Anyone here feel like a loser if they weren't partying on weekends?
 

I'm asking because I think it's a mentality I've had that needs to be shot down.

Years ago I didn't think that way. I started dating this guy and we were coming home from dinner on a Saturday night and he said, "Look at all these people about to go out. It's only 9 PM and we are going home. We are losers." And I thought, "Good God grow up. How immature."

Years later and getting drunk everyday without a break...I felt the same way. Especially on the weekends.

When I decided to sober up, I had this realization that I was thinking that way. I don't know how it started. Was it me...was it from being around him...was it being around his partying friends...or other partiers? I don't know. But I realized that that needed to change. I've been feeling pretty good. I stay in every weekend and do things for myself that I like. I've really been enjoying and it's calm and great.

Except over the weekend there was a Christmas party downtown where everyone dresses like a Christmas character and barhops. Last year I went and got blasted and blacked out. I lay in bed Saturday night remembering it was going on and thought, "Oh man! I'm missing it! I'm a loser."

Anyone else ever have that mentality??

Losers don't find their way into recovery...:no:
Winning over alcohol is difficult and you are a winner!

My AA homegroup is hosting parties over the holidays
I suggest you find one in your area and begin meeting us

The irony of your post goldengirl3 is that I had a convo with my gf recently from the opposite point of view that went like this: "Wow its only 9 o clock on a Saturday and we're at home getting ready for bed". Her: "Do you want to do out somewhere baby?" Me: "no, why are we going to go to some club, waste money on drinks and whatnot, just to stand around trying to socialize and talk over loud music for 3 hours. That doesn't do it for me anymore Ive done that so many times."

No, I never feel that way. In fact, when I'm laying all comfy and cozy in my bed at night and hear an ambulance somewhere, I feel so secure in the knowledge that I'm not out there in all that chaos anymore.

I was like you. Before I drank a lot I would be home on the weekends and was perfectly happy staying home on new years eve.

When I began drinking I wanted to go to the bars and be social and look for females.

But now since I stopped drinking for 4 months I am in the way of life I lived before I drank again.

I believe alcohol is the common denominator here. Drinkers want to be around other drinkers, to share stories, feel like they're part of a movement, and to meet other drunks.

I want nothing to do with drinkers anymore. When I look for a women now, which I really need to start, she will be a non-drinker. There is no way i want to be involved in a drinkers life anymore ever.

Exactly. I don't want to be back at that place again. I feel this pull and I hate it. And like you...I've been living like I used to before I got really into drinking.

It scares me that I have these thoughts.

Time takes time. the longer you stay in recovery, the better it gets. Just don't give up before the miracle happens and stick with the winners in recovery. Pray a lot to your higher power and stay connected with God. It has taken me years of failure in this program to get to a place of serenity so no matter what happens next, you are always welcome In AA!

I was the total party girl in college and my 20's. I would work a 10 + hour day, go out to 2:00 am and get up the next morning and do it all over again. At the end of my drinking I wouldn't go out because I had started my pre-party too early and could not leave the house.

This past weekend I went to a Christmas party...I drank my tonic water and met interesting people and had a great time...I went home at a respectable hour and my only regret about leaving at 11:30 is that I didn't stay long enough to hear the hostess sing (she is a soprano at the met and usually sings at the end of the party).

I feel like I have a great balance in life now...I can go out and have a good time without worrying about drinking...its such a relief! In fact

I was the total party girl in college and my 20's. I would work a 10 + hour day, go out to 2:00 am and get up the next morning and do it all over again. At the end of my drinking I wouldn't go out because I had started my pre-party too early and could not leave the house.

This past weekend I went to a Christmas party...I drank my tonic water and met interesting people and had a great time...I went home at a respectable hour and my only regret about leaving at 11:30 is that I didn't stay long enough to hear the hostess sing (she is a soprano at the met and usually sings at the end of the party).

I feel like I have a great balance in life now...I can go out and have a good time without worrying about drinking...its such a relief! In fact its such a relief that I actually freaked out a little about it...talk about silliness:-)

I don't feel like a loser in any way. All I have to do is read the 'jail log' in our newspaper to see who got a DUI over the weekend... and be glad it wasn't me.:)

I think some of you are misunderstanding my question.

I'm asking about feeling that way contributing to your drinking when you were drinking.

In the first few months of recovery, I felt the same way and it took me awhile to realize there were things about the party scene that I missed - constant socializing, sense of excitement, music, etc. Legitimately missed. It wasn't really about drinking.

So, I found those things in other places. I'm glad too because those things are real now, not phantoms given shape due to alcohol.

You're definitely no loser :) It's an issue a lot of us face.

I always like driving by bar's early in the morning and seeing all of the cars still parked there and think, I'm sure my night was better than thier's. Not to mention the folks that picked up DUI's driving home from said bar. We all search for acceptance and friends and we've all been fed this image of groups of friends in the bars, arms over each other, girls giggling, guys telling stories, etc... All of that can be done without booze and earlier than 2am....

I know the feeling you speak of, like all your friends are out and you are at home.

I just have learned to deal with it, and its not really my scene anyway.

I can relate to what you're saying. I wouldn;t say 'loser' is the right term to use as that would fit how I used to feel staggering around coming out of blackout walking down some random street after a Saturday night out. Also I felt like a loser when I was round the off-license at 7.00am Sunday morning buying super strength.

However other words may fit what you're saying and to be honest I think this is one of the main reasons that certainly you don' see many young people with any longterm sobriety in AA. There may be in USA I don't know but certainly not in the cities and towns that i go to meetings at in England.

There is no two ways about it then getting sober means a total acceptance of a total change of life, social circle, recreation, expectations of nights out, holidays etc. I can't see how realistically the first wouldn' be taken if the old life was lived.

At the end of the day though, what is the alternative? Go out at 9pm on Saturday night and drink to blackout and deal with all of the mental consequences and the drinking the following morning and day etcetc.

recovery and sobriety has to be a way of life for me and with this comes acceptance of where and where I shouldn't be hanging out at and who I should be hanging out with. It ain't easy in this respect which i why i guess so many just go back again. Also for me I know that i used alcohol to give me more confidence etc and also it gave the night added anticipation as I'm a real muso and found booze and drugs to enhance the music, lighting, social feeling etcetc.

it is what it is though and you can;t have it both ways.

All The Best

in all honesty, i'm an adult. i shouldn't be bar hopping anyway. i shouldn't be partying at all. i should be working on myself and earning a living, contributing to society in some way.

every friday night i see all the posts with people relapsing in to monday morning thinking they had the best of intensions and now their back to square one. every week i count the threads...back to day 1..i can't understand what happend...blah blah blah....

the way i look at things...i forefeited my right to drink years ago. all those days of instant gratification and being selfish has to be over for me to have any real future.

1. the "party" ended a really long time before my drinking did (bythe end of my drinking i was on 5 or 6 day runs locked alone in my room leaving only to get more or use the bathroom-- a lot of "fun, right?)

2. the insanity i suffered from wasnt what happened when i drank-- it was thinking it would be like it was years ago when it was a party, despite overwhelming evidence that it hadnt been that way for a long time....and then buying the lie and taking the drink

3. at 28 yrs old i am really enjoying being in bed by 1 the latest on weekends and being up and about and packing into the stream of life. I take care of myself now, i exercise, i sleep right, i try to eat right-- all a far cry from the "good old days."

this is such a better way of life it cant even be put into words-- and no i dont miss the partying at all

No way, I don't feel that way.

With sobriety, and more importantly, recovery.. has come a whole new life for me.

I find pleasure in things I never did. I can sit with myself contently. I enjoy my friends and family in a very pure, and honest way now.

I haven't seen so many sunrises in my life, until now.. things really can be beautiful in recovery. I think it's about finding a 'new happy', which takes time, work.. patience.

Golden--

If you identified yourself.....aka "found your identity" in being a partier, than that's a part of your life that'll be hard to give up. See, when we get sober we're giving up FAR MORE than just alcohol/drugs.

For many, this piece is the fatal blow to their dry time. Giving up the old life when you have doubts about the new one can be that last straw to break the camel's back.

If you're able, just put those thoughts out of your mind, redirect your ego and change your lifestyle.

I wasn't able..... I didn't have the power to do it. AA taught me where to go and how to go for the power though. If you find yourself in the same boat, it may be worth looking into.

I felt that way for a long time - so I never stopped. It's a miracle I never killed myself.

I don't know about anyone else but I was scared of a lot of things - about change, about having to grow up, about never having fun again....

looking back now, I also realise I liked the access to booze, and the social sanction ('permission') to drink it to excess, way more than I liked the partying, if I honest.

I still have fun, I really love the way my life changed, and I really like 'acting my age' - a 40 yo party boy is kinda, well....lame IMO.

D

This. I think when I was a lot younger, like in college and my early to mid 20s, I felt that way, like if I wasn't going out, I wasn't cool. But I haven't felt that way in a long time. So no, I guess it didn't contribute to my continued drinking. I came to the realization many years ago that it was pretty pathetic to tie your life around getting wasted and that getting drunk each weekend was pretty unsatisfying (and yeah, not cool for people over 30). Took me a long time to do anything about it, though, aside from shifting from getting drunk out to getting drunk at home.

Yeah I had that mentality after I started going to bars in my 20's. That mentality caused me a lot of anguish over the years. If someone was to now call me a "loser" for not going "clubing" I would ounch them in the face.:c029:

Yeah I felt that way at first but I honestly don't consider myself a looser at all by going to bed early on the weekends.

I just think about all the super positive things my life like good grades, all the submissions in jiujitsu that week, my girlfriend & her amazing personality and all the sober time I have acquired! I have a feeling all the "cool" people out partying will eventually be asking me about sobriety at some point when they begin to feel empty inside. Me, I know who I am, accepted it and can say I am proud, which was hardly the case a 1.3yr ago.

Golden, I never worried about people thinking I was a loser if I didn't go out, but I definitely did think that many activities were LAME if they didn't involve partying . . . I truly believed this, did not understand why others would be content to stay at home and watch a movie if you could instead go out to a bar or club and get obliterated -- sex, drugs, rocknroll, you know the drill.

I don't feel that way anymore and largely it's because I've grown up, understand happiness better, and also because I realize that what began as an innocent thirst for adventure became a cover for addiction.

I don't regret that I had those days -- they are part of who I am -- but I do know that at some point my experience, my excitement at night life turned into something hollow and drug-addled and frankly miserable.

I'm now more than happy to do wholesome and quiet things with my time, and although I don't like to make a practice of judging too much, I do sometimes wonder why anyone would want to be in such loud, smelly, filthy places. ;) I might like to go out dancing again someday . . but you can bet I'll be sober when I do.

Oh, boy, can I relate to that!!! I didn't go out much over the past year or so precisely because of my "pre-party" routine.

I do remember feeling like I was missing something if I was at home on the weekends. Part of that may have contributed to some of my drinking at home alone. If I wasn't going out, I might as well party by myself, right? It all seems so crazy now.

I never had to think it because I was always out doing it!!

Awesome way to put it! This is slowly happening to me with time...

I don't feel that way at all, because I still go out and do things every weekend, because there are tons of things to do even if you're not drinking. And even if I'm not out, I'm still up pretty late just doing simple things that I enjoy like playing video games till the wee morning hours. Not drinking does not equal boring homebody for me.....

I know what you mean. At first, I felt like I was hiding from my friends. Then I felt like I was punishing myself because I work so hard and I deserve to have a good time.
But, I love waking up on the weekend with no hangover and the whole day ahead of me. I went out last weekend to a sports bar for a friends birthday and just had a diet coke and went home with no regrets and that felt good.
I even talked to some chicks and I know I came off better than a mush mouth drunk guy. haha
In fact, when I was there I notice a couple of guys who were smashed and it looked gross to me. I felt embarrassed because I realize thats what I used to look like.
It totally turned me off from drinking. Maybe when your far along enough in your recovery, try going out and realize what idiots people look like when they are black out drunk. Then when you go home you will experience how good it feels to go out like a normal person and come home sober with no regrets and nobody you have to apologize to.
To me it feels much better.

Actually, no that I think about it, If you were to interview all of those people that went out partying all weekend. I bet most would tell you, they wished they would have stayed home. :)