Originally Posted by minnie
Oh, and I am still puzzled about how one can (or would wish to) learn about the "disease" if one is discouraged from figuring out if the loved one has it in the first place as Denny and Judy say. Help me out please, my brain hurts.
It can't be as simple as "If you have a problem with his drinking then there is a problem" because that's a pretty weak way of diagnosing a "disease".
I'll try to explain where I'm coming from. My relationship with the A in my life and the craziness of our existence was directly affected by his drinking. So yes, as our doctor said to both me and my AH, if your wife has a problem with your drinking, then there is a problem.
I was absolutely clueless about the disease aspect of alcoholism. As I learned more, it enriched my recovery, in a large part because I started to UNDERSTAND so much of what had and was happening in my life.
But the bottom line is that it would not matter if it was a disease, if he had the disease, etc. His drinking (and my reaction to it) was causing a problem. Period.
Mike: thanks for your comments and responses to my thoughts on Al-Anon. As I mentioned, I don't discuss the program too much in detail because it's a personal matter. But I will share this to show it can be different for everyone.
I am agnostic. I'm pretty darn sure there will be a couple of those steps I'll spend the rest of my existence trying to fit into my life - I love a challenge, though, and I've learned to keep an open mind. It took me a while to understand they were the 12 steps, not the 12 commandments.
I don't believe I have a "disease." I don't believe I have a sickness - though our doctor did tell me I was more physically ill than my AH before I started in Al-Anon. I believe I
am unique (though I finally conceded my situation is not LOL).
I see a therapist and there are many in Al-Anon who disagree with that. I don't call my sponsor every day and I'm not doing my 5th step with her - though she is helping me through the 4th. She is fine with that.
Some would read this and say you cannot bend the program to you. Maybe I will find out that is true. Right now I believe the program is near to perfect because it does allow flexibility. I believe it is some people who come in and want structure and rules, etc. who have the biggest problem with that. (oops took an inventory)
What I can say for certain is that working this particular 12-step program has been invaluable for ME. If I have taken one thing very much to heart from the program it is those important words at the end of the meeting: take what you like and leave the rest. Even if it is advice!
Finally, I think this thread has been extremely helpful. How on earth would I grow if everyone had the same opinion and was saying the same thing?