hey jen in me
one good thing about going back to meetings? you'll learn "take what you like and leave the rest." my only suggestion would be not to "leave" in a hurry. a huge part of my recovery was really listening to those things to which i (re)acted defensively. it took time, but it happened. it will happen for you, too.
you hang in there. believe it or not, everything you get here will be supportive in one way or another, even if it's to help you know your own mind.