New Here....
 

Well pretty recently I figured out I was an alcoholic. I never thought I had a problem until I decided to stop because I was eating too many calories. I also have an eating disorder and can go days without eating, but when it comes to alcohol I can't stop even with all the calories it contains.
There are also many other reasons I need to quit other than my weight. I have also starting drinking during the day so I can hide it from my husband. I will even drink and drive with my 3 kids in the car with makes me feel like the worst mom in the world. there are been times where I didn't even remember driving home. I tell people I am taking my kids to the park, but in all actuality it's just so i can get out of the house and drink, i end up getting alcohol and drinking it at the park.
My husband knows I drink at night, but really I drink all day long and I can't stop. I get into stupid fights with him when I drink as well and it is harming our relationship.
I don't know what I would do if I ever got pulled over, but when I am drinking I think i am invincible and won't get caught. I'll even steal at stores and do risky things like that while I am drinking.
So anyways I HAVE to stop before this gets any worse than it already is, and I know it will......
This is my 3rd day of being sober and it has been insanely hard. I make so may excuses in my head of why I should go get a drink, but i have to tell myself it's the alcoholism talking. I came SO close to getting a drink today while I was taking my kids to a birthday party (pathetic i know), but I was able to stop myself. It's like every cell in my body is screaming at me to get a drink. :gaah

Amber

Sounds like you're in the right place.

Another good place is an AA meeting. I suggest you go check it out. They are in the phone book, or you can do a google search for a meeting place near you.

You've been putting your children, yourself, and others at terrible risk. It's time to stop.

Welcome to SR

Hi Amber,

Yes, it will get worse unless you stop. I'm glad you recognize that and congratulations on Day 3! It IS hard, but it will get easier. Ignore the addict-voice and follow your heart because you know what you need to do for yourself and your children.

Have you considered telling your husband the truth? I know it's hard, but I really believe in honesty being the best policy. He really has a right to know since you are in charge of the children. It would be much worse if you were ever pulled over with them in the car and he found out that way. We never think it will happen to us, but it does.

Welcome..:wave:

Good to know you are making positive changes
All my best to you your husband and children
:yup:

Welcome to the family.:)

Welcome Amber - it takes a while but you really will get past the obsession to drink. When you get the urge, come here and post/read..... it helped me (or rather it saved me), especially in the beginning. When it's really difficult to stop, it's proof that we have a big problem.

You're not alone - many of us have children, too. I regret not being the mom I could have been. The good news is that you/I have all the more motivation to stay sober.

Take it one day at a time (or an hour at a time)..... and think about how grateful you'll be to wake up feeling good in the morning!:wave:

Welcome to SR! You should feel right at home here. I know exactly what you're feeling. You're right, it is the addiction talking. Ride out the urges; they pass through like waves. You'll be really grateful you decided to quit—I have a young daughter, it feels great to really be there for her. Feels great, period.

You can do it!

Thanks for all the encouragement! I was able to make it through yesterday without anything to drink. Today is day 4 :)
I think this site is really going to help me!

Yeah, it will get easier once you get past the withdrawal symptoms (maybe pretty soon here), but then you may start having ups and downs for a few weeks or months. Don't get discouraged. It really does even out if you stay away from the booze.

Some great advice here Amber Nichole :)
Welcome - and congratulations on day 4!

D

Welcome!!

Wow...congratulations on day 4. Glad you found us. :c011:

Take care of your children's mother. That's you, and you're the only mother they'll ever have.

Yeah the withdrawal symptoms do sorta suck, the shakes are gone finally. I am still having depression and bad irritability, and i don't want anyone to touch me for some reason lol Still the worst is the cravings because I always come up with a reason I can have that drink. Today is day 5. This is the longest i have gone in probably 2 years.

Welcome to SR and congrats on day 5!!! That's awesome:) I felt like the first few days were the intense withdrawals but it took a couple of weeks until I started to feel ok physically.

I'm glad you are here with us and getting sober. I do think talking to your husband would be a good idea...its nice to be accountable to someone else. Also...with your eating disorder on top of the drinking...have you ever tried counseling?

If nothing else use SR that's what we are here for:)

I'm glad you found this forum and that you recognize you have to stop drinking, but I seriously doubt your ability to succeed long term if you don't get into treatment for your ED. As someone who has recovered from an eating disorder I speak from experience - your body doesn't just want alcohol, it wants some energy to burn. You'll continue to feel lousy if you don't give your body nutrients, and you're at a much higher risk of relapsing...just something to think about.
Have you ever seen an ED specialist?

There is no way I could tell my husband. He isn't supportive at all and when I tell him I am having cravings he just rolls his eyes. He is borderline verbally abusive and would flip out on me if he knew any of that. Most likely he would make me leave and try to take the kids and take my (his) car that he had before we were even together. I understand I probably shouldn't be with someone who is like that, but I have no option at the moment so don't lecture me lol
For the ED, yes I have seem many counselors and therapists, but nothing seems to work. I think on a good not my ED is giving me something to focus one besides alcohol, which i know isn't healthy, but it's better than drinking.
On a better not I only had one craving yesterday and today I haven't even had one. Honesty alcohol doesn't even sound that good. I hope I stay feeling like this!
Today is day 6 :)

Congrats on day 6 Amber. Sounds like Bevin has some good 1st hand advice with regard to your ED and this is vital to address along with the alcohol, keep posting and letting us know how you are doing

:a122: Way to go, Amber! I'm glad you're not having a lot of cravings to drink (I had some real doozies.....). Keep going - you deserve it!

(Just my opinion of course, but if you find it hard to tackle everything at the same time, focus on getting sober first.)

Tomorrow you'll have one week sober - woohoo!

Well, congrats on Day 6!
I'm not surprised that your focus is going towards your ED. I did have a pretty long period of sobriety back before I started to recover, and the thought that I might lose weight was a definite factor (though not the only one). I was living in a crazy environment at the time and I would go out for extremely long walks just to get away from it for a while. Those walks had a pretty profound effect on me because they gave me space to think and made me realize that I didn't want to die. Before that I wasn't so sure.
It sounds like you could use some time away from the house if you can get it. Even a 1/2 hour walk would be good.
And if your husband doesn't want to hear about your cravings then screw him - you can some talk to us!

You guys are so amazing and awesome! Everyone has such good advice and is so supportive. It's nice not to feel like you alone in your problem. Thanks
Anyways yesterday I didn't have 1 craving. Last night it felt like a 1000 tons had been lifted off my chest. No more fear of getting pulled over, no more hiding empty alcohol containers no more fear of hurting my kids (physically and mentally), no more obsessing over where I am going to get my next drink and when my husband will leave for work so I can go to my hidden stash, no more embarrassing and stupid drunk dialing, no more horrible cravings that make me want to just jump off a bridge, no more being drunk in college and trying to hide it, and a million more things just all went away at once. I think that was the best feeling in the world. Also yesterday my depression went away for the fist time in years, maybe it had to do with alcohol, who knows?

You are doing really well! That is so great, keep reading and posting, we are all here for you! You deserve this so much and to be truly really happy and it is really possible, I know that to be true for me.

Wow, good for you, keep it up.

Officially one week sober! I did want to drink yesterday and got a little depressed, but it wasn't too bad. Last night though all i could dream about was drinking though, i woke up thinking I had to start all over being sober lol Tonight I have school again and this week i seem to be doing better and retaining more than when i was drinking. Even though i always got A's and an occasional B, I just seem to understand everything better now.
Next Thursday i start therapy with a new person for my PTSD, Depression, ED, Bipolar and Alcoholism (lol I'm all messed up), we will see what happens :)

Congratulations on one week, Amber!! That's awesome!

It just gets better (mentally, physically and emotionally), so hang in there. The obsession/compulsion will fade. Glad you're getting help with the other stuff - you're doing it right!:You_Rock_

Good for you - that's awesome! Therapy can be great if you find someone you click with. I also went and found a therapist that specializes in alcohol addiction - I figure I need all the help I can get right now.
Stay strong - the depression will get better!

Interesting about the depression going away AmberNicole.

In the beginning drinking made me happy, that was one of the main reasons I did it as I suffer with mild depression, although I have never taken meds for it as they scare me but for some reason I have no problem drinking a bottle of wine every night.

I think that is a reason why a lot of us drink, to self medicate. Alcohol is a depressant.