Therapy
I finally decided that I really do need to get into therapy. I called and made an appointment today, and already I feel better. I'm not going to be like him and refuse to get help when I know I need it. I deal with the pain and the lies that he tells me, and I do it without drugs. There is nothing in his life that is bad enough to go this route. But I can't do anything about it. He wants to talk today when he gets off work. I told him there's really nothing he can say to change my mind about leaving. I always hear the same thing from him, he's sorry, he knows its affecting his life, he doesn't want to be like this. That's great, but it means nothing if you don't act on it. It's just words and wasted breath. I told him when he was ready to make an effort, I would be there for him, either as a friend or more. But right now, I can't be there for him if I can't even be there for myself. I hope he never ends up in a relationship like the one we're in now. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. There's nothing worse than leaving someone you love because they can't love themselves enough to save their life. I miss being the person I was. I was so strong, and I was there for everyone in my life. I laughed and smiled so easily. Basically, I was at peace with myself. I want to get back there. With or without him.