Part of what led me here
I don't want to end up like my brother. There's far too much backstory for me to want to get into, but the bottom line is that he got himself into trouble with alcohol. As a result, he found himself not living with his family, and struggling to cope with depression and alcohol addiction. Sadly, he chose the cheater's way out and commited suicide. It wasn't recent; it was long enough ago that I try not to think about the timeframe.
He and I were very much alike in the abuse we suffered as children and how we coped, and I worry that I might turn into him. I'm older now than he was when he died. I knew then for him what I know now for myself, that the depression is feeding the desire for booze, and vice versa. When I really set my mind to it, I do OK in keeping the booze at bay. But, I too easily fall into the trap of escapism when I just don't feel like setting my mind to it. My brother left behind three wonderful children even though he had been sober for over a month, I worry about my future in that regard. I guess I don't know what I'm trying to say, but rambling. Thanks for listening.