Hello everyone,
I've been annoying everyone with my fear and struggle of making my first NA meeting... and last night I actually did it.
(Earlier this week I "did it," but no one showed up except one other newcomer. See post "Two Feet Finally...")
It was a large group, maybe 50 or so people, who split into 2 groups for the majority of the meeting (newcomers/non-newcomers). Although I was entirely lost, not knowing exactly what was going on (when the group spoke together, handing out keytags, etc.) , it was a great experience. It was amazing to hear the stories from other people. I was the only one there who was a first-timer, but they acted like I was a part of them already. It was truly an eye-opening experience for me, one that I will never forget. Since they meet every day, sometimes a couple of times, I will definitely be going back. Plus, I got my "welcome package" with all the info I need to actively join their group ("Still Working On It" in Longwood, FL).
I can honestly say that this experience has changed my outlook on becoming sober. Being online has been great for me, but seeing and going to a meeting in person had a huge effect on me. I'm still figuring out my personal way of staying sober (meetings, no meetings, online, etc.). I believe that each person has their own special way that works best for them. Not all of us are the same. BUT... Going to a NA meeting (physically walking into a room with other addicts helping each other stay sober) has been essential for me, especially to help with step one. I saw with my own two eyes that I was indeed an addict, and that there were so many people just like me. Different, but the same. I look at everything in a different light now. I am not completely convinced and ready to "admit powerlessness," so when you are as stubborn and as skeptical as I am, you need to slapped in the face a few times before you are 100% convinced. Last night I could feel something in me change, something I didn't even realize was still doubting this whole thing. I have a lot of work to do, but I can
see better now. I think the in-person way of staying sober is definitely "sobering" for me... and I think I will need that for quite some time, just to keep my head on straight.
Thanks for listening. I love to be able to release my feelings here. And thanks for all the support! Without this site and all of you, I would still be in my own "wonderland." THANK YOU.
Sending best wishes, positive thoughts, and peace to all of you,
Jennifer