lostnotfound

I found out tonight that AH has been reading my e mails. He left a printout on the kitchen counter of an e mail that I sent my mom a couple weeks ago, where I spilled my guts about what was going on with AH. Her response was at the top. There was really not much in it that I haven't already said to him, but he took great offense at my mom's response. She compared him to her ex ( non A) and he didn't like that.

I think I should be really angry that he snooped in my e mails, but honestly I feel nothing. I have nothing to hide. I think he was snooping trying to catch me in something, because he has been accusing me of having an affair for months. (which I'm not and never have) There really isn't anything to hide in my account, but I do feel violated that he did this.

He wasn't home when I saw the printout, and right after that I left for Al Anon meeting. When I got home he had been drinking ( but claimed he hadn't....like I can't tell after 8 years) He wanted to rant and rave that I "did that to him" while totally ignoring the fact that he read my private e mails.

He started again about how he is never #1 in my life. What do I want etc etc. I told him I'm trying to work on myself right now to try to figure out what I want. He says I never tried to help him and now...all of a sudden...he says he doesn't want to drink anymore and I won't help him. I told him I can't help him, he has to help himself. I can only work on me. (I'm trying really hard to practice detachment right now) So he's playing the "I need you to help me" card. Now that he needs me I'm "abandoning " him.

And "all those people" are filling my head with crap and twisting my thinking and polluting my mind at Al Anon.

I didn't do very well at boundary setting, because I didn't want to discuss any of this after he had been drinking, but he kept sucking me in. I'll keep working on that.