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Originally Posted by Dee74
(Post 2795683)
a 40 yo party boy is kinda, well....lame IMO. D |
Originally Posted by goldengirl3
(Post 2795385)
I'm asking because I think it's a mentality I've had that needs to be shot down. Years ago I didn't think that way. I started dating this guy and we were coming home from dinner on a Saturday night and he said, "Look at all these people about to go out. It's only 9 PM and we are going home. We are losers." And I thought, "Good God grow up. How immature." Years later and getting drunk everyday without a break...I felt the same way. Especially on the weekends. When I decided to sober up, I had this realization that I was thinking that way. I don't know how it started. Was it me...was it from being around him...was it being around his partying friends...or other partiers? I don't know. But I realized that that needed to change. I've been feeling pretty good. I stay in every weekend and do things for myself that I like. I've really been enjoying and it's calm and great. Except over the weekend there was a Christmas party downtown where everyone dresses like a Christmas character and barhops. Last year I went and got blasted and blacked out. I lay in bed Saturday night remembering it was going on and thought, "Oh man! I'm missing it! I'm a loser." Anyone else ever have that mentality?? |
Yeah I felt that way at first but I honestly don't consider myself a looser at all by going to bed early on the weekends. I just think about all the super positive things my life like good grades, all the submissions in jiujitsu that week, my girlfriend & her amazing personality and all the sober time I have acquired! I have a feeling all the "cool" people out partying will eventually be asking me about sobriety at some point when they begin to feel empty inside. Me, I know who I am, accepted it and can say I am proud, which was hardly the case a 1.3yr ago. |
Golden, I never worried about people thinking I was a loser if I didn't go out, but I definitely did think that many activities were LAME if they didn't involve partying . . . I truly believed this, did not understand why others would be content to stay at home and watch a movie if you could instead go out to a bar or club and get obliterated -- sex, drugs, rocknroll, you know the drill. I don't feel that way anymore and largely it's because I've grown up, understand happiness better, and also because I realize that what began as an innocent thirst for adventure became a cover for addiction. I don't regret that I had those days -- they are part of who I am -- but I do know that at some point my experience, my excitement at night life turned into something hollow and drug-addled and frankly miserable. I'm now more than happy to do wholesome and quiet things with my time, and although I don't like to make a practice of judging too much, I do sometimes wonder why anyone would want to be in such loud, smelly, filthy places. ;) I might like to go out dancing again someday . . but you can bet I'll be sober when I do. |
Originally Posted by LaFemme
(Post 2795455)
I was the total party girl in college and my 20's. I would work a 10 + hour day, go out to 2:00 am and get up the next morning and do it all over again. At the end of my drinking I wouldn't go out because I had started my pre-party too early and could not leave the house. I do remember feeling like I was missing something if I was at home on the weekends. Part of that may have contributed to some of my drinking at home alone. If I wasn't going out, I might as well party by myself, right? It all seems so crazy now. |
I never had to think it because I was always out doing it!! |
Originally Posted by flutter
(Post 2795642)
No way, I don't feel that way. With sobriety, and more importantly, recovery.. has come a whole new life for me. I find pleasure in things I never did. I can sit with myself contently. I enjoy my friends and family in a very pure, and honest way now. I haven't seen so many sunrises in my life, until now.. things really can be beautiful in recovery. I think it's about finding a 'new happy', which takes time, work.. patience. |
I don't feel that way at all, because I still go out and do things every weekend, because there are tons of things to do even if you're not drinking. And even if I'm not out, I'm still up pretty late just doing simple things that I enjoy like playing video games till the wee morning hours. Not drinking does not equal boring homebody for me..... |
I know what you mean. At first, I felt like I was hiding from my friends. Then I felt like I was punishing myself because I work so hard and I deserve to have a good time. But, I love waking up on the weekend with no hangover and the whole day ahead of me. I went out last weekend to a sports bar for a friends birthday and just had a diet coke and went home with no regrets and that felt good. I even talked to some chicks and I know I came off better than a mush mouth drunk guy. haha In fact, when I was there I notice a couple of guys who were smashed and it looked gross to me. I felt embarrassed because I realize thats what I used to look like. It totally turned me off from drinking. Maybe when your far along enough in your recovery, try going out and realize what idiots people look like when they are black out drunk. Then when you go home you will experience how good it feels to go out like a normal person and come home sober with no regrets and nobody you have to apologize to. To me it feels much better. |
Actually, no that I think about it, If you were to interview all of those people that went out partying all weekend. I bet most would tell you, they wished they would have stayed home. :) |
Maybe it is an age thing as I feel normal now not going out and partying with people 10 years younger because the friends I have my age are at home sleeping in their stable lives. Felt like much more of a loser when drinking until 7am while all the younger people had passed out. |
I felt that in early recovery, I think we all do. It will pass, as all feelings do and I imagine you'll get to the point where the best part of the week is the time you have for yourself on weekends! |
"Last year I went and got blasted and blacked out." How do you know what you are even missing if you blacked out anyway??? :c041: Sounds like you are better off now doing what you are doing than then! And not a loser at all. Although I do understand what you mean. And I think society makes us sometimes feel like that is what we all should be doing on a Saturday night. What else is there right??? Wrong! I can watch television, a movie, read, cuddle with my dogs, go out to dinner, visit SR :), bake cookies, sleep and JUST PLAIN RELAX. And while all those others are waking up with a hangover and ruining the rest of their weekend, I am A-OK and ready for another wonderful sober day! |
How do you know what you are even missing if you blacked out anyway??? I just had another thought after reading that post. I'm 31 now and although I look young for my age and can still get by with hanging out with a bunch of younger 20-somethings in the bars downtown...being the "oldie" in the bar of the young ones IS a loser. lol. I need to repeat that to myself. |
Im more of the exact opposite as most of you. As someone whos been a houserat all my life i always felt like i would eventually "party" or go out. Now dont get me wrong, i have gone out on occasions to get plastered or go to a club, but not nearly as much as most people. I sometimes feel like im wasting my time doing nothing at the house all day. Even some of the people i know are like you're gonna be 30 doing the same thing you're doing now which is nothing. Then you're gonna want to go party but it will be too late and you'll be too old. At age 24 i feel like i should do something different. So yes i do feel like a loser for not "partying" lol I feel like im on a mid-young person crisis, have been for a while if that makes any sense at all. I dont wanna be 33 just starting to do all the stuff that most people do in their 20s |
That feeling did contribute to my drinking. I'm still in college, and I felt the need to live up to my reputation. It wasn't really a good reputation and many people hated me for the things I had done while drunk, but I saw my drinking career as something to be proud of. I couldn't be boring. I would be letting everyone down. I'm newly sober, and while I've gotten positive feedback on my sobriety for the most part, a few drinking buddies resent me for it. |
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