Another update. Still drinking. Unfortunately it is now affecting my health and the doctors said I wont make it more than 10-15 years if I don't stop. Don't really care about that. Annoyed that it makes me fat though. Maybe I'll give this a go again. idk

Hi AmberNichole. I'm a Mom trying to figure out how to be sober as well.
I agree with Strawberry, we would love to have you in the Decemeber class.
Posting in the newcomers forum would be great too. Lots of caring people that can help you start to figure things out.

What about the family? Think they care about that?

We will certainly support you through your recovery. You may want to post in the newcomers to recovery. More people reply there.

Day 6!! You’re doing awesome. Keep going no matter what: no matter how you feel, how much kid/husband stress there is, just keep going and tell yourself: “I don’t drink, no matter what.” Fight for yourself.

You remind me of myself. You seem younger than me but...same drinking patterns. Had major eating issues. Drank and drove inappropriately. Took alcohol everywhere. Have three kids. Got in crazy fights with husband. Lied to husband about the drinking I did all day.

My dear...the drinking never gets better. It only gets worse. Take a blind leap of faith....even at 15 months I am still mid-leap.

You’ve got this. Separate out everything you feel and experience from the drinking. Just stay sober. Above all. It will be the most important thing you do.

Sometimes, sobriety makes the ED harder to deal with. It did that for me. It added another layer of challenge to my sobriety. It doesn’t matter, I deal with it sober anyway, like I deal with everything sober now, and will continue to live life sober moving forward. If you use drinking as a way to deal with ED it will backfire, hard.

Stay the course. You’ve got this.

Welcome back Amber. I would hope that you'd be annoyed that it's destroying your life in more ways than just your weight no? I'd agree with the others too - do you think your kids care if you just drink yourself to death? I'm guessing you do care..otherwise you probably would not have bothered to come back.

Sounds bad, but most will be well into their adult lives if i die in 10-15 years. Oldest will be 27-32 Im going to die at some point anyways. Im getting into treatment though, see my other post. But I really dont have much desire to live at this point. Won't kill myself, but i wouldn't mind not waking up in the morning.

Welcome Amber-N
For me- daily support is a must do. SR- morn and night usually. Also meetings, GP checkup and a CBT psychologist. Lots of info in the Newcomer's sticky's about making a recovery plan- planned action, not just luck or willpower (which is not enough for me).
Support to you.

Life is the best game going, don't be too quick to quit on it. Put some gratitude in that attitude, Amber!

You have no way of knowing when alcohol might take your life if you continue drinking. Could be 10 years, 30 years or tomorrow to be honest. I've seen people die from alcoholism...literally lying on a hospital bed all yellow and bloated. I can assure you that they had a much different attitude than you feel right now with death staring them in the face. And their families were devastated.

Bottom line though, you can't really "scare" yourself sober. I hope you can find the resolve to make positive change - because anyone can do it. You included.

I felt like that too - but when that point of death actually came upon me, when it was a real danger and a real option, I fought like a tiger.

Give not drinking a chance.

Rediscover who the real Amber Nichole is.

Its hard - but you're not alone. Lean on us here. I believe you can do this :)

D

My experience was similar to Dee's. Right before I got sober I actually contemplated suicide every morning as an alternative to taking that first drink. I had reached the point where I couldn't live with or without alcohol which made for a pretty miserable existence.

Then I had a brief moment of clarity one morning after my morning ritual of stepping outside for a cigarette and daydreaming about ending things. I came inside, popped open my first beer and sat at my computer staring at the screen. Then I googled my doctor's number, called it and made an appointment to see him the next day. I came clean about how much I was drinking and how depressed I was and he helped me detox and referred me to an outpatient alcohol counselor.

From there I returned to AA (this wasn't my first rodeo) and finally got a sponsor and worked the steps. That was over 5 and a half years ago. Go read my thread in this forum titled "Who would have thunk it" to see how life turned out for me.

Amber, I’m sorry I was referring to an earlier post you had now I see you are still struggling with the addiction.

I know that a lot of people don’t anthropomorphize the addiction quite like I do, but it’s still helpful for me to classify the dark part of my head that wants to keep drinking as “not me.”

Does the real you care about your family and your kids? Does the real you care if you die?

Many times deep in my addiction, especially during those 24/7 bouts of drinking where I never even sobered up for nearly a week, I had thoughts that I wanted to die, that dying was a foregone conclusion, that I was worthless, that I deserved to die anyway, so I might as well drink.

You addiction cares not one whit about your death. Or the tragedy of your kids losing their mom. Or the tragedy of you losing yourself. It cares about the next drink, full stop, nothing else.

The darkness wants you to want to die, Becuase it means you can still drink. Any part of your brain that ends with “so I might as well drink” is the dark force, not YOU.

Enough months of total sobriety, no alcohol, no other substances, and getting support for your ED, and the YOU I am talking about will get louder and more insistent in your brain, and she will begin fighting for herself and her family. It is fixed with sobriety. Trust.

Hope to see you coming back and making the change.

Amber,

What Sass said much better than I could, but I woud add one thing.

Even if you dont stop drinking, which we all hope you will, please stop drinking and driving. I can tell from your posts that you would not survive hurting someone and definitely not your children.

We have all done it, not here to judge, but with sober eyes, it is something that you can never take back. Ever.

Godspeed.

So... Sad. I hope somehow you can realize that you are more than this and you can have a long life ahead if you just put down the drink.