Dry drunk?
Thats another term I've heard, and I think I know what it is and am wondering if that is what I am.
I believe the term to mean an alcoholic off the booze, but still exhibiting self destructive behaviors. I know I do this, but I am not sure if it is because of alcoholism, or if alcoholism was the result of other psychological problems.
I have been sober somewhere around 70 days. I feel better physically, but still find myself doing some of the same things I did when I was drinking. I blamed it on the booze, but now I'm not so sure it's just not some huge personality flaw. I find that I almost intentionally go out of my way to provoke people to dislike me. I know that I do this... I know that I say things that I shouldn't but it's almost like I get a satisfaction out of having someone belittle me or insult me. It's kind of sick isn't it? Then I enjoy a pity party for myself..... bemoaning how unfair or unkind people are. I claim to hate it, but deep down it's really quite satisfying, in some odd crazy way. I did it again today.,, Deliberately set myself up for destain and criticism. I claim to want acceptance but I am starting to doubt it.
I really am considering therapy. I never thought I would. But I think this behavior stems from deeper seated problems that have nothing to do with booze. There is a lot of anger in me from past life events that I can't seem to shake. Booze only numbed me.... Now I suspect I have many other issues to deal with, Or maybe I am a dry drunk. Or maybe a sociopath... who knows.
Wow... I never would say any of this anywhere else. I know there are lots of people here struggling with all sorts of issues for which addiction may only be a symptom. I feel like a real pathetic nut case.