He wanted to rant and rave that I "did that to him" while totally ignoring the fact that he read my private e mails
I'm sorry that you're dealing with this. Him ranting on is his attempt to put the focus on you and off of HIS violation of YOUR privacy and it also justifies his reason for being drunk. Oh lost!!! I've been through it too. An A will find just about anything to turn back onto you as a justification for his/her own bad behavior- even make things up like his idea of you cheating. My ex thought I was cheating all the time and I never did and never would have! I would be really upset about it if I were you, but I can understand how blowing up about it will really not do much good.
As far as the arguing goes...once I learned not to take the bait from my XAH, it did make life around the house much easier. Bantering back and forth will really do no good. That's what he wants you to do. If you do not participate the way he expects you to (ie- just ignoring him), he'll have to change his behavior with you. It really used to stump my XAH.
My XAH also used the "I'm ready to change NOW and now you are not supporting me" all the time. I quietly sat back and waited for this so-called "change," but it never happened (as I suspected). Those are only words honey. It is a form of manipulation aimed at making you feel false guilt. Please don't fall for that. When he truly is ready, he WILL quit on his own and he won't need to broadcast his intentions to you or anyone else.