohol and happily productive and free.

When I finally quit, I had a plan to do a detox, and a rehab stay, and a program, and just keep doing it right to get away from my drinking. It took me three months, and I graduated from the rehab, and i've been sober since through any and all good and bad times now for many years.

I too drank away opportunities, and I was a disapointment while drinking... which really means i had good reason to stop, lol.

I think if you work with your parents the idea that you need to get free from alcohol NOW and NOT LATER, and that you have solid plans to do so and follow up with then returning to your studies eventually, you'll have them understanding your challenges with their own sense of insight into their beloved daughter.

You know they love you, and so, let them love you as you are now being challenged, and not just as if you've already failed them so much that there is no room for love and forgiveness. I'm sure they want you to be free from alcohol if alcohol is your ruination...

As for the boyfriend...

you don't need the trouble, you know?

do what is right, and then take another look at yourself, and do some more right, and another look as you progress, and I'm sure you'll see that your ex needs to be in your past and not in your future...

I hope you do have a heart to heart with your parents ASAP.

FF,
Good to see you back. If you truly believe you need outside help, such as rehab, please tell your parents. Or is there a school counselor you can talk to? I know you had trouble finding AA meetings there, but maybe the school can point you to some support group.

Your last post was riddled with shame and you really wanted to stop drinking. It will be hard doing it alone, with everything else you have going on. You must find help

Fen you can make this right.

You are 24!
You have the chance of being brilliant.
You do not need to be with someone like this.

Fast forward 10 years and you are still with him..
Your worries might be is he in jail? Has he spent all the money on drugs and how will we pay rent? Where is he, has he overdosed?

THAT IS NO WAY TO LIVE.
YOU DESERVE BETTER.

How are you going to feel when all your friends and people of the same age are celebrating milestones, achievements, wealth and health?
New marriages, new babies, new home, fabulous holidays?
In 10 years time, this situation with him will be tedious and tiring.
I should imagine you will resent him hugely for your life turning out the way it has.

Put yourself in your parents shoes.... if you had a child and she was doing what your doing, how would you feel? Do you think she deserved better? Could you predict how life might turn out? Would you want this for her?

24 is no age and you are lucky to have your parents.
Use this time to keep your head down, work hard and build for your future.

You have no children together.
You have no ties.
When you have ties it is not easy to leave, be free and live how you want to live.

Moping around and thinking of him and all the feelings that go with this will not help your drinking.

Does this make any sense?

fenway, yer only gonna attract someone as sick as yerself and until you make getting sober the most important thing in yer life, nothig else is gonna matter. i think if you look at where you are now, you will see that is happening.

how i got the help was to go to an AA meeeting. when it was my time to share, which i didnt hav to, i said," im tom. im an alcoholic and i cant take it anymore." its all i could say and i broke down. i didnt have to say any more. the ones there that went before me knew.
i highly suggeststart goin to AA and open up. it is free and the help is tremendous. i knew that my thinkin got me where i was so my thinkin wasnt gonna help anymore. dont compare the drinkin thing. listen for the thinkin thing, get phone numbers, call people in recovery, get a big book, get a sponsor, and work the steps. give it T.I.M.E. and you will get weller. it works if ya work it so work it yer worth it!
alcohol is but a symptom of a much deeper problem.
IMO, dump the boyfriend and get a better higher power, one that will help you with your problems.

Fens, call your mother, just tell her what you told us. One step at a time.
make an appt. To meet with your faculty advisor, see what he/she recommends to get an excused absence to continue in the course next semester so you dont lose the tuition.
i work with off cycle students all the time.
If you stop drinking today, you can start to get off the crazy train. Get a new phone number and quit talking to this guy on your dime while hes in jail.
if you really want a fresh new wonderful life, you gotta do the work too.
find one thing you are grateful for everyday and build on it, one thing.
Concentrate on just staying sober today.

Fenway, you are talking to people here who have been where you are, the despair and self loathing you describe were constant companions for me too.

Here's the thing. You have power inside you that is limited only by your imagination. Visualize the person you know that you are. Understand that your past does not control you today. You can flip this around right now.

Grab a pen and paper, and write down what you would advise someone else to do, and then do it!

FF, hugs. You are in a spot, but not an impossible spot by any means. Please please do NOT let shame, guilt or regret stop you from doing what is best for you and everyone you love.

Consider this. If you had a friend who was in the exact situation you are, would you want them to come clean and get help and create an awesome life?

I'm a parent of kids your age. Trust me, they would rather (even if they freak a little at first) have you do what it takes to make your life work.

Alcoholism is a medical issue. If you had any other medical issue you or your parents would probably not hesitate to drop everything else and address it before it got any worse, before it got deadly. This is the same thing, there may be layers of shame etc involved, but under it all, it's the same.

My ex husband is a professor, and it's not uncommon for his students to take a "time out" of their education to deal with situations exactly like yours, and the profs and schools work with them...many of the profs and admins have struggled themselves or have loved ones who are facing what you face. They want their students to succeed.

Talk to someone at the school, do you have an advisor? they can tell you what needs to be taken care of as far as putting your schooling on hold for a little while. Often there is someone at the school who can direct you towards svcs and may be able to sit down with you AND your parents (if that's appropirate) and help everyone understand what's going on.

And please stay close to us here at SR, no shame or guilt required here, but lots of understanding, encouragement and support.

Here, here.

AA is how what I thought nearly the worst thing that could ever happen to me has become one of the greatest gifts of my life. This journey is about far, far more than just not drinking.

If you've got the willingness to go to any lengths for your recovery, the solution that has worked miracles for me is also within your reach.

If you have a chance, google search AAs 9th step promises. See if they appeal to you. They are written out of experience not opinion. The instructions on how to achieve them are given in the Big Book. If you are looking for a program maybe its worth looking into.
Best wishes!

Fens, i work with medical students (some are doing MD/PhD program). Getting an Excused Absence to take a semester off for illness won't ruin anything for school. you'll do better to go this route if you are overwhelmed and can't concentrate right now. they can adjust your schedule and you can flex the year.

the most important thing right now is to stop self-medicating with booze cos it is making things look WORSE and contributing to your depression and anxiety. you will feel tremendous relief when you take a step towards getting control of your life.

When drinking turned me into a depressed sodden woman
I detested is when I connected to AA...:yup:

Yes you too can win ..:hug:

Sorry for the delay in response.

I’ve been trying to deal with the stress of everyday occurrences which includes money problems after having to buy a computer and now trying to find a job. And actually trying to give a crap about this essay I have to write when it honestly all feels pointless. I can’t seem to get my new laptop to connect to the internet, probably because it’s a 250 dollar piece of junk so I need to actually go to campus in order to access the internet.
I haven’t yet gone to AA. With my current state of mind what little focus and motivation I am able to muster has to be spent working on this rather important paper I have due Monday. I honestly couldn’t care less about school. I feel like I’m just going through the motions. I tell myself okay today you’re going to write a section of your essay because it’s due Monday and that’s what you have to do. Just going through the motions like some kind of zombie.
At least I’ve been able to control my drinking to an extent because I know I need to get this paper done. I know if I don’t I will just bury myself further into this hole I’ve dug myself in since getting involved with my EXABF and since I started going through an handle of Rubinoff a week.
Anyway, I tried to talk to my Mother but it turned into an argument. She blamed my EXABF, started talking about how she warned me this would happen, brought up the issues I had in 2009 when my first Ex broke my heart and what I put them through then and that they warned me that if I stuck around I would get hurt and ruin my life and how I didn’t listen and now I am paying the consequence and how he’s the scum of the Earth and the reason I don’t have any friends in this town and how I am irresponsible and never make the right choices or do the right thing, and how I can’t be trusted to make the right decision for myself. I can’t really argue with her on any of that, because she’s right. I don’t t think she can be blamed for her frustration or anger.
She said that I just to stop lying around my room and get out of the house and get a job that will allow me to meet good people not just sitting around talking to “God knows who online” and how I need to stop playing the poor me game and suck it up and realize I am paying for the consequences of my mistakes with my EXABF, rise to the challenge and realize how much better of I am without him and how dropping out of graduate school will only make everything worse and how look at all the money we spent on you already, do you know how much money we will lose in rent and tuition and what are you going to do if you take the semester off just sit in your room all day feeling sorry for a criminal? And how it would only make matters worse and I would probably never go back go graduate school and I’d just be happy making 12 dollars an hour living in Dorchester in a rooming house with a drug addict.
She doesn’t seem to understand that taking time off doesn’t about want to have no responsibility; it’s about getting to the point where I can handle the responsibility. Anyway after a 30 minute lecture about what a disappointment I am and guilt trips about how much they’ve given up to support my education after the mere suggestion of taking time off to work things out I didn’t really feel comfortable going into detail about the exact nature of my problems.
She obviously isn’t going to be particularly sympathetic or supportive of me getting help if it means leaving school and them losing money, and I can’t really blame her for that. Anyway the therapist I’m seeing here is only short term, my school doesn’t offer anything beyond this and she agrees and insists I need a referral to someone who can provide me with more long term services, but I honestly can’t afford that as it wouldn’t be through my university and I’d have to pay for it.
I guess what I’ll have to do is just try and power through for now. Start to attend AA on regular basis, maybe actually get a job…try and handle school work the best I can…it just all seems so overwhelming and impossible but maybe if I just take it day by day….I don’t know.
I just feel so alone and isolated. It’s my biggest issue. If I could just find a way to not feel that way, all of this would be easier to deal with. Because it is that that is causing me to feel so incredibly depressed and therefore drink as much as I have been.
I'm not really sure how to feel better or what the first step needs to be. I suppose I need to start with cutting off all contact with the EXABF but that isn't going to make me feel any better.

PS- I did mention that I wanted to get into some sort of program but she dismissed the idea as ridiculous rather quickly.

I'm hearing that you're away from the exABF. 1 problem solved.

You say you don't know how to ask for help - seems like you're doing just fine. Getting on SR is a great 1st step. My opinion is that your 2nd should be AA, but there's also SMART and AVRT. Others can speak to them. The one that worked for me was AA.

Went to meetings where there were others .just. .like. .me. to talk to, to ask for help.

Got lots of phone numbers so I could call them to talk about my alcoholism whenever I felt the cravings. If I was talking to them, I wasn't drinking.

Got into the steps of AA and cleaned up my degenerate life. OK. Mostly. Some say I'm still somewhat crazy. Mom used to tell me, If you keep making faces like that, your face will freeze that way and you'll be stuck with it. I expect the crazyness is similar.

BTW - I know a young lady, locally here that came into AA in a similar mess. She put herself through University. Then landed an excellent job. So I know it's possible. Now you do too.

You have to take a deep breath and handle what you can handle. Like another said coming here asking for help is a good first start. its something YOU need to do and mom and dad may not be able to coddle you through it or help as much as say AA could or something.

You have to find balance in your life and take on the things you can handle and not take on the things that you cannot.

What I mean by that is while I was drinking i was practicly superman I could take on anything and drink the stress away. After I quit I realized my life needed to be toned down some I had to get some balance in place and only take on the problems / situations I was capable of handling and let the rest go. Some of those changes where big some not as big. I'm still restructureing so that things are easier for me to cope. I found you take away my booze you take away my ability to take on more stuff and cope with anything. The only solution since drinking was not a solution was to get more order and balance into my life and do my best to only take on the things i could handle. Realize that i'll always have problems but i can do my best to try and not create more then i can handle.

Fenway, maybe it's time to give the 'no alcohol' option a shot? Take it off the table, shut the door, remove it as an option. Separate the drinking problem from the other problems. I had a big tangle of problems at my crisis time, and I couldn't find a free end anywhere, the knot just rolled and twisted and got even more tangled the more I wrestled with it. All these things that were outside of my control seemed to conspire against me.

The day came when I decided I would address my issues sober. I told myself that even if I could not control most of my problems, bending my elbow was one that was completely under my conscious control.

After a couple of weeks, my mood lifted, my problem solving brain got to work, the anxiety and constant feeling of panic disappeared and things got a whole lot clearer for me. My biggest problems shrank as my priorities shifted back to where I knew they should be. I know that this will happen for you too when you quit the alcohol.

You will quit drinking because you can. I have confidence in you, I really do.

I am sorry your mother was not more sympathetic! As a mother myself this made me hurt for you, so a BIG HUG! I have two sons, 31 & 27. I only wished they would come to me to tell me and be honest about their problems BEFORE it was a crisis when it is easier to deal with. Good luck to you. Please accept all the advise these wise people are giving you!

I understand your fear. Ok, you just don't drink TODAY. Can you get through until midnight? Keep it simple, you can handle this. Just because the BF's life is spiraling out of control doesn't mean you have to go with him....you must take care of yourself. Have you been to AA? I hope you go now because you can do everything if you're sober.

You're smart enough to realize where the depression is coming from and what steps you can take. You are prolonging the pain and moving backward when you talk to this XBF who is in jail/prison/etc. You are giving him power (and paying for it with your hard earned $$).

If you stop drinking, you will start thinking rationally. You need to seek help for yourself, you don't want to lose the ground you've gained. You need to realize that you have opportunity in front of you, education, CHOICES and the chance to be HAPPY. Booze and the addict BF will steal this from you and grind you into the dirt. Don't let them do this. don't be a doormat. Please turn you back on the losers and remember how hard YOU have worked to get into graduate school. Be the smart woman....

You won't be able to crawl out from your depression until you stop drinking. You have to make NOT drinking #1, then you will have a clearer and stronger mind.
Your Mom sounds so unsupportive and rather unpleasant too. Ask your therapist what the logistics are in checking into inpatient, drying out, then grabbing onto a program that sounds like it suits your personality and mind-set.
Do it. Now.

Pam

In my Mom’s defense she warned me about all of this when I started dating him. She told me that he would start using again, that he would get arrested again, that he would hurt me, that I would fall apart and they would have to pick up the pieces. The reason they sent me to graduate school two hours from Boston was to get me away from him. Ironically enough I think that’s actually what kept us together longer. I was so lonely and isolated out here and he provided me with companionship that I desperately needed. I honestly think things could have been different if I was living in Boston, with my friends and working. I never really wanted this is the first place, I came to graduate school because I didn’t have a choice. But it’s a great opportunity and I’d have been a fool to turn it down and I sound like a spoiled brat complaining about the fact that I’m fortunate enough to continue my education even if I’m not sure if it’s what I want, even if I’m in a town where I don’t have a single friend… a lot of people would kill for this opportunity. So why am I not happy?

The drinking is getting worse. I take Adderall (as prescribed, I don’t abuse it) and I think perhaps that’s making my drinking worse. Adderall has always given me a crash (headache, feeling nervous, irritable etc) but it’s never quite been like this. Where I feel so incredibly depressed and useless and sad that I can’t stand it, and all I want to do is be able to talk to my EXABF. I know it’s sick and it’s twisted and everything we had was based on the lies he told me but he always seemed to know the right thing to say. I could always turn to him when I needed someone to talk to.
And now I feel like I don’t have anyone to turn to or talk to at all. I stay stuck trapped in my own head, faking a smile, sitting in the library writing a paper and researching and just wondering what the point of it all is. I still haven’t written all of this paper. I write a few paragraphs and then just cannot find the motivation to continue.
I can’t find the motivation to do anything. I’m trying not to drink I really really am and I’ve gone to two meetings and they were good. Helpful. Talked to a few members, got a newcomers packet, all that. But then I went home that night to my empty apartment watching all the other students heading out laughing with friends to parties and couples walking arm and arm down the street as I sat on my porch alone smoking a cigarette knowing that tonight would be just like last night and tomorrow night and every night for the past month.
I’d be completely alone. No one to call up and say can we go grab a coffee. No one I’d feel even remotely comfortable with saying hey I’m having a really hard time and need to talk. My self worth was so wrapped up in my relationship that now I just feel like a lost helpless child.

And the pain of losing him, the pain of my stupidity, the pain of being here alone, the complete lack of control I feel I have over my life, it’s all so overwhelming and it starts to take over and it’s unbearable so I drink cos it takes the edge off. I hate that I drink but I don’t know how else to combat that pain. I have absolutely no way of coping.

My drinking is completely out of control. I’ve gone through almost an entire handle of vodka since Wednesday. I realize how freaking sick that is. I’m average at least a handle a week. I’m not sure what that averages out to a day. Probably way too much for 115 pounds 5 foot 2, 24 year old female. I count my calories and I've been drinking three times as many calories as I've been eating. It's beyond sick and twisted.

I mean what do I need to happen, I already woke up in a strangers apartment. Do I need to wake up on the street, in the hospital, in jail? What is it that’s going to be the final straw that causes me to say enough is enough. I know drinking is only making things worse but I don’t know how else to cope. I mean sometimes I’ll be sitting there feeling so low I just think about not even wanting to exist anymore. Thinking about how I just don’t want to feel anything anymore and I am so sick of being so unhappy.

I think about everything I had going for me with my education but it all just feels like so much pressure, so much stress that I am just not in the mental state to handle. My parents were right about him. Here I am falling apart over someone who lied cheat stole manipulated me and broke my heart. And I was WARNED about this. I was told to walk away and I didn’t.

And I came here in April and you’re all telling me what I already should have known to be true but I didn’t listen. I stayed with him. I believed his lies. I believed him when he said he wasn’t using, believed him when he gave completely ridiculous reasons for not having money, trusted him when he said guys I had a really bad feeling about weren’t addicts, believed him when he told me that he didn’t commit that crime in April even tho the Police SAW him and he was arrested with a guy with the same name as his friend. How could I have been so stupid and so blind?

It’s my own fault that I am where I am. If I’d listened to ANYONE and EVERYONE then I wouldn’t be here. Maybe I’d be happy. Maybe I’d be with a guy who isn’t sitting in prison

But I didn’t so now here I am. Drinking three times as many calories as I eat, passing out not remembering half the night from before with random injuries and a hang over and I’m sure drinking is only making my depression worse but when I’m sober the feelings are full force, the grief and the helplessness and all of it are just so overwhelming and I feel trapped and drinking is the way I escape.
There’s too much stress, too many expectations, too much pressure to be something that I’m just not capable of being. My parents would lose thousands in rent alone if I leave school now. But I just don’t see how I can keep up with the demands of graduate school when I feel this low. When I’m in this much pain. I know recovery is a lot of work and I just don’t know if I’ll have the emotional or mental capacity to commit to it when I’m trying to worry about school.
I’m scared of how my parents will react if I were to actually go to a program I honestly don’t think they would ever forgive me. Me being with my ex already did irreversible damage to our relationship and if I actually do drop out and actually do have to go to a program and they do lose money…and I do prove them right I don’t know if they will ever forgive me for that.

Part of what you say makes perfect sense and part of what you say makes NO sense.

It's all in how you look at your circumstances....think about it? You have FREEDOM, a place to live and a rare opportunity to become a successful woman (idk what your major is, mine was economics which i did not complete).

you aren't going to be happy until you do some work. so WHAT if you are sitting on the porch at night by yourself???? it's nice not to have to worry about anyone else.

IDK what else to say, to you, but come back and keep posting. BE GRATEFUL for what you have. (feel free to join in on the gratitude section, even for a night of sobriety, finishing your paper, not calling your XAB or yelling at your mother. that's how you find your way. i'll have a virtual coffee with you anytime! i just want you to realize that you need to take the high road and learn from the past, not keep living in it. ******{hugs}}}}

crazy's improvement over insane, fred.:a122:

fenway, you really arent alone. you have us and a higher power with ya if ya want it.

i can understand the concern of having what it takes to get sober and study. however, there are options. i have a friend that got himself a lil too deep in studies. he was able to drop a few classes with no ramifications. it insnt going to effect his student aid. they would much rather see students lighten the load than fail a class.

why in the world do you think yer parents would have a problem with you getting help with yer problem with alcohol????


"It’s my own fault that I am where I am. If I’d listened to ANYONE and EVERYONE then I wouldn’t be here. Maybe I’d be happy. Maybe I’d be with a guy who isn’t sitting in prison ."

time to throw out the ass kickin machine. yer not a bad person yer just sick. but theres a solution if you want it.
time to stop with the "what ifs". i was 36 when i got into recovery. i made a mess of my life. actually, i didnt have a life. i was just existing. but the thing about all that so caled wasted time is that i have a ton of knowledge of what doesnt work. it has been a blessing in disguise to have been able to live 2 lives.
you can still be happy if you put int he footwork. i sure hope you want to. it was the greatest decision i ever made.
now, if you look at yer past, i am sure that having a man in yer life hasnt done anything to make you happy. the thing with us alcoholics having relationships is we only attract people as sick as ourselves.
i used to think i needed a woman to make me happy. it never worked. what i found that did help was to get a relationship with the God of my understanding and with myself, to be able to lok in the mirror and like who i see( pretty ugly, but i like him).


you can do it and life will get better. but i am sure you also know what will happen if you kep drinking. i sure hope you decide to put getting sober the #1 priority in your life. it has been an awesome journey.

Ah, Fenway, I feel so bad for you but I'm glad you came back to SR.

I've said it once before to you, but trust me, you are not seeing things clearly right now. Each and every time we turn to the booze for relief in handling how we feel, we just dig the hole deeper. Our judgement and inhibitions are in the chitter.

I know how it feels to be unable to punch your way out of a paper bag.

I had a lot of work to do to get my life straightened out. I missed a lot of opportunities. I went to therapy to try to "exorcise my demons" under the theory that if I addressed painful feelings (yup, there were tons of them) and anxiety, I would no longer drink to excess, and everything would be fine. Spoke to therapists but never really addressed MY drinking issues, and spent a lot of time talking about other people's drinking issues. And I kept drinking until the bottom fell out.

You have GOT to get alcohol out of your life.

It was when I addressed the drinking problem that things fell into place.

Don't be afraid to address it - fear keeps us locked in the madness. Be fearless.

I think everyone here will tell you to start dealing with the drinking problem, and see what is revealed after you eliminate alcohol. And then address those issues, one at a time.

Sobriety won't solve everything right now, but it is the first step in the right direction. Boyfriends, school - all temporary situations - but an investment in yourself at this juncture in your life will provide you with balance and perspective that will serve you well for all your years...

Lots of suggestions on this forum on how to do that :)

I just got back from a meeting.

And it was the best meeting I’ve been to in so long

I met a girl there around my age and she gave me her number and told me she’s just moved back to the area and any time I need a sober friend to get coffee with or to go to a meeting with please don’t hesitate to call. She told me she goes to at least one meeting every day and she’d be more than happy to go with me because she knows how scary it is to go alone as a new comer.

And then at this meeting a bunch of people came up to say welcome and that they hope I keep coming back. Sad part is the only reason I could go tonight is because my class was cancelled but the girl said a lot of the same people to meetings she’s gone to that I haven’t been to yet.

I don’t know. It felt good to be there tonight like I was somewhere that people had my back and they got it. I even talked in the meeting tonight. I didn’t say much just that I’d reached a point where my life barely even seemed like it was worth living and after I said that several people followed up to say they’d felt the same way and one guy said that if he’d made a list of what he’d wanted when he was first getting sober or when he was drinking he would have sold himself short cos he couldn’t have ever imagined himself being where he today when he wasn’t sober.

I’m going to keep going back. Keep trying to make those positive connections. It just feels so good to feel like I’m not alone. This is the first meeting I haven’t just sat in the back isolated and unnoticed and it felt really good.

I felt at home at this meeting. I felt welcomed. I felt understood. It meant so much. It might sound so stupid but...that feeling makes me want to keep going back. It makes me think that if I keep going back I can beat this.

I feel good tonight.

Sounds like it could have been your day....That's awesome!

Thanks =)

It's just such a relief to know I'm not alone. I felt so alone and isolated before.

Meetings will do that for you. Keep it up !!

All the best.

Bob R

Day 2 of being sober.

I am still considering taking the semester off. I am going to speak to my advisor and see what he thinks. I think it would be for the best as I do not feel I am in a place where I am able to give class the attention it requires. I am hoping I can get placed on some kind of medical leave. I will continue to live here and go to meetings, it's just about convincing my parents its the right thing to do...

Anyway I am feeling okay. I sort of feel like I've had a hangover for two days... very nervous and headache and stuff and so hungry! Someone at AA gave me a Snickers Bar and Twix bar because she said sweet stuff can help with cravings, I never eat stuff like that I try to stick to a pretty strict diet but I ate both of them tonight and I ate buffalo wings too I am wicked bloated and gross feeling but eating does bring me some comfort I guess it's better than the alternative.

I just really don't know what the best thing to do about school is. Trying to juggle 4 classes, two of which require me to work with a student, just seems like a bit much for right now