Thanks everyone! It made me cry when I read your responses. Aloneagainor, your right to bring up the fact that, I too am an alcoholic. When I left him before I did not drink and I will make it my first priority when I leave this time to stay clean. I have 2 days sober today (not much but better than yesterday). I am in no way putting the blame for my drinking on my husband. But I can't help him if I can't help myself. I'm also tired of being his mother. He should stand up and be the man and take control of his family instead of letting it go down the toilet. My mother put up with this kind of situation for years. And all be d___ if I have to. I've heard it said many times in my family the woman can build up her house or tear it down. This is soooo true. If I do not change my behavior than I am no better than the abuser, I am an abuser.