TINYT

WOW, I am at work and I just read all the links and to be honest, I feel like a loser. I have allowed this behavior in my home and now that I want it to change, I feel it is already in motion. It's hard enough to change ourselves and I know I can't change him. But I do care about him.

I feel as if I am in a waiting game, I wait for him to use and I wait for me to say "hell no" to it. I worry about the weekend, that is usually when he works up the idea to get some....he plants the seeds with me to see if I will bite. I need to be strong.

Unfortunately, he is on vacation next week, in my/"our" place, I am worried about him getting coked up....and doing his normal habits, which include renting hundreds of dollars of porn and calling these lame sex numbers...he's racked up thousands in the past calling these numbers. It's sad, he'll hide in teh bathroom and just call these numbers, he never talks to anyone, but he just listens and scrolls through messages for hours. It's SO unlike him in "real" life. This drug takes him to a weird sexual place....does anyone else get like that??? UH

If I tell him not to use and he does, then what. He did pay half the rent this month. It's not as easy as everyone makes it seem that I can just say "get out". I realize what I sound like. If I were reading this post from me I would be cringing. I am actively seeking therapy 2x a week and trying to get my life straightened out, but this is hard.

I just hope I can get through the weekend and I hope he can too.

Thanks for the sharing. It means a lot to me and I am trying to soak it in as much as I can.
T