Hi lostnotfound!
<<And "all those people" are filling my head with crap and twisting my thinking and polluting my mind at Al Anon.>>
This is just like what my ex-ah said when I told him I wanted a divorce. I was making it "all about his drinking" and "getting everyone's sympathy" but I "wasn't telling the truth about the situation". What he thought the truth was, I don't know.
I actually got to the point where I had said everything I had to say and then I just wanted him to leave. Then I was accused of "not talking or sharing feelings". I had been sharing for years - sharing the fact that his drinking was going to destroy our marriage. Apparently he wasn't listening until suddenly he was losing his family. Then he couldn't understand why I wasn't talking. And he said I was abandoning him just like yours is saying. And then there was the high-and-mighty "Is there anything you want to tell me?" implying I was having an affair. What crap.