You guys are right...
Ya know, on afterthought, I've been thinking about what I did all day. I do agree with you, I know I do...it's just really hard, ya know? Aaron was once in a place that I envied, he was in rehab and he had 6 months sober. I watched him walk up and get his coin...I couldn't have been more proud. But to see him now just breaks my heart. Like my b/f says...my biggest flaw in life is the "**** Stacey" attitude. I'm so selfless and so giving, I end up screwing myself over in the end. I have a really hard time putting myself #1. It's always everyone else ahead of me. They say being an alcoholic is a selfish disease and I agree because when I wanted to drink, I drank...regardless of the consequences. But, now that I (hope) I'm getting sober finally, I want the world to be sober with me. I don't know if that's selfish or selfless but, it just kills me to watch Aaron go back down. He's already going back to court next month for getting kicked out of counseling. And the thing is, I know I can't do anything about it. I think that's what drives me most crazy. I'm getting sober, I try to help him...but, I know I can't do anything but watch him to back to jail if not prison. I've seen so many of my friends end up in prison...it's just really hard. I will try to stay away from Aaron though. I will take your advice no matter how hard it is. I do see him at meetings but I will tell him the only way we're hanging out is sober. I have no doubt that will drive him away more than me telling him go away, ya know? It makes me really sad though. I know you guys are right but...my mind gives me every excuse in the world to not be sober and when waiting till Aaron gets sober comes around I know it's just something I can't do. I need to think about myself this time. It's hard but, thank you for the advice, I will do my best to stay away from Aaron unless we're at a meeting together or sober. I think that's the best I can do for now. Thanks....