Good to meet you here, nice2nou,
You've come to a good place to begin the changes you know you need to make. Curious if you've read the basic AA text. Alcohol isn't my DoC, so I quote from the NA text which is invaluable material to a recovering addict, as the AA text is for recovering alcoholics. (same thing, different drug you understand.)
From chapter 1 "Why are we Here?"
...We were looking for a way out. We couldn't face life on life's terms. In the beginning, using was fun. For us using became a habit and finally was necessary for survival. The progression of the disease was not apparent to us. We continued on the path of destructon, unaware of where it was leading us. We were addicts and did not know it. Through drugs, we tried to avoid reality, pain and misery. When the drugs wore off, we realized that we still had the same problems, and they were becoming worse.
...Some of us sought a cure by geographic change. We blamed our surroundings and living situations for our problems...Some of us sought approval through sex or change of friends...some of us tried marriage, divorce, or desertion. Regardless of what we tried, we could not escape our disease.
We reached a point in our lives where we felt like a lost cause...we didn't know what to do. We were sick and tired of the pain and trouble. We were frightened and ran from the fear. No matter how far we ran, we always carried fear with us."
It goes on, to explain that it NEED NOT BE THIS WAY. You never need to use again, and you have it within your reach right now, where you are, to learn HOW to do this. I hope to begin, you'll pick up a copy of the AA or NA basic text and read it, BEFORE making any radical moves. The power is within you to make the changes, regardless of anything outside of you. Know we're here to offer you any support, information, or encouragement you may request. There are a LOT of people out there, right within your own locale, ready and willing to help. Please do reach out, rather than run away.