AmberNichole

Well pretty recently I figured out I was an alcoholic. I never thought I had a problem until I decided to stop because I was eating too many calories. I also have an eating disorder and can go days without eating, but when it comes to alcohol I can't stop even with all the calories it contains.
There are also many other reasons I need to quit other than my weight. I have also starting drinking during the day so I can hide it from my husband. I will even drink and drive with my 3 kids in the car with makes me feel like the worst mom in the world. there are been times where I didn't even remember driving home. I tell people I am taking my kids to the park, but in all actuality it's just so i can get out of the house and drink, i end up getting alcohol and drinking it at the park.
My husband knows I drink at night, but really I drink all day long and I can't stop. I get into stupid fights with him when I drink as well and it is harming our relationship.
I don't know what I would do if I ever got pulled over, but when I am drinking I think i am invincible and won't get caught. I'll even steal at stores and do risky things like that while I am drinking.
So anyways I HAVE to stop before this gets any worse than it already is, and I know it will......
This is my 3rd day of being sober and it has been insanely hard. I make so may excuses in my head of why I should go get a drink, but i have to tell myself it's the alcoholism talking. I came SO close to getting a drink today while I was taking my kids to a birthday party (pathetic i know), but I was able to stop myself. It's like every cell in my body is screaming at me to get a drink.

Amber

LexieCat

Sounds like you're in the right place.

Another good place is an AA meeting. I suggest you go check it out. They are in the phone book, or you can do a google search for a meeting place near you.

You've been putting your children, yourself, and others at terrible risk. It's time to stop.

nandm

Welcome to SR

Anna

Hi Amber,

Yes, it will get worse unless you stop. I'm glad you recognize that and congratulations on Day 3! It IS hard, but it will get easier. Ignore the addict-voice and follow your heart because you know what you need to do for yourself and your children.

suki44883

Have you considered telling your husband the truth? I know it's hard, but I really believe in honesty being the best policy. He really has a right to know since you are in charge of the children. It would be much worse if you were ever pulled over with them in the car and he found out that way. We never think it will happen to us, but it does.

CarolD

Welcome..

Good to know you are making positive changes
All my best to you your husband and children

least

Welcome to the family.

artsoul

Welcome Amber - it takes a while but you really will get past the obsession to drink. When you get the urge, come here and post/read..... it helped me (or rather it saved me), especially in the beginning. When it's really difficult to stop, it's proof that we have a big problem.

You're not alone - many of us have children, too. I regret not being the mom I could have been. The good news is that you/I have all the more motivation to stay sober.

Take it one day at a time (or an hour at a time)..... and think about how grateful you'll be to wake up feeling good in the morning!

ReadyAndAble

Welcome to SR! You should feel right at home here. I know exactly what you're feeling. You're right, it is the addiction talking. Ride out the urges; they pass through like waves. You'll be really grateful you decided to quit—I have a young daughter, it feels great to really be there for her. Feels great, period.

You can do it!

AmberNichole

Thanks for all the encouragement! I was able to make it through yesterday without anything to drink. Today is day 4
I think this site is really going to help me!

ZZworldontheweb

Yeah, it will get easier once you get past the withdrawal symptoms (maybe pretty soon here), but then you may start having ups and downs for a few weeks or months. Don't get discouraged. It really does even out if you stay away from the booze.

Dee74

Some great advice here Amber Nichole
Welcome - and congratulations on day 4!

D

dbearw

Welcome!!

EmeraldRose

Wow...congratulations on day 4. Glad you found us.

grateful101010

Take care of your children's mother. That's you, and you're the only mother they'll ever have.

AmberNichole

Yeah the withdrawal symptoms do sorta suck, the shakes are gone finally. I am still having depression and bad irritability, and i don't want anyone to touch me for some reason lol Still the worst is the cravings because I always come up with a reason I can have that drink. Today is day 5. This is the longest i have gone in probably 2 years.

LaFemme

Welcome to SR and congrats on day 5!!! That's awesome I felt like the first few days were the intense withdrawals but it took a couple of weeks until I started to feel ok physically.

I'm glad you are here with us and getting sober. I do think talking to your husband would be a good idea...its nice to be accountable to someone else. Also...with your eating disorder on top of the drinking...have you ever tried counseling?

If nothing else use SR that's what we are here for

bevin

I'm glad you found this forum and that you recognize you have to stop drinking, but I seriously doubt your ability to succeed long term if you don't get into treatment for your ED. As someone who has recovered from an eating disorder I speak from experience - your body doesn't just want alcohol, it wants some energy to burn. You'll continue to feel lousy if you don't give your body nutrients, and you're at a much higher risk of relapsing...just something to think about.
Have you ever seen an ED specialist?

AmberNichole

There is no way I could tell my husband. He isn't supportive at all and when I tell him I am having cravings he just rolls his eyes. He is borderline verbally abusive and would flip out on me if he knew any of that. Most likely he would make me leave and try to take the kids and take my (his) car that he had before we were even together. I understand I probably shouldn't be with someone who is like that, but I have no option at the moment so don't lecture me lol
For the ED, yes I have seem many counselors and therapists, but nothing seems to work. I think on a good not my ED is giving me something to focus one besides alcohol, which i know isn't healthy, but it's better than drinking.
On a better not I only had one craving yesterday and today I haven't even had one. Honesty alcohol doesn't even sound that good. I hope I stay feeling like this!
Today is day 6

SereniTee

Congrats on day 6 Amber. Sounds like Bevin has some good 1st hand advice with regard to your ED and this is vital to address along with the alcohol, keep posting and letting us know how you are doing