Thanks, everyone. I'm not sure I'm quite ready for AA or any other program, but I am trying to reach out. While I don't blame AA for my brother, it ultimately could not save him (he was attending regularly up until his suicide). As I said, I see a lot of him in myself and it worries me that getting sober might lead me to whatever place he ended up. I know I'll be better off cleaning myself up, but it also scares the hell out of me sometimes.
My own drinking seems to go in stages, sometimes I lay off, sometimes I overindulge. I have gotten extremely ill several times in the past few months as a result of drinking. At least, I assume it's the drinking, I saw my doctor and all the tests came back negative, but I also didn't tell him about my drinking concerns. I haven't had the nerve yet to talk to a family member who can give advice and help me to get through this, but I think that getting it out here is helping me get to that point. And to maybe let my doctor in on the issue. For that I thank you all.