Originally Posted by TINYT
If I walk away from him then I feel he is being abandoned. Then I feel guilty.
How do I walk away and leave him alone to do battle with this. ....
My name is Vic and I am an addict, I wasn't trying to imply that you blamed him or he blames you. But I would like to share some of my story with you.
In 2001, I was so strung out on drugs, yes my wife at the time was too. We were together for 15 years. Now during that time, we would drink, smoke pot, and did coke/meth. But we knew that the meth was getting the best of us and the coke. She didn't like me drinking either cause I wasn't a real nice person drunk, not violent, but verbally yes.
Anyway during that year, I had lost my business and equipment 4 times, I would sell it and buy it back and each time I didn't get some of my equipment back. In January of 2002, I came in the house and my wife (now ex) said "if you love me and the children you will give me what is in your pocket." I proceeded to the bathroom and did a load of meth. When I came out she said "Vic you are an A$$hole. I replied "NO I am the biggest A$$hole in the world, and then she said that I left and went down stairs and did more dope." Was that ME this Vic that I am now, well yes and no. I am still the same person, but totally different clean.
So I told her that I had to leave town to get clean, I got busted in a town for a empty baggie, and of course the baggie wasn't mine.
I got out of jail in a week with a plea bargen. I drove as fast as I could to get home, when I pulled up in the yard, the dog came running out, the children came running out, but no wife. When I went into the house she said Vic I don't want you here anymore. I said WTF, here I am, only two pairs of jeans, a few shirts, and a change of socks, where am I going to go. I found a place. Well eventually we did get a divorce, but today we are really close friends. We live in different states, etc, but she told me that she loved me so much that she had to let me go. She knew that as long as she was in the picture, I wouldn't have even tried anything different.
I really believe that if she would have let me in the house that I probably wouldn't even be here alive today. Sure I haven't stayed clean, but it did lead me in the right direction, and I have had a lot more clean days than using ones. So that is my experience, I am alive, I am not married or have a Significant other, but I am generally happy, and we (my ex) are close friends. She loved me enough to let me go.
Love Vic
