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Old 07-18-2006, 05:58 PM
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For the Regulars Here

First of all, I bow down deeply and hand you each a long-stemmed red rose and my most gracious appreciation -- in honour of you.

I don't know how you all do it.

I have been here for a few weeks -- I thought I did really well, then I relapsed. Got right back on board, then relapsed. Got right back on board, then relapsed. I don't see a lot of hope for myself right this instant.

Yet, I keep coming here and I keep seeing the "regulars" -- responding to each Newcomer to Recovery, offering inspiration and the same good advice over and over and over again. The Newcomers come and go and you remain.

And I must wonder -- how do you do it? How do you not get depressed at the numbers of newcomers coming every single day? How do you not let yourselves get down at all of those, like me, who fail a hundred thousand times while trying to gain sobriety? I certainly am not giving up thanks to you all, but I am so puzzled by your tenacity, and I wish I had the same thing.

Alcohol is still such a bloody "fun" thing for me, in every sense of the term. Attempting to be an oenophile (sp?) and discovering stuff about different wines. Alcohol and meals. I started "theme nights" at home a while back -- let's say Japan. I made Japanese food, spoke to my kids about Japanese history and customs, encouraged all guests to speak a few words in Japanese. Hung a map. And served the kids juice and the adults Sake. I know the sake didn't "make" the meal, but it was part of the portrait. I'm still not at that place where I can say, screw it. I don't need the damned sake. It is alcoholic and I don't drink. I can't say that. I want to try it, to taste it. Sangria on my Spanish nights. Mojitos when I grill tuna with a Cuban theme.

I'm so sorry - even for writing about drinking specific types of drinks in this venue. I know that doesn't help anyone else. I am very sorry. I'm just a little depressed tonight by the whole topic and by my inability to commit and stay committed.

I feel like AA is not for me but I feel pressured to at least try AA. I am just feeling a little down this evening. (and good Lord, my daughter is watching Futurama in the background and the topic is alcoholism. Is that a sign?)

Thanks for listening and sorry for being a pain in the butt.

Candy Scratch
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Old 07-18-2006, 06:08 PM
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Originally Posted by Candy Scratch
And I must wonder -- how do you do it? How do you not get depressed at the numbers of newcomers coming every single day? How do you not let yourselves get down at all of those, like me, who fail a hundred thousand times while trying to gain sobriety? I certainly am not giving up thanks to you all, but I am so puzzled by your tenacity, and I wish I had the same thing.
I can only speak for myself, Candy. I sure didn't "get" sobriety on my first try or my 8th try. I was in and out for a year before I hit my stopping point. I honor and support ANYONE and EVERYONE who is trying to "get" sobriety. I know how hard it is because I've been there. I've lived it.

Second, I get to keep what I have only by giving it away. Wherever there is need, my hand is outstretched. I am reminded time and time again what it was like, what happened and where we are now. It is the most magnifcant story of hope and truimph, and the most tragic. But it's the SAME story.

Wishing you peace on your journey. Please... keep coming back.

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Old 07-18-2006, 06:10 PM
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How do I do it? I am here because I was a hopeless alcoholic and all I had was hope and I clung to that hope with all my might. Through the miracle of miracles I got sober, like so many alcoholics before me. There is a solution.

I had gotten to the point drinking was not fun for me. I was in a living h@ll. Once you spend any given time in that state, you are willing to do whatever it takes to get sober. I have been shown that for in exchange of sobriety, I give sobriety back, or try to. I show others the way and how I walked threw the fire and have come out the other side. I keep coming back in hopes of planting the seed of sobriety. You see, I was a hopeless alcoholic. I slipped and slipped again, but one day I finally stood up, stood up against the disease and have been standing firmly on my feet ever since. Sobriety is truly a gift and for that I am grateful. Sure there is frustration and disappointment, but there is also great joy when someone finally gets it.

I did it with the help of AA.
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Old 07-18-2006, 06:22 PM
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Alcohol stopped being "fun" for me a long time ago.That is one reason for my tenacity.
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Old 07-18-2006, 06:31 PM
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Candy...

I carry the message of AA recovery
because I beleive in miracles.

I see them here and in my life.
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Old 07-18-2006, 06:33 PM
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One think that helped me to stay sober was to decide whether or not I wanted to stop drinking. When I made the decision to do whatever it took to stay sober, instead of whatever it took to get drunk, success!!
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Old 07-18-2006, 07:12 PM
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I stick around because the joy of seeing someone lifted out of the despair of active alcoholism and addiction far outweighs the sorrow of seeing someone fall. Besides, most of tried a few times before we could piece any serious time together.

Be patient with yourself and don't give up. It will happen for you, too.
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Old 07-18-2006, 07:20 PM
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Candy, don't give up. Keep trying. There is a saying that "It takes what it takes". For me it took a year of trying to do this on my own because I couldn't accept that I was powerless over it. Even after getting in AA it took a month of going to meetings and drinking less but still drinking.

The reason I don't give up on newcomers is because I've seen those who have tried and failed repeatedly all of the sudden GET IT! They figure it out, they get sober and they grow! Then they start giving it back. It is the coolest thing ever.

Plus by sharing with the newcomer I am allowed to remember where I came from and where I don't want to go back to. This is a WE thing. I get drunk but WE stay sober!

Hugs,
Kellye
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Old 07-18-2006, 07:21 PM
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Actually, AA really pissed me off, but I kept coming back anyway. I didn't know of any other options. AA got me sober, but other things I got into kept me sober. It was getting used to meetings for a long time, and then branching out and picking up new tools when I was ready.

I still don't agree with many things the literature says. But I know that there's no escape. I have to find a way to deal with me. I just do it cafeteria style, taking what I need and leaving the rest, and picking up whatever else I need wherever else I can get it.

Part of the deal is I've been a chronic outsider, and I've had to deal with that trip of mine wherever.
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Old 07-18-2006, 07:22 PM
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You've got to want it, really want. Unfortunately, for some, we had to lose alot to finally see that our way wasn't working.
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Old 07-18-2006, 07:24 PM
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The meaning of insanity is...repeating the same behavior - over and over again,,expecting different results.

For some reason i would always remember this phrase on a painful hangover.
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Old 07-19-2006, 12:20 AM
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Hey Candy,

The compact, in a nutshell, answer is that I really believe trying to help other alcoholics get sober keeps me sober and I feel a real desire (obligation?) to help at least one other person find what I found. Also, and this is the hokey sounding, Miss America contestant part of the answer, I believe that people who cross the bridge into recovery are different and that each person who finds their way makes the world just a tiny bit better.
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Old 07-19-2006, 01:23 AM
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Thanks for the post - I for one believe that I was sick and tired of being sick and tired - with all that 'fun'. For me, living in perpetual fear confusion, was not fun. Thats why I eventually quit.
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Old 07-19-2006, 01:58 AM
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Originally Posted by Candy Scratch

Yet, I keep coming here and I keep seeing the "regulars" -- responding to each Newcomer to Recovery, offering inspiration and the same good advice over and over and over again. The Newcomers come and go and you remain.

And I must wonder -- how do you do it? How do you not get depressed at the numbers of newcomers coming every single day? How do you not let yourselves get down at all of those, like me, who fail a hundred thousand times while trying to gain sobriety?
How?
Because someone didn't give up on me and kept coming back with the message till I got it.
Out of a gratefulness of what another has done for me and the joy I know from a sober life, I will share so that others will find the same. Some may "get it" the first time...most will get it after a few times of listening. If it took me 10 times of hearing the message and Jim stopped at number 9...ouch.
Just gratefully doing for others what was done for me is all.
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Old 07-19-2006, 02:15 AM
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I have NO choice anymore for me its i get clean n sober or die.I know that sounds extreme. But that is the way it is for me.

I was a Heroin addict at 15 Im now 33, over the years it takes your life away.I have lost 20 yrs of life through addiction.With that inlcudes my two amazing children who now have to live with my mum.Which for me is a living berevement...! And it hurts...it hurts to write this...!

So i come here for Hope, surport, n so much understanding, which im going to be eternaly grateful.

The last time i used heroin was 3 yrs ago, 18mnts + off the methadone now, and im NOTever going back there again...!

THANK YOU TO THE MANY AT SR.X

Stick around nobody gets it right first time....Keep the idea in your head.

with Love...x
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Old 07-19-2006, 05:05 AM
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I love my life now, it is not always great, but I love that I am living life on life's terms and that I do not have to deal with the hangovers or the blackouts or any of the lost days. My health keeps on improving, my outlook on life keeps getting better, I keep finding more of who I am all the time. I am now growing and maturing rather than stagnating and festering.

Quite frankly I see daylight and sunshine where I felt I was in the dark before, trying to scrape life together somehow, letting things slip, not fulfilling my destiny (so to speak). Alcohol took so much from me that I really can't envisage it in my life ever again. I had it in my family as a child and I have had it take people away from me and I have experienced its effects on myself - yukk!!

To come here and share is to remember when I may forget. To see such enthusiasm and ernestness in newcomers is quite frankly uplifting. To see newcomers not get to sobriety straight away is to be expected. This is not an easy thing to do, I tried many times and I know that I need to work on staying sober in different ways as I go through my life. It actually helps to see the successes and failures, it all reinforces the lessons that I have learned, I don't want to forget them.

More strength to you!!! I worked on changing my thinking about alcohol and looking for the negatives to drinking, rather than thinking that it was "fun". I also prayed for help, talked about it heaps and eventually accepted that alcohol controlled me, I could never control it. I was ok in just about every way - just don't add alcohol and then the rest would work itself out over time.

lots of love,
Brigid
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Old 07-19-2006, 02:28 PM
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There is always, always hope...

Hi there, I continually reach out to newcomers and those who are struggling because it helps me to stay sober. I also want to give away what was so freely given to me - where would I be today if sober people gave up on the newcomer? I would not be alive, writing this message... I found joy, and freedom, conradery, and most of all - hope in the rooms of AA. It was hard, it was a struggle, I cried for months - but no one gave up on me. They loved me until I could learn to love myself.
Many people think AA is "not for them". I don't really know why but it is a choice.
At this point, what do you have to lose by checking it out?
God bless. Keep coming back - I am not giving up on anyone.
Leslie
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Old 07-19-2006, 03:21 PM
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Thumbs up

Thanks for the question... I've never asked myself why I come here and it's a lot of food for thought. Early sobriety is such a b*6ch! I know cuz I've gone thru early sobriety more times that I can remember.

Everything usually changes when you get sober. Sometimes it's dealing with the law, getting divorced, losing your kids not to mention becoming estranged from the only life you've known with other drunks/addicts. Every newcomer has a monstrously full plate on their hands and there they are, totally chemically deranged and having crap thrown at them from every direction. Usually the last thing that's on anyone's mind in early recovery is keeping it simple.

I know that if you can get through the first year of sobriety and not crumble with all the roller coaster emotions and sometimes vital changes in your life you will come through the other side shining! The gratitude I have for other's who have helped me move into a stable & grateful life while also helping me LEARN how to make good choices for myself is unfathonable. I give it back and I'll never forget that life for this drunk/addict is the possessing the willingness to do the next right thing! I can't be stingy with sharing the map to my happiness, I share it whenever what I have learned in my own personal journey is appropriate.
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Old 07-19-2006, 09:35 PM
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Originally Posted by Candy Scratch
Alcohol is still such a bloody "fun" thing for me, in every sense of the term. Attempting to be an oenophile (sp?) and discovering stuff about different wines. Alcohol and meals. I started "theme nights" at home a while back -- let's say Japan. I made Japanese food, spoke to my kids about Japanese history and customs, encouraged all guests to speak a few words in Japanese. Hung a map. And served the kids juice and the adults Sake. I know the sake didn't "make" the meal, but it was part of the portrait. I'm still not at that place where I can say, screw it. I don't need the damned sake. It is alcoholic and I don't drink. I can't say that. I want to try it, to taste it. Sangria on my Spanish nights. Mojitos when I grill tuna with a Cuban theme.
Candy, I don't get it. If it's still so much bloody fun, why quit? I think you know better. Come on love, get back on the wagon. It took me over a year here to put together my 110 days I have now. There isn't any magic... just legal consequences for me. I don't know about tomorrow, but today I'm not going to use.
Hang in there....
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Old 07-19-2006, 10:20 PM
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I traded a healthy habit (SR) for an unhealthy one (drinking).
Heck, you've got to find something else to do with those long, lucid evenings!
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