this is the truth. in the beginning of your recovery it may seem like staying sober is the hardest thing you've ever done but day to day life as a drunk is f***ing exhausting. you'll always have a chance for a sober life bro, you just need to decide that you want it.

This is why I came into AA. It was a week before Christmas and my brother had brought me a beautiful blue spruce. On Saturday night I decided to decorate it. Had given up red wine because it made me drunk (lol) but had two nice bottles of Bordeaux. Hey, it's red and it's Christmas. In the blink of an eye I woke up in Mount Siani Hospital strapped to a gurney, half of my face solid black from a fall. They'd pumped my stomach because I took a large quantity of Valium. I was lucky: a friend tried to reach me but couldn't. He came over and let himself in, called an ambulance.

I was in a blackout and TO THIS DAY I HAVE NO IDEA WHY I TRIED TO KILL MYSELF!!

The hospital kept me for three days on suicide watch; the psyche ward was full so I was in with regular patients. The woman in the bed next to mine had diabetes. Three times per day doctors came on rounds. "That bed is diabetes and -- pointing to me -- this is pills and alcohol"

Yea, I used to toy with the notion of killing myself too, until, that is, I came so close to dying. That was 20 years ago. I was desperate and went to AA, where I got the support I needed to stay sober. I still go to at least three meetings per week because I'm terrified of killing myself while drunk.

AA says "the only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking". I'm an agnostic and my higher power is: GOD = group of drunks. It works.

You are right to be afraid: alcoholism is progressive. For years I was drinking a magnum of wine per day, of course I had a problem. I honestly didn't think it was possible to not drink.

Hi everyone, just to clear up, I have not been taking valium with alcohol this year, so I have no tolerance to it and will not have to withdrawal from it. I was a teenager when I would take handfuls of it while drinking to knock myself out.

I saw the GP on Monday (today is Thursday) and he prescribed me 2 - 3 Valium a night and one naltrexone in the morning. I was also told to taper the alcohol, write it down in a diary, and see him again next monday.

I have noticed the Naltrexone actually is working as far as I feel I basically just 'can not be bothered' drinking as much. I have actually just chosen to go to sleep rather than continue drinking. Last night I went to bed (at 2 in the afternoon) with 3 beers and 1 can of 9% bourbon still in the fridge. This is completely a first I have never been able to leave alcohol un-touched. I woke up at 6:30pm intending to finish my drinks. I drank the can of bourbon, felt like I was basically forcing it down, then just said 'F it' and went back to bed.

This morning I woke up and started drinking my last 3 beers at 830am. I know I'm going to buy alcohol today but I plan to just purchase beer. By next Monday I plan to be down to just a 6 pack of beer. Monday after that - hopefully 3 beers.

The problem I am having is I'm drinking to escape the problems drinking has caused me in the first place. I have no desire to do anything but drink or sleep. I'm not sure if the method I have been told to use and detailed above is even acceptable to this site, I have been doing a lot of reading around here and have not found anything specifically for or against it.

Also does anybody know if it's possible to buy and download the "Under The Influence" book in e-book/pdf format, that book seems absolutely amazing.
Thanks Everyone

My goal is 100% abstinence I just have so many emotional problems which add/complicate my decision making process. I probably should have gone to in-house de-tox cause I feel I need to be taken out of my environment.

I am reading the online BB which I found a link to in these forums somewhere. I realize I will never be emotionally 'on par' so to speak without complete abstinence. Alcohol to me is the 'cause' and cure' for all my regrets.

I'm rooting for you. Thank you for sharing your story.

Are you being treated for your schizophrenia by any professionals? How does that relate to your alcoholism?

Yes, thank you for your concern. As I mentioned briefly I started developing paranoid schizophrenia at 15/16 and have been on medication for this since 16. Only at the end of last year, I had a massive deterioration in my symptoms and was hospitalized briefly and am now seeing 3 professionals, (a psychiatrist, psychiatric nurse - with experience in drug and alcohol treatment, and a GP). My meds for this condition have been changed and more or less work very well.

Though paranoia to some degree is why I drink and find it hard to remain abstinent on a daily basis. I can have very painful thoughts, which can sometimes manifest as voices and have slight delusions of reality. I can tell these symptoms apart from ACTUAL reality and know they are not happening, but can still be very discomforting.

I am curious though as to what extent other alcoholics deal with this emotional pain. Do people have thoughts they just can not seem to shake?, I have a lot of guilt and have hurt a lot of people close to me - i have no friends left (mostly by choice) and am very close to losing the last of my family...

Thank-You

so is there nobody here who has dealt with a heavy drinking problem coupled with some form of mental health issue? Common sense would seem they would go hand in hand. I would just like some feedback on my Naltrexone/tapering plan.

Please do check with your medical team about how best to proceed
We are not allowed to give such advice

Here is our SR Rule 10....

.

umm thanks a lot CarolD but I have read the forum guidelines, and I am definitely not asking for 'medical advice', only peer support. I know very well what I can/can not do with regards to my own health. Somebody asked me a question and I answered it, which in retrospect was a bad idea, as it only served to cancel whatever support I had received up until then.

That is why I quoted Rule 10...not just for you but to remind all members.

My active alcoholism slid me into depression the final 5 years I drank.
I did try various meds and used them as my doctors suggested
Not until I quit drinking did my depression lift.

No...I did not taper and No I did not use any drug for my de tox.

Sorry to know of your situation ...:hug: