Hi jewl,
You wrote:
"I don't know if that's selfish or selfless but, it just kills me to watch Aaron go back down. He's already going back to court next month for getting kicked out of counseling."
In some circumstances, selfish and selfless can mean the same thing. Depends on our motives!
Some people believe being selfless means doing for others. That's fine to do for others if they can't do for themselves. Love and charity are fine in their place. Being selfless for the sake of me feeling better is selfish. I'm not really doing the best thing for the other person. I'm doing what I need to do to feel better about myself. I imagine it does hurt to see a friend go through what Aaron is going through but he made certain choices which caused all these events to take place.
I try to keep my desires out of these types of situations. My son did drugs and drank. I did a 12 step call on him once and he decided all he needed was one meeting and all was well. I told him not to call me any more at 2:00 a.m. that if he was serious, he should take the steps himself. He ended up walking to the police station with all his pipes and such and told them he needed help. That was his choice. He's got 14 years in the program. People have to hurt bad enough to want to do something about themselves. Noone can do it for them. I would tell Aaron that I can't be with him unless and/or until he sobers up and straightens out.
Being "selfless" is not thinking less of myself. It's thinking of myself "less." This means that what I want to happen isn't always what needs to happen. When I start thinking I know better than God what's suppose to happen, I go stand in the corner and count myself. Keeps coming up "one."
