Hi CS, when I first attempted sobriety after relapsing after more than 10 years, I slipped and fell repeatedly. I was under a great deal of stress and I really was struggling. My world was falling apart.
All started when I graduated law school and moved to a new city where I didn't know anyone. The firm I articled with had us working 12-16 hours a day five days a week and more often weekends too. I was lonely, wasn't comfortable meeting new people b/c I am somewhat shy... I started drinking a few beer a day. That then increased once in a while on weekends.
I could no longer work out as a result of a rotator cuff tear that left me without my "normal" stress relief activity and the thing I loved to do most in the world (ya, weird I know). I became depressed and started to drink more frequently.
I then left the firm I articled at and joined another firm. My work at this firm was incredibly stressful. The partners bought out another firm and dumped about 150 more files on me, but I didn't have a legal assistant to assist me (most lawyers will not handle more than 70-100 files without an assistant, I now had over 300). The senior partner's idea of "constructive criticism" involed the use of words such as "moronic", "infantile", "idiotic", all of which was often prefaced with "F@#%ing". As a result of the stress, I would drink to "escape" ... bad idea, don't try it.
I was then fired after being there for some three and a half years (during my stint there the entire support staff (20 ladies) turned over (most were fired) and all of the associate lawyers (again, most were fired) ... not b/c of incompetence or alcohol just the partners way of ensuring they didn't have to pay ever increasing salaries. I was fired too, not because of alcohol use although it was becoming a problem, but because I followed the instructions of the senior lawyer and they turned out to be incorrect and when the other sides lawyer freaked, he blamed it all on me and fired me as his scapegoat. I know this to be the case b/c I received a copy of the email sent by the other sides lawyer and turns out my instructions from the senior lawyer were wholly lacking and were not what was agreed upon. In short, I was sandbagged. C'est la vie.
The situation was compounded by the fact that my father then committed suicide on July 1 last year. I spiralled bad. I tried, but couldn't deal with it. It was brutal.
Now, I am much happier in my new job now, my new life and my new town and house. Life is wonderful. Have friends and family close by. A great job and a possible new relationship.
What I am getting at with all of this, the alcohol abuse is normally a multi causal problem and needs to be addressed in a multi causal manner. AA works for some, it did not work for me... that may be b/c of the situation I was in before I moved here. I can't answer that, I only know that it did not work for me. I also had problems with the sponsor I developed a relationship with. He was a really bad fit for me... he actually thought a big book reading was him sitting and reading the book to me... very little discussion... besides, I am fully capable of pre reading the passages myself and then reading an excerpt and discussing it as part of the study, which did happen at a big book study I attended (very helpful by the way). We would read excerpts and then have round robin discussions amongst the group... really got a good understanding that way... having a single person attempt to impose his views on me was not helpful.
So, long and short, don't give up. If it is a problem for you, keep trying until you find the solution that works for you. Mine was to take anta abuse for a while to terminate the cravings and get my mind right. Then to get some counselling. To develop new hobbies and interests and to get healthy again... though gotta work a bit harder on the "health" stuff as I've let it slide in favour of golf lately. Develop a strong social support network. Get happy with myself again!
Cheers, and Good Luck. Remember, so long as you are alive, hope is always there.
Peace, Levi