Originally Posted by denny57
At one point I suspected it (can you imagine?)
When I first started with my therapist, I would talk with her about things my AH did or said and at some point she would say to me, do you know that is abuse? I did not. I really did get caught up in the idea that if I would talk nicely, look nice, cook better meals, remain calm when he raged, etc. I would help him realize what he was doing. I couldn't and I can't. More than that - I shouldn't have to.
I did it,too!---I still can't believe it, and what is worse, sometimes I still question if it WAS "just me!". That is sick.
Worse than that, we had a marriage counseler that went right along with it (AH's way of seeing things) ...trying to say that it was surely mainly "my fault" he drank and acted like that and we just needed to "communicate better". Oh.that part WAS true....the communicate better part. AH was lying and I DID need to communicate to myself and him more effectively that I was not about to stand for that behavior. (he did get my message and moved out).
I didn't/don't want to believe anyone I love could really treat me that way......but he is sick and does. Same with your AH from the sounds of things. The truth hurts. If you can't do it for yourself, do it for your baby. That is what gave me the will to do it when I was feeling weak. Your baby can not help his/herself and is depending upon you. Your AH is sick. Be safe and work out the details later.
Did you say you have a nanny? If you are doing all the work, making the $, providing child care, etc. perhaps it is time to consider AH leaving where he has "more time and peace" to work on his issues at his on pace,etc. Who knows.might be an eye-opener to you both.
I know this is difficult. It will be even more difficult if you and/or your baby is hurt or worse in a drunken "fit". I will keep you in my prayers; I am sorry this is happening. None of us "deseve" this.
p.s. Thanks you for posting this thread and Denny for your response. I needed to think about this and read both what you said and what I said. I need to remember this all...esp. today. I "forget" because I do not want to remember any of this; but it is important that I do. Thank you all! And thank you for giving me a safe place to vent this.